Margaret and Rebecca, Gemma, Lucy and Alice

Name: Margaret 

Children: Rebecca 26, Gemma 16, Lucy14 & Alice 8

Location: Preston

Expectations of Motherhood: I never really thought about this when I was pregnant with Rebecca. Being only 17 it was all a bit unexpected! But I think because I came from a big family with 3 brothers and 2 sisters I had quite realistic expectations of motherhood. I remember my Health Visitor commenting when Bec was a few weeks old that I'd taken to motherhood "like a duck to water".

Reality of Motherhood: Each time a new baby has come into my life I have realised how to begin with a tiny person can take over your entire life and turn it upside down, dominating everything you do. For those first few weeks with a new baby even the fundamental things you take for granted like going to the loo, having a shower or cooking a meal become unbelievably complicated. 

But after the first few months it all gets easier and the baby just slots into your life. Since I have been a mother for all of my adult life I have never really known any different. My children are my life.  

Taking your children home for the first time: When I had Rebecca it was back in the days when you had to stay in hospital for 5 days. One thing that was good about being in hospital for so long back then was that the babies were all taken away at night to the nursery so the new mums all got at least 5 full nights of sleep before they went home. I've only got hazy memories of taking her home for the first time but my main memories of those first few days were my sore stitches and the horrors of breastfeeding for the first time and spraying breastmilk everywhere. I do remember that I hadn't quite mastered the breastfeeding by the time we went home.

With the other three I was only in hospital for 24 hours each time, but I couldn't wait to get home. If I'm honest I didn't like all the noise from other people's babies and it was always impossible to sleep on the postnatal ward. I vividly remember the day we brought Lucy home - her head was blue for days because she'd had the umbilical cord wrapped twice round her neck. Gemma, aged 21 months declared "mucky 'ead - needs a bath".  

The best/worst advice: I'll never forget what a neighbour once said to me when talking about her family: "If we're all in bed at the end of the day and we've all survived then I know we've achieved something"

The hardest parts of being a mother: Having to juggle everything constantly. I've always worked as well as being a mum and this has always caused an inner conflict in me between being a mother and having a career. I had postnatal depression after my youngest 3 daughters were born which was very hard for me and my family each time.

The best parts of being a mother: The little things. Watching them grow. The things they say and do that make you smile. Their achievements. Being there for them when they need advice or a shoulder to cry on. Seeing them grow up - and have their own children. 

Hopes for your (growing) family: That they get whatever they hope for out of life and that they are happy.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Enjoy motherhood. Enjoy your children. Don't worry about doing everything perfectly.

Hazel and Aedan

Name: Hazel 

Child: Aedan, 1yr 

Location: Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: A lot of close family members, plus friends, have had children so I was under no illusion about what to expect in terms of motherhood - lack of sleep, problems that may arise with breastfeeding, the unpredictability of a routine, the endless love for your child etc. As Aedan has been a long time coming, a lot of these wise words have been taken and stored for quite some time now. I was doing a lot of reading up as well so that I could be prepared for the unexpected. 

Reality of Motherhood: All of the above and more! The lack of sleep is a killer and the first few months really do pass in a blur. On the upside, I lost a lot of the baby weight really quickly in the madness of it all! In the first month of having Aedan, we were really lucky to have so many of our friends and family help out that we only had to make our own lunch and dinner a handful of times - an absolute god send when your life has literally been turned upside down! Breastfeeding was a problem but again I didn’t stress myself out about it and after a couple of days trying and realising it wasn’t going to work out, I headed straight for the Aptamil. As I like to think I’m quite organised, the lack of routine was hard to fathom but in a positive way, this was a good thing as it just meant that I had to go with the flow. 

Taking your child/children home for the first time: Predictably, we had no idea how to put Aedan into his car seat, but luckily there were lots of nurses on hand to help out. He was the most precious cargo we have ever had in the car - I remember getting road rage when someone tried to cut us up on the motorway. Neil had left his car at the pub the night before (wetting the baby’s head!) so we had to pick it up en route home and I had to drive the rest of the way home. With practically no sleep through the previous night, I was a real driving Miss Daisy for the duration of the journey. Obviously, Aedan was none the wiser! 

As we’d arrived home quite late, we literally fed and settled Aedan, and once he was asleep, me and Neil tucked into spaghetti Bolognese (in bed!) before passing out asleep.

The best/worst advice: 

Best advice - Don’t expect to know it all – every day is a learning curve. Don’t ever wake the baby up for a feed – they will always let you know when they’re hungry. Don’t buy expensive baby furniture – it’s not worth it (unless you can afford it!). Don’t bother with expensive fancy highchairs - Ikea’s highchair is the best bargain ever. Buy a couple of cartons of baby milk – just in case you aren’t able to breastfeed. Use Aptimil Comfort and Dr Brown bottles for when your baby has colic. 

