Elena, Natalie and Mia

Name: Elena

Children: Natalie and Mia (both nearly 4 years old)

Location: Chorlton, Manchester

Expectations of motherhood: I've always had this expectation that I would be a good mother. I think this idea came from the fact that I was older when we decided to start a family. I thought if I were to collect all of my experiences, live my life and get everything else out of the way, then I'd have so much more to give to the kids. As I got older and we started to try I just didn't get pregnant. After about 7 years or so I very quietly started to say, 'I'm not going to be a mother,' but I don't think I ever really believed that. 

It did happen in the end, through IVF, and because it felt like we'd waited for so long I found that I suddenly had no expectation of what would happen. It was almost like whatever happened it would be fine, and then I found out it was twins which was even better. I came to the conclusion that expectations didn't matter anymore - my own role as a mother didn't come into it anymore; it was all about them now.  

The pregnancy was straight forward and if anyone had told me that I would breeze through a twin-pregnancy without any major complaints I wouldn't have believed them. They were both breach for the last three months and so in the end was booked in for a c-section. 

Reality of motherhood: When they were born I kind of expected the big wave of love that people talk about, I didn't get that, but I did feel hugely hugely and instinctively protective. Mia was very small and she had a low birthweight. They were both so tiny - I felt like a mother lion around them. 

I was in for a week and we had a single room - they wouldn't let us out until Mia could control her own body temperature. It was fine though and it meant that by the time we left I felt a lot more confident. In the hospital the midwives and nurses were there all the time if I had questions, and that support continued at home for about another 6-8 weeks (until Mia's weight had risen enough). From then we were left to our own devices. 

A lot of people say to me, 'Wow, you must have found it hard with twins,' but actually I just didn't find it that hard when they were little because they mainly wanted the same things at the same time. Maybe it's my age, but I really didn't struggle. They were feeding in the same rhythm and that was easy to cope with. It's only now that I'm finding it quite stressful!

Taking your children home for the first time: After a week in the hospital we were allowed out and we brought them home in their car seats (which they totally disappeared in); the girls were just so tiny. We had no idea how to strap them in - we had to call the nurses to come and check we'd done it correctly. We made the journey home and then put them down in the front room, sat down and said 'What do we do now?' - the typical new parent scenario. You sit there and look and think, and now what? 

For a couple of days we tried to carry on as normal. I was downstairs getting on with normal life as much as possible and then I thought, 'No, this is not working.' For the following 6 weeks I retired upstairs to bed with the girls. I was so lucky because of Dave being self-employed, he was at home and around to look after me - I have no idea how women cope who don't have that sort of support. We also had a good friend who would come with food once or twice a week too - that was great. 

We just lived on the bed - me, the two girls, the 4 cats that we had at the time and daddy, on and off. We just spent that time getting used to each other. It was a really wonderful time and we did a lot of very important bonding in those weeks. I remember just looking at them for hours while they slept, just marvelling at them. I managed to breastfeed them which was really nice, in fact I fed them till they were 18 months. That was such a lovely time, I wish that everyone could have that luxury to spend time with their babies, getting to know them, snuggling and cuddling. It came so naturally.

Best advice: When they were babies, a friend who had also had twins (who are now adults themselves) said, 'You have to tell your other half what you need because we're not mind readers'. 

Another thing, the midwife who came to our house for a few weeks following the birth told me to trust my instincts. I was constantly worrying about whether I was doing it right and she said, 'You're doing great, just relax'. That really helped. I learnt that even though we live in modern times we still have our own mother's instinct. We might be way off sometimes, but in the early days relaxing into it works. You're not going to kill them (unless you're being extremely stupid); babies are quite robust. I remember one night when Dave was out and Mia fell off the bed. She was two months old and to this day I have no idea how she did it. The girls couldn't move, never mind roll. I was petrified, but she was absolutely fine. 

Don't try to be perfect, you'll never get it totally right. 

Worst advice: Sleep training and controlled crying. I don't understand why you'd do it. It seems so detrimental to what I believe is right. I tried it once and I managed 40/45 mins, but the whole time I was stood outside their room crying my eyes out. 

