Lucy and Eden

Name: Lucy 

Child: Eden, 10 months

Location: Burnage, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I expected motherhood to be easier, but then again I expected it to be harder. I expected motherhood to be full of gurgles and love but I'd only ever known this expectation as an observer, so when I was THE MOTHER, I couldn't believe how each gurgle broke my heart and how the love I felt was more than I had ever experienced before (sorry husband!). I also wasn't prepared for the sisterhood that I found. I thought that motherhood would be far more isolating. However, having a baby connected me on a deeper level to some incredible women (and their partners). 

Reality of Motherhood: The reality of motherhood for me changes on a weekly basis. Some weeks it's all...sick and changing nappies. Then it's sleeplessness. Then it's struggling to get a shower or brush my teeth. Then it was hair loss. Then it was marvelling at huge developments in Eden's ability. Then it was teething. Then it was remembering to feed another human being other than myself. Each time I nailed one reality, a new one would begin and it was a process for me having to deal with that one too! Other than the practicalities of being a new mum, the emotional reality was (and is) at times too much to put in to words. There was all of a sudden a person that I couldn't stop staring at, smiling at, crying at, just being completely in love with, which made all of the former realities vetoed. If I were to paint a picture of me in early motherhood, it would be me sitting on my bed, in my husband's t-shirt (maybe leaking from my bra), aching with tiredness but smiling like a maniac. I am surprised that I'm still married. 

Taking your children home for the first time: I will forever remember the drive home from the hospital. Eden had terrible forcep marks on her face from birth and this kept us in hospital for longer than we would have liked and it was quite a traumatic experience. However, leaving the hospital, I felt like we'd escaped and I even kept looking back to the hospital as we drove away wondering if the midwives were chasing behind the car. But walking through our garden gate and up to our house, I felt like an intruder walking in on my old life. It was my home but I didn't recognise it. I remember saying things like 'Eden this is your home! This is where we live! Welcome home!" But all these words felt foreign. Just seeing her in our house felt so bizarre and it took a few days for my raging hormones to adjust to our new set-up. She felt so small and I felt so responsible, and rightly so, but everything was just so new that I could not prepare for any of my feelings. All of a sudden, I felt I had grown up.

The best/worst advice: The best advice that I got was through my hypnobirthing instructor and that was to trust my body. Your body knows best. The most incredible part of being a mother is childbirth. It is an experience so intense and so powerful that you have nothing you can do except trust your body. I feel like this affirmation has crept in to my brain since childbirth, on days where I have been running on 3 hours sleep or I have felt like crying for no reason. Trust your body, go with it and you'll come out the other side just fine. 

The worst piece of advice that I ever received was "olive oil cures all newborn skin problems'... so off we went to purchase some olive oil and slathered it on her skin... What they meant was special olive oil for skin, not Marks & Spencer extra virgin. Who knew?!

The hardest parts of being a mother:
The hardest part of being a mother is probably twofold.
1. Give yourself a BREAK. Not just a 5 minute break to get a hot cuppa and social media catch-up. But a pat-on-the-back-you're-doing-an-awesome-job BREAK. Pre-motherhood, I was very critical of myself so I feared for my sanity as I entered motherhood but strangely I found an inner peace once I'd had Eden. She is my harshest critic; if i'm being shit, she'll let me know. But then again, if i'm being awesome then it's smiles and giggles all round! Hooray!
2. Give yourself a BREAK. Happy wife...Happy life?! Well, happy mum... If I'm run down and stressed then I'll make a crappy dinner, sulk in front of the TV once Eden is in bed and probably have a bad night's sleep. Where as if I've been kind to myself then I am on form...and the rest is history.