Worst advice – when weaning, sieve the fruit/vegetables. Tried it once for about 5 minutes, gave up and went out and bought a hand blender.

The hardest parts of being a mother: 

Colic – a horrendous couple of months. 

Lack of sleep – you never get used to it. 

Unpredictability. 

Not being able to leave the house without a mental checklist of everything you need/might need ‘just in case’! 

And dealing with them when they’re poorly – even if it’s just a cold or a cough, you’d do just about anything to make them feel better.

The best parts of being a mother: 

Perhaps obviously, the unmeasurable love you have for your child – nothing prepares you for it. Aedan is the love of my life (Neil would say the same!) 

The first cuddle in the morning. 

The big smile he gives you when you get home from work. 

Seeing him walk for the first time. 

Seeing him enjoy the company of family and friends. 

All the usual and much, much more.

Hopes for your family: To always be healthy, happy and loving – Aedan turned one in January and I’m now 4 months pregnant!! It was a shock at first but we’re obviously delighted. It’s going to be a very interesting time – two under two!

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Accept all offers of help. If they ask, let friends and family cook/clean/do jobs for you. You need the rest and every little bit helps. Any other info that will support/add to your profile

Liz and Imogen

Name: Liz
Child: Imogen
Location: Manchester


Expectations of motherhood: 
Oddly I'm not sure I ever had expectations of motherhood per se. 


















Somehow Imogen was here before I'd ever even thought about motherhood. I'd thought a lot about 'having a baby' but to me the two are slightly different things. All my thoughts about having a baby were focused around the practical implications and how we'd cope. I didn't ever really give much thought to what it would mean to be a mother. It's been lovely to realise that I absolutely adore it.

The reality of motherhood: Good grief it's hard isn't it!? 

There is something about being the absolute centre of this tiny person's universe that is both wonderful and terrifying at the same time. I'd always - rather naively - thought that the bond children have with their parents is a result of the amount of involvement those parents have. I think I was totally unprepared for the completely natural, inevitable, unbreakable bond that Imogen has had with me from the very start. It's incredible but such an enormous responsibility.
Taking your child home for the first time: Absolute bliss. I was really lucky to have a very straightforward birth and we got to take her home the same day. I was so thrilled to be going home, so thrilled to not be in labour anymore and just mystified that she was finally here. I can remember so clearly being in the back of the car with her and having to shield her eyes from the street lights. Truth be told it makes me go a bit gooey thinking about it.

The best/worst advice: I must confess that I'm awful at listening to advice. I got advice fatigue while I was pregnant - when the world and his wife seem to fall over themselves to give you unsolicited advice. I was pretty adamant right from the start that I was happy to try things out but would not blindly follow any method, routine etc. I wanted to figure out what was right for us a family and sod everything else.

Imogen was a pretty easy baby (despite what seemed to be a firmly held belief that sleep was for wimps) so I didn't really feel like we needed a lot of advice (although I always thought there was something fundamentally sensible about the baby whisperer books). 

We did, and still do, go with what feels right. So for instance, I didn't breast feed exclusively for 6 months, I've never let her 'cry it out', she's never slept in our bed and we did baby led weaning. I don't think any of things are 'right' for everyone but they worked for us. 



Hardest parts of being a mother: The unrelenting nature of it all. Having to do it all day and all night, every day and every night is far far more exhausting than I could ever have anticipated. 

The best parts of being a mother: The sense that you're building something new and fantastic. You've gone from a couple to a family and I just find that magical (cheesy but deliberate choice of word).

Hopes the future: We're hoping to add to our family in the coming years and that's a scary but exciting prospect. I'm so thrilled with our little family of 3 that up-ending all of that feels a bit nerve-wracking. We're confident it will be worth it though. This is just the beginning. 

Advice for expectant mums:
Trust your instincts. All of the guidance you'll get is just that, guidance. 
Oh and try and enjoy it, they'll be grown and slamming doors before we know it!

Becky and Eleanora

Name: Becky

Child: Eleanora

Expectations of motherhood: My expections of motherhood were not quite as straight forward as I’d hoped as I had a very difficult pregnancy and was in and out of hospital throughout. To cut a long story short, me and Eleanora are both extremely lucky to both be here.  

It meant a very difficult start; having 2 weeks on the neo-natal unit and being told what I could and couldn’t do with my daughter. This was very hard and any first instincts got pushed to one side. However, my expectations of being able to enjoy my child and be at home with her to watch her grow into a beautiful little girl have reached beyond belief. I never realised how much I would learn from her and how quickly she would learn from me. Watching her grow, from feeding herself to dressing herself and how pleased she is with herself to have achieved something - makes me the proudest mum.