I've always stayed in their room until they feel asleep and often slept on a futon between their cots when they were small. It's only been about six months that they've been happy for me to say goodnight and then go, but I just always thought, my children are only little, and if they need me near them to feel safe enough to go to sleep then that's no major skin off my nose. It's only a very short period in my life and it's a very important part of theirs. There were obviously times when I was resentful and I didn't want to be woken up every two hours - everybody feels like that occasionally - but on the whole I think if they need me, why not fulfil the child's need? I've waited such a long time to have them and I love spending time with them, I'm willing to do things on their terms at times when I feel they really need it.

The hardest part of being a mother: You can't quit. It is the hardest job in the world with the biggest responsibility ever and you can't go to the union and say, 'I want more pay, I want less hours.' 

It's quite scary really, especially bringing up two girls. Things have changed so much since I was young. I've got friends with older kids who are having issues with social media and the internet. I don't know how we're going to handle that, but I suppose you do it as best you can and cross that bridge when you come to it. 

My wellbeing is so dependent on theirs - when they're seriously ill I feel so helpless and just desperately want to help them get better. 

t's very easy to feel like you have to live up to everybody's expectations and try to be a perfect mother. What you're supposed to be and what you are, are often very far apart and so you can't help but feel like a failure, but in the end I think you can learn a lot about yourself. Even when you get it wrong, or you think you got it wrong, you might later find that you did get it right after all and weren't that far off the mark. Motherhood is so scary because you have to make it up as you go along.

The best part of being a mother: Double cuddles, double fun. Watching them grow. Seeing the girls develop. I read parenting and child psychology books out of interest and find it so fascinating to see about how children learn how the world around them works. It's so fascinating how that all works. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? Definitely, yes. I waited for such a long time and almost didn't have children, so my focus is totally on them now. I'm very aware of their needs and tend to put them before anyone else's, although I'm doing that a little less these days. 

Now they're a little bit older I start craving more 'me time'; the girls can be really very exhausting - especially mentally exhausting - and now that I'm having more time to myself it's as if I'm collecting all the pieces of me and putting myself back together, and I do seem to be slightly different. I can't put my finger on HOW I'm different (apart from the obvious that I'm a mother), but I certainly feel different. 

I know a lot of younger parents, and some of them really feel a desire to get out and party again, but I don't have that. Maybe I'm more grounded now. It's hard to determine how I've changed, but motherhood has definitely changed me for the better.    

Hopes for your family: I hope that we'll be able to keep the girls safe. I know that there are issues with boys too, but I feel that's especially important because we've got girls. I hope that they grow up with a sense of who they are. I hope they learn that they can say 'no' in circumstances where they feel uncomfortable. For example, I don't make them give kisses to anyone. I would never force them to kiss anyone (be it relatives or friends) if they weren't happy about it. I want them to grow up owning their bodies, being comfortable in their own skin and being able to say, 'No, this is not what I want.' I hope that this self-assertion never gets violated in any sense, but all you can do is enable them to do that. 

I hope I manage to keep them safe without clucking over them. I do hope we'll be able to let them go eventually -  but that's still a long way off. I'd like it if they got a sense of what justice was, too, a sense of right and wrong. 

I hope they get an actual sense of where they want to go and what they want to do - they can do whatever they want as far as I'm concerned, just as long as they find something that they love doing. Although that is easier said than done: unfortunately you do have to earn money somehow. We'll see whether we get that one right. 

Advice to new and expectant mums: On a practical note, buy stuff on Ebay. If you buy everything new you can spend over a thousand pounds before you even have the baby.  

Spend as much time as you can in those early days with your newborns. Cleaning and cooking is not important, but those early days are so important for bonding.

  If you happen to go to any ante-natal classes (like the NCT ones I went to) keep in touch with the families you meet. There are still four of us from our group who regularly meet up. It's almost  like having extra siblings for the kids - they've known each other so long. When we go to each others' houses the children behave just like they're at home. In the early days those types of groups are also great for getting you out of the house and everybody you meet will be dealing with exactly the same issues. 

Try and enjoy those early weeks and months. I believe that I was very privileged - I probably still am - and I know there are lots of people who aren't as fortunate, but I'd like to think that if our situation had been different it still wouldn't have been about belongings and what you buy them.

For me, it's about love, cuddles and showing my children that I'm there for them. If you manage to build this emotional connection then a lot of other things can go wrong and it won't matter as much. 

Sam, Lyla and Britta

Name: Sam 

Children: Lyla, 4 and Britta, 16 Months

Location: Withington, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I suppose I hoped what everyone else does – that you won’t change that much. You’ll still travel, get to gigs, the cinema, eat out, wear clothes with non-elasticated waists, get through a day without discovering some piece of discarded food in your hair . . .