The best parts of being a mother:
There are no limits to the great parts of being a mama but I'd say the overarching thing has to be LOVE. The love for your new child, the love for your partner (even if it's a little harder to locate at times), the love for your body. My strongest and fondest memory of early motherhood was when Eden was crying and I just could not work out what was wrong, she was fed, burped, clean, and then I picked her up and she nestled her head in to my chest; I realised that she just wanted me. I had to keep reminding myself that I was her world. She didn't know that I was a new mum and that all this was new to me; she just wanted to be in her safe place and that was with me. 

Has becoming a mother changed you: It was given me wider eyes, I see things differently now and I cry at everything. Becoming a mother allowed me to be the person that I always wanted to be. I realised that i'd let jobs and other mundane crap block who I really was, and then when I had Eden, I had the time to let all my barriers down and just be me. There was no time to pretend.

Eden inspired me to start up my business whilst on mat leave and without her I wouldn't have realised that I had the potential in me to do it! (www.acornandpip.com)

Hopes for your family: I hope Eden takes after my husband; funny and charismatic. I hope we get a dog. I hope we have more children (I think i'm a little obsessed with kids now). I hope my new business does well. 

I set up an email account for Eden when she was born and occasionally I send her a little email or some photos (thanks to the Google advert for the idea!). I really hope that she opens the email account in years to come and understands where her dad and I are coming from. I hope that in amongst all of gooey, lovey-dovey-ness of the emails, she sees that all we want for her is to be happy in life.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: I don't feel in a position to give anyone good advice as I see my wonderful friends raising their babies differently to me but they are doing the most incredible jobs. I suppose this in itself leads to a piece of good advice (sorry!); trust in your own ability to raise your child. My love is all that Eden has ever known and I love her more than anything, so this in itself means I am doing a good job... right?

Visit Lucy's site www.acornandpip.com 

Follow her on Twitter at @acornandpip  and Instagram @acornandpip

Jess, Evelyn, Rosina and Polly

Name: Jess 

Children: Evelyn 6, Rosina 2, Polly 10 months

Location: Levenshulme, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I am incredibly lucky to have older siblings who all have ace partners. All of them had children before I did and my mum was so overjoyed when the first Grandchild Alasdair came along 11 years ago. She insisted we all leave work and sit in the Hospital canteen until he arrived (Polly was the last of 15 Grandchildren and I think I sent a text, and nobody came to visit!!). 

I spent alot of time watching my brothers and their partners and learned loads. I wasn't scared to have Evelyn passed to me when she was born and from that minute it felt right. That's not to say the sleeplessness wasn't hard, or I didn't panic when they got spots, but I didn't feel anxious as a new mum. I wrote a birth plan the first time round, afterwards realising it was probably made into paper aeroplanes by the Midwives - I didn't bother again after my 1st.  

Sadly when I was pregnant the second time my beautiful Mum died from kidney cancer. She saw the 12 week scan picture and sobbed. I can't imagine how heartbroken she must have felt knowing she would never meet the baby. She was one of my best friends and an amazing role model: calm, patient, tolerant and compassionate. Ironically my 2nd child is the most like her in looks. My expectations of being a Mum involved having her around to watch my children grow up. Without her, it is all quite alot harder.

Reality of Motherhood: I am always 2 weeks overdue; my third baby was 16 days late. I felt more confident the more children I had to fight against induction. I do believe that babies pay no heed to dates and come when they are ready. I am very lucky to have felt an immediate bond with each child when they were born, but I know lots of my friends who didn't. I am pretty sure that helped in getting us off to the right start. 

I thought I knew alot about having children, but the relentlessness of some of it is something you don't know until you have your own children. There is a constant demand for time, attention, food, comfort and (at the moment) I have very little time for my own space. I grew up in a big family with lots of people around all the time so I do like chaos and noise, but I also appreciate peace the older I get! Also as my children have got older, I realise that the baby/toddler stage can be tough, but actually negotiating the world, life, death, morals, rights and wrongs as the children grow up is tricky too. Evelyn has asked a lot of questions about death and how unfair it is to die if people still want you to be alive. All important questions, but when you are tired and grieving they are very hard questions to answer.