Reality of being a mother It hit me when I realised that this little person needed me and was completely dependant on me. As Eleanora has grown she has continued to amaze me and I am always surprised by how independent she wants to be. As hard as it is I realise that I have to step back and let her do things for herself, and that she is becoming a very bright, confident little girl who I can be very proud of!

Taking you child home for the first time: When we took Ellie home for the first time I found it very strange as I’d had two weeks of being told what I could and couldn’t do with my own baby and all instincts had been pushed to the back of my mind by that time. I felt as if I had to relearn all my instincts again! But I found I enjoyed every moment of being on my own with her at long last and I could finally start to get know my baby.

The best/worst advice: When I came home I felt I had to check everything by ringing my mum or my mum in law - my mum said to me, "You have instincts, use them. You know your own baby better than anyone!" and, "enjoy every moment because I really don’t know where the time has gone." I try to enjoy every moment as it really is precious.

The hardest parts of being a mum: Probably the lack of sleep. I went back to work when Eleanora was 15 months old, and to spend as much time with her as possible I worked in the evenings. The shifts were quite late which meant I didn’t get home till gone 11.30pm some nights, and having to carry on on with a routine as normal or having been up all night with teething or illness, I often felt a walking zombie (but I wouldn’t have changed anything as it meant I could still be an almost full time mum).

The best parts of being a mum: I really wouldn’t really know where to start! I love watching Eleanora grow into a beautiful, confident little girl. Children are like sponges, they soak up so much information so quickly and I’m finding I’m not really having to teach as such, she just watches and learns so much from everyday life. I love it when when we have our own time, simple things like we’ll have a bath or take the dog for a walk and just talk about anything and everything.

Eleanora loves anything about the outdoors - she is so active. I love watching her taking in the environment around us if we’re in the fields or in the woods. She always manages to spot flowers or mushrooms. Everything is an adventure and I find I get to relive my second childhood and learn new things I may have missed out on the first time round!

Hope for your family: I hope Eleanora continues to live and love life as she has done and I hope she will be happy in all she does. I hope to have another child so that she can grow up enjoying the company and have a closeness a sibling may bring - but for the time being she enjoys having a pet dog and has learnt to share and play with him as she would have having a sibling. The only thing she did point out is that he won’t count when playing hide and seek! 

Any advice for new or expectant mums: The only advice I can give is that a child doesn’t ask to be born, you choose to have a baby so enjoy every moment as it is truly precious. Time really does go far too quick and you will never get those years back. Also as much as people say there are text books you can read, its rubbish. Do what you're comfortable doing and remember you don’t have to listen to those who think they know it all.

Vivienne and Ed

 Name: Vivienne

Child: Ed, 9 months

Location: Cheshire

Expectations of motherhood: I had heard so much about how having a child changes your life.....the lack of sleep, the lack of social life.....and so I was expecting all of these things but I don t think I really understood just how much having a baby changes things until Ed was here. I was so excited to meet the baby that had been growing in my tummy all this time and I absolutely loved being pregnant, but actually I don't think I knew what to expect - all I knew was that I was excited.

Reality of motherhood: Motherhood has been all people told me and so much more! Beforehand it just didn't really sink in just how much hard work it really is - the complete and utter lack of sleep, having absolutely no time for yourself, how it changes your body(!) and how it feels to have this tiny and vulnerable person being so utterly dependent on you for their every need. And yet, for all the sleepless nights (and believe me they continue!) and the total lack of a social life for the first few months it has been totally worth it and the love you feel for your child is really and truly like no other. And you even get used to the sleepless nights after a while. After 9 months I am used to functioning on little sleep and once you get into a routine with your baby you are able to have a little time to yourself. Even if it's just 10 minutes to grab a cup of tea!

Taking your child home for the first time: It was a cold dark January night when we first brought Ed home. I couldn't wait to leave the hospital, having being there for nearly a week after a very traumatic birth (another story!) but when my partner and I got home with Ed still in his carseat, we looked at each other and said 'what do we do now'?! It was completely overwhelming having been in the protective surroundings of the hospital we were now on our own and we had no clue what to do!

That first night we did not sleep a wink and kept checking baby was still breathing, he wasn't too hot, he wasn't too cold......but we survived and the constant checking in the night has been a recurring theme since (I don t think this ever changes as my mom still checks on me at night when I go home for the weekends!)

The best/worst advice: The worst thing I could have done is the reading, reading and more reading and comparing of all the baby and parenting books. I also googled everything.
This was so bad for me as I constantly compared myself as a parent and my baby to others in these books/on the Internet and it can make you feel inadequate. So my advice would be don't read these books and instead speak to friends/family/other mums. The best advice then has come from other mums, an invaluable source of support and ideas and a godsend!