Reality of Motherhood: Who knew what a journey this was going to be?
I fell pregnant straight away and was textbook thrilled/excited/nervous.

Then at 13 weeks I had a miscarriage.
I’ll never forget going to hospital with horrendous stomach pains and the midwife asking me, “How far apart are your contractions?” 
And I thought, oh god – I’m in labour, but there won’t be a baby at the end of it.

Looking back, that was the first moment I realised that being a mother is never what you expect it to be. But I did know that whatever it brought I wanted it more than anything.

It took a few months to get pregnant again (in which I really struggled with depression), but then In Feb 2007 I fell pregnant with Lyla. I remember how nervous I was at the six week scan, but saw a heartbeat and a teeny baby, and in October she was born - healthy and beautiful.

I remember on about day four thinking, “What ON EARTH have we done?” 
I couldn’t imagine a time when we could ever go to the shop / a friends’ house / on holiday EVER again.

When we decided to try for baby number two, again I fell pregnant immediately. At about five weeks I suddenly got really nervous that I would miscarry again – and so the great early pregnancy unit at the MRI gave me a scan and at six weeks I saw a teeny baby and a heartbeat and was euphoric.

At about twelve weeks I was at work and had the tiniest drop of blood. I phoned the midwife who reassured me it was nothing, but as the evening went on I just got more and more scared. They gave me a scan the next day and I saw my little baby, who, according to the size charts, had died two days before.

With my next pregnancy I got through three scans before the baby died – with the two after that I miscarried before the first scans.

I feel so much empathy with anyone going through any fertility issues and know that it does affect everyone differently but the feelings of grief, failure, self-loathing and desperation that I experienced were overwhelming at times.

Were you a “mother’ to those never born babies just because you never held them and fed them or not? I don’t know.



In September 2010 I remember thinking I can’t do this anymore – it’s one last try and then . . well I didn’t know what the end of that sentence was, but that last chance hotel was our beautiful girl Britta.

And until the moment at 40+2 that I held her and heard her cry I can honestly say I never never thought she would arrive safely.

She did arrive safely, but she then had colic, and she NEVER slept and she cried alllllllllllll the time and I remember thinking “What? – you were SO wanted and we went through so much to get you and now it’s like some kind of waking hell!” 
As I said . . .things are never quite as you expect them to be. She remains a challenge(!) She’s also so full of life, energy and joy, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Taking your children home for the first time: I remember the drive home from hospital with Lyla on the M56 was hair raising – I had the senses of a cat - I could smell that speeding driver from 5 miles away. I wanted to scream at everyone, “Slow down! Use your mirrors! I have the most precious cargo in the world! – please be careful!" 15mph never felt faster.

Once home, it just felt right. Exhausting, but right. I never had that moment of, “Good grief – we’re now in charge of this person - aghghgh!” It just felt normal and that we were where we should be. I went home the day after Lyla was born, but with Britta I told them on the delivery unit that we wanted to go home right away. They had a bed ready on the ward, but as it was my birthday I wanted out of there and to get home and have cake and a glass of plonk (maybe I shouldn’t have told the midwife that!).

The best/worst advice: I don’t think Mothers have ever been more scrutinised or discussed as we are today. You can’t turn on the radio or TV or open a paper without some pundit or expert discussing the shortcomings of working mothers or stay at home mothers – how adversely we are affecting our childrens’ emotional development or smothering them to the point of malfunction.

We have an over-abundance of advice both good and bad and it’s often hard to wade through it all.

Talk to your friends, be honest with them about how you feel and how you’re coping. Don’t assume everyone is doing it well apart from you and you may be surprised to hear that everything isn’t rosy in their garden either - a problem shared and all that . . .

People who tell you, “Ah! These are the wonder years!" when your six week old hasn’t slept for, ooo about six weeks and you feel like you’ve been run over by a train – put it in the bin.

The main thing to always remember is no one EVER judges you as much as you’ll judge yourself – so if you give yourself a break, that’s more than half the battle.

Oh and as a friend once told me when I was delirious with lack of sleep and a screaming child – it really IS OK not to like your child sometimes (but they don’t tell you that in the movies..)

The hardest part of being a mother: Going through pregnancy loss was very hard for me – and I know people think they’re comforting you when they say, “Don’t worry – you can try again,” and,  “It was meant to be,” but I always found that so crass. I’m also aware that people simply don’t know what to say when you lose a child.