Taking your children home for the first time: They were 3 very different experiences. Evelyn came home to a tidy house which was prepared for a new baby, Rosina was born into water in the dining room (on purpose, not by accident!) and Polly came home to 2 big sisters, a house full of toys and adventure, and we both had to hit the ground running. I do remember bringing Ev home and my husband saying it was like being allowed to fall in love all over again (though he'd deny it if you asked him now!). I love the first few weeks with a new baby; there is a sense of calm in our house because the baby has arrived and it's all OK. Then things calm down and gently return to as it was before.

The best/worst advice: I remember one Midwife visiting after I'd had Evelyn and telling me my sofa 'might have looked nice in the catalogue but it was awful for breastfeeding'. She happened to be the Midwife who turned up for my 2nd home birth and was so 'old school' I loved her, she let me labour in peace and let me trust my body. It has taken me 37 years to realise and accept that you can't compare any life experiences with anyone, ever. Every parent and every child is different, if you take advice, do just that, take it, say thank you and get on with what you were doing.

 

The hardest parts of being a mother: At the moment (and I do know this is temporary) I struggle making time for myself. I put everyone else's needs first and that means I often feel exhausted and want to sit in a dark room on my own and rock gently!  Having 3 with a relatively small gap also means that the youngest are both still quite dependant; 2 sets of nappies, lack of sleep etc. That is tough. I also found that on occasion I get embroiled in a 'I'm more tired' argument with my Husband. I have honestly never had a boss or employer who worked me as hard as children do. It is full on, non-stop 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and at times, exhausting. Somedays I fall into bed realising that I have needed the loo/drink for hours and haven't managed to.

The best parts of being a mother: Well, this is bit that makes it all worth it..the fun, laughter, mess, chaos, kisses, cuddles, the smell of their heads.. all of it. I spend my days with 3 people who have a sense of inquisitiveness and excitement at the opening of a box. I go swimming with Evelyn and its like being 6 again. I blow raspberries on Rosina's belly and the noise she makes would cheer the heaviest heart. They are learning and growing every day and I am excited to see who they grow into and what sense they make of the world. My Mum didn't live in the past and talk about us as children a lot, she enjoyed us at every stage of our lives and I want to do the same.  As amazing as babies are, watching Polly learn to clap, Rosina learn to climb a ladder, Evelyn learn to swim under water is all as thrilling and life-enhancing.  I feel very privileged to call them my children.

Has becoming a mother changed you? I'm not really sure. I always wanted to be a Mum so I feel like I now have the brood I always wanted. I've never really spent lots of money on clothes or been glamorous,  so the yoghurt/snot/Weetabix/sick all over my clothes by 7.35am doesn't bother me. I don't drink as much, or make my mates stay up until the small hours drinking whisky and talking nonsense, so I'm sure they are pleased about that. My best chum Gemma said she thinks I've managed to stay me throughout 3 kids, so I'll take that as a compliment (and she benefits from me wanting a cup of tea before midnight and not tequila shots..).

Hopes for your family: I do try and be mindful and live in the here and now. If I'd have had any hopes for our future it would have been that my Mum were here to meet the children and give me a hand, and she isn't. 

My only hopes are that they can steer their own path through life, appreciate life for what it is and that if and when they have any sadness, they can still see how amazing life is and find something to make them smile.  I know they will be interesting, bright and caring women and I am very excited to watch them grow up. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: I would try not to be presumptuous that my advice would work for anyone other than me (!) but if I were to meet myself before children, or if my children ever ask, I'd say 5 things: 1. Get sleep whenever you can, 2. Accept help 3. Be confident that what you are doing is right 4. If you are going to read *any* books, make it Stand and deliver by Emma Mahony, any Dr Sears books and The Incredible years by Carolyn Webster Stratton 5. Nobody else is doing it better than you, they just say they are..