The hardest parts of being a mother: Some of the hardest parts have been the changes to my life, there are friends that you see less of and it is hard to keep in touch when you are 100% focused on your baby. It is difficult at the start to talk about anything other than babies as that is your life, so I have tried really hard not to talk about baby things all the time when I do see friends, although maybe they would say otherwise! The lack of sleep is hard but you do get used to this and I do spend less time on my appearance than I once did. Your priorities change but I don t think this is necessarily a bad thing.
And the worrying....I am the worlds worst worrier but now, having a baby, I worry even more!

The best parts of being a mother: The best bits far outweigh the bad bits, seeing Ed for the first time was amazing, and I couldn t stop looking at him at first, actually I still can't! The love you feel is truly overwhelming and it is true what they say about forgetting about the labour once you have your baby in your arms. Seeing him reach different milestones, crawling, playing, smiling. It really is amazing to think you have created this person and that you are the most important person in their life. It's quite scary really - maybe this should have gone in the hardest section too!

On a personal level I feel calmer, more patient and less likely to stress over little things unlike before. You become more accepting about how things are and realise what's important in life, although you also realise how short life really is and that also is quite scary!

Hopes for your family: All I really hope is that Ed grows to be a happy, healthy young boy and that he achieves all he wants to achieve.

I would like Ed to have a brother or sister in the future but we are incredibly lucky to have Ed and so if it happens it happens. Either way as long as my family are happy and healthy then that's all I can wish for.
What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: My advice would be don t panic! You will be fine and there is a lot of support out there if you feel you need it.
Do not read any of those parenting books. Do not google anything.
Try and get a routine going when you can, it's so much easier to work with a routine I think and, although baby does not always stick to this if you can have regular mealtimes, bath times and bedtimes it will make your life easier!
Join local mother and baby classes, these have been invaluable to me and the friends I have made at these I hope are friends for life! I was so not the type of person to go to these and definitely didn't t think I would enjoy them but going saved me in the early days when i was totally frazzled and didn't know whether I was coming or going......and there isn t a nursery rhyme out there that I do not know the words to now.

Sarah and Jude

Name: Sarah

Child: Jude (4 in November)
Location: Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I was the first of all my close friends to have a baby and as an only child I'd had little, if no, experience of motherhood or babies. I also decided that NCT classes were not for me and that surely it would be easy enough following my own instincts! So I had the obvious expectations of knowing my life would change forever, we'd be tired and emotional and yet it would also turn us from a couple into a family.

Reality of Motherhood: I have had a wonderful, happy spirited son who has brought us more and more happiness as life goes along. Having Jude has been the biggest achievement of both our lives, and seeing him turn into his own person, with his likes and dislikes and sense of humour has been an absolute joy. He cheers us up when we are sad and makes us realise the real value of life. I know it sounds soppy but as children grow they give you so much back, all the effort you put in in the early months/years pays off tenfold the older they get. We love including him in everything we do and he embraces every situation he is put in. We have also made a conscious effort to stay in contact with all our friends, whether they have children or not, and still regularly go out (whether separately or together) so we haven't lost our 'pre baby' social lives altogether! Don't get me wrong, the early days were tough but the mind has a great knack for helping you forget the bad times and remember the good!

Taking your child home for the first time: I was very nervous in the early days. All the questions new mums have about 'how will he feed', 'how will he sleep' were at the very front of mind, and it was as though I had brought an alien back home. Who was this little person who had suddenly filled our house? This baby had been just a bump before and I was comfortable with that, now he was here and this was when the hard work started.

The best/worst advice: Be yourself and listen to your baby. I'm not here to offer anyone advice as I think it's up to mum to decide what is best. Although getting as much rest as possible is an obvious one! I never slept when he did in the early days and I paid for it later on! I was too high on adrenaline and too nervous to sleep so I couldn't physically switch off. I would say just really try to rest and look after yourself.

The hardest part of being a mother: Was initially the change from just being a couple to being a family. You are suddenly thrust into motherhood and it is a huge shock to the system, it took me a few months to adapt properly and really feel that I knew my son.

The best part of being a mother: The love you get back from your child and the innocence of childhood. Seeing the world through your child's eyes.

Hopes for your family:

After only wanting one child for about 3 years we are now planning for a brother or sister for Jude, fingers crossed! He's at an age where I can really see the benefit of siblings and think it would be the making of him. But as an only child with a wonderful childhood I see nothing wrong with having an only child.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums:

Don't read any books! They will just make you confused and feel like you are a bad mum. Follow your instincts, if you think what you're doing is best for your baby then it probably is. Try to have a mummy buddy who you can talk things through with - a problem shared is a problem halved. And don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, you're not wonderwoman!