I remember one heavily pregnant woman saying to me, “At least you get to wear clothes with waists – look at me!”

The best ever comfort I got was a woman I didn’t know too well actually who just looked me straight in the eye and, "That’s a shitty thing that happened to you. I’m so sorry - you didn’t deserve that" - no attempt at explanation, no words of hope for the future. Just an understanding.

The biggest challenge now is the constant boundary pushing, which with two girls (of different ages) who are pushing two very different boundaries can seem overwhelming. I really don’t know where us parents find that extra reserve of patience when we’ve just been asked, “Why?” for the 900,000th time that day, whilst another child is trying to climb into the washing machine.



Oh and as low points go, having my lip split by a thrashing toddler two hours into a 7 hour flight was pretty much as low as I ever thought it could get. Then as I tried to mop up the blood she threw up. Allllllll over me. Those airline blankets really don’t make a good outfit, no matter how you try and accessorise.

The best parts of being a mother: The love. How to even begin to describe it? Remember when you met your partner and you thought about them all day and felt excited when your phone rang because it might be them and thrilled when you knew you were meeting later and then so screamingly delirious when they said they loved you? Like that times a million. But with a bit more puke.

Hopes for your family: Britta has a really rare condition called mastocytosis, which wasn’t diagnosed until she was 8 months old which can cause nasty cramping and wheezing as well as skin lesions. I hope we continue to manage the condition, as she can get on with life really well at the moment. I hope too that she’s part of the 60% who grow out of the skin lesions part of it, as it’s hard to see people point and stare at your child, but not as hard it will be for a teenage girl to go through that.

I hope we all manage to stay close and stay happy and stay healthy and stay sane. But mainly stay sane.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Strap yourself in – it’s the ride of your life. Whatever you expect this to be – it will surprise you. Parenthood brings you the most heart-bursting joy you can imagine. The love you feel is beyond anything you could dream of. But you know – there is also frustration, despair, absolute fatigue like you can’t believe and of course that food in your hair too.

Ahhh – you’re going to LOVE it! X

Jane, Joshua and Isobel

Name: Jane
Children: Joshua 14, Isobel 4
Location: Preston 

Expectations of Motherhood: When I was about 3 I used to sit in the bath and listen to my mum playing the guitar whilst she sat on the toilet. My mum was a guitar teacher and still is at the age of 79. She would use bath time to practise pieces, but to me it was my own little concert. She used to play 'green sleeves' and always finished with 'puff the magic dragon' or 'there was an old woman who swallowed a fly'. I was the youngest of six, so time with my mum was precious. If I look back on old photos of me as a child I probably only ever feature in photos with my eldest sister, apart from one where my eldest brother is holding me and my eldest sister is scowling at him. I always felt I was brought up by 7 parents, but knew that I was loved and had a remarkably happy childhood. 


At 19 I became an Au pair and moved to Tenerife to live with a French family (much to the dismay of my closest niece and nephew - one who lived at home, and the other who lived down the road). I took to being an Au pair like a duck to water, so much so, after looking after Eloise in France for 2 months whilst her mum was away, I had to distance myself when we got back to Tenerife as Eloise showed little affection for her mother. 


At 23 whilst living in Paris (in the 3rd year of my degree) I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't worried about being a mum, I thought I knew everything about children as I'd grown up around them. I burst into tears in Asda to the sound of 'green sleeves' thinking, 'If only I can do as good a job as my mum!' 


When I fell pregnant with Josh I lived in Golborne with Joshua's dad and had also taken on the responsibility of his 11 year old son, Tim. I thought I would find motherhood easy - I had so much love in my heart and a wealth of experience at such a young age that motherhood would be natural and a shared experience. I've been an auntie from the age of 11 and always babysat for family and family friends. To me being a mum involved caring, talking, sharing, loving but also reining-in your children. I remember being threatened with the slipper a few times by my mum (and remember her breaking her finger on the staircase whilst swiping for my brother when he came home drunk at 14). 

Reality of Motherhood: I have seen motherhood from 3 different angles. 
Firstly as a step mother; letting Tim into my life has been massively fulfilling. He is a wonderful, strong, caring human being and my life is enriched with his presence. He is a fantastic big brother and has helped enormously over the years, and now I am blessed with the affection of his children. I have always had a huge respect for his mother and often listened to her advice.


Joshua came into this world looking scarily like my older brother he was big and strong from the word go! I had Joshua in the final year of my degree; I did my last assessment on the 18th Dec, gave birth on the 21st and was back at university 3 weeks later - incidentally I did my next assessment presentation with kid poo all down the inside of my finger without realising, and often leaked on Thursdays as the lectures were too long between feeds. 
Finishing my degree whilst being a new mum was tough, typing assignments whilst breast feeding was not the easiest thing I've ever done but once my degree was out of the way the first few years with josh were relatively easy - I knew everything about babies and little children except for a few weird rashes and the terrible 2's, I thought i had it covered. 


I left Joshua' s Dad Sept 1st 1999, moved back to Preston and became a full-time, working single-parent. Thankfully I had a strong network and my parents helped enormously, but when you have to parent on your own you question the decisions you make and always feel like the bad guy. I could have spent more time with Josh but I needed to work to build a life for us. For six years I brought Joshua up on my own, he's a wonderfully affectionate young man and has a massive flare for sport, so I spent an enormous amount of spare time playing football, badminton, tennis and cricket with him as a child. I've always been a bit of a tomboy so this was easy and Josh just excelled starting with Man Utd and Blackburn academies - any sport he turned his hand to he mastered quickly. 


I met Isobel's dad when josh was 6 and we married after a year. Josh and Andy hit it off straight away and he took over the sporty part, playing football and cricket with him all the time - so much so I felt a bit pushed out at times. Motherhood took a turn as I didn't have to be Mum and Dad anymore - although I did become his cricket coach just to keep my hand in! 


When josh turned 10 Andy and I had Isobel, she was such a little character with amazing dimples and birth was so easy in comparison to the enormous Josh who had taken 2 days. Isobel was out in 10 mins! I felt so lucky to have a gorgeous boy and a beautiful little girl and for 2 months everything seemed so perfect. Then one day on the way to take Joshua to school he had a strange episode. Luckily I was with my sister who happens to be a GP and she diagnosed it straight away as a form of epilepsy (or possibly a brain tumour!). 


Andy and I cried a lot that night trying to get our heads around this but I felt a strength inside that I needed to be strong for everyone. Thanks to my sister he was seen by the Neurologist quickly and had a couple of MRI scans, and so the brain tumour was ruled out. But he kept on screaming, running around in circles and laughing uncontrollably (at one point 19 times a day). I had slightly longer off work with Isobel and so didn't have to cope with teaching, having a new baby and Joshua's illness all at once. We went to the specialist and I told her my sister's diagnosis but she refused to believe it was frontal lobe seizures, and although he had more MRI' s and EEG's he was not put on medication and so was having more and more episodes. 

Luckily Joshua has a very strong, confident personality and because of this he has been able to cope with this happening (sometimes in front of 200 people) in football matches and on the cricket pitch. It hasn't stopped him although I can't say it hasn't held him back. Joshua changed from the boy I knew - he became a total fidget, couldn't understand facial expressions and it was almost like he'd been swapped for another child at times. We had to learn how to deal with situations in a different way. 

For me I felt like I had to fight to get the diagnosis, luckily when school turned around and said they would not let him play sport any longer the specialist took note and he was taken into hospital for 3 days of EEG's, and together with the data I had collected they finally decided it was 'frontal lobe seizures!!!' Josh started on the medication just as he began high school and in November 2008 his seizures stopped, he came back and we had our son again. We had 2 years seizure free and although he has gone back to having seizures (his size has doubled) and we strive to find the right combination of meds to allow him to live as normal a life as possible. I have to be very organised with his meds and have to remind him constantly to take them. His food intake has to be monitored like a hawk too as his meds increase his appetite (as well as him being 14 and nearly 6ft tall, and being a very talented sportsman). 


Motherhood with Isobel has been a different experience again in that this time I have been able to share it with someone else from the beginning - share the decision making, share the responsibility, share the momentous moments and the frustrating ones. Unfortunately although I had more time off with Isobel at the beginning - and as a teacher I do get the holidays - my career has meant having to work long hours and coping with huge stresses. I envy mothers who stay at home with their children, or who pick them up from school/preschool, or the ones who always make sure their children have the most amazing outfits on dressing up days. It's not like that in our house! Being a bit of a Tom boy and having a really girlie girl is a bit of a shock - I don't get the obsession with pink or the obsessive desire to wear dresses (no matter what the weather), but having a girlie girl has made me a bit more of an every-occasion mum as opposed to just a sporty-mum!

I did have a skewhiff idea that having children 10 years apart would mean that they got along really well and that Josh would look after his little sister, but they fight like cat and dog - no such luck!

Taking your children home for the first time: 2 totally different experiences; taking Joshua home was one of the lowest points in my life, not because of Josh - he was a beautiful! 
I had been in hospital for 2 days after Josh was born. Joshua's dad had had an argument with the Paediatrician before we left the hospital, we got in the car and then he refused to put the seat belt on Josh, so we drove home unsafe from Billinge to Golborne. When we got home I took my beautiful little man upstairs - I often looked at Josh amazed that I'd had such a gorgeous, perfect boy and I wondered if someone would come to the door and tell me there had been a mistake, and that i had to give him back! How did i deserve such an amazing little man? 


As I climbed precariously into bed with my 8 stitches, exhausted but so proud of this gorgeous, chunky baby. Joshua's dad came storming into the room, "Your mum and dad are arriving in half an hour and you need to decorate the tree!" 
I don't know where the energy came from but I managed the Christmas tree, entertaining my parents and cooking most of the Christmas dinner. Needless to say I didn't manage staying with Joshua's dad. 


Isobel was a totally different experience. I had Isobel 2 days after a great friend of mine had given birth to her twins in the same ward and we spent the night after Isobel was born sat up laughing till about 2am. Isobel had been really wriggly every night before she was born and now she was in a cot next to me. I missed the wriggle and I remember completely forgetting about nappies - it was only when a nurse reminded me that I remembered! I was just so busy staring at her or holding her to think about the practicalities. Andy came to pick me up in the morning and he held our little bundle of joy, Joshua came to see us before school and everything was as it should be; a happy experience. 


Isobel and I had a pleasant journey home and I fell asleep whenever and wherever I needed to, the washing wasn't done but hey I live in reality, not cloud cuckoo land! I still stare at my children amazed that they're mine - at least nobody has come to the door yet!

The best/worst advice: Be a parent. It's hard sometimes to stick to your guns - kids are the best at manipulating (they learn it from a very early age) - but you have to be strong and have clear boundaries. Work together because they will play you off against each other if they find any weaknesses. Don't befriend your children, they need parents! Befriend them when they're adults and they'll respect you more (and you will have less behavioural problems when they hit their teenage years).

Discuss issues with your children and explain your decisions. If they have a greater understanding of why something is wrong, they are less likely to do it again. 

Always eat with your kids. Family time is really important to share your daily experiences. 


I have friends who insist that their children have to stick to a routine and this rules their lives, I had children to spent time with them, I enjoy their company. They have routines sometimes, but they don't rule our lives.

Make sure that you instill a sense of optimism in your kids. Be honest with them. Set them achievable, challenging targets that inspire them to learn. Keep learning fun. Optimistic children are more more successful in life.

Talk to them all the time - don't feel like a fool talking about flowers and clouds with a baby they're learning vocabulary that will improve their learning and development.

If you feel like you're going to lose your rag with your kids walk away, calm down and go back when you can sit down and talk about what happened. Teach them about empathy you will teach them to be more emotionally intelligent.




The hardest parts of being a mother: TIME! Not being there all the time. Working full time means that I miss out on different things - cricket and football matches for Josh and different events at pre-school for Isobel, as well as swimming lessons and sports day etc. Sometimes I come home from work after a long tough day and feel like I'm starting all over again having a teenager at home. 

The best parts of being a mother: Sharing their lives. My children give me a great sense of joy. I stand watching Josh at a cricket match - a 14 year old boy standing side by side on the men's team - hitting a fantastic shot or taking a brilliant wicket or kicking an amazing goal at football and the joy it brings him is amazing. For Isobel when she learns something new. Like when she's concentrating on something in the back of the car and then all of a sudden she'll have a eureka moment - that's such a fantastic payback. 


Watching my children grow and being a part of it, knowing that I have had a hand in them becoming wonderful people - that's the best part. That's what I had children for, that's why I became a teacher, that's why I love being an auntie; great auntie; step-grandma. 
It's all about being a positive influence and reaping the rewards. 
it's not money that makes us wealthy.

Hopes for your family: I hope that Josh can get to a point that the Epilepsy is controlled and he can continue to develop his skills in sport and do well in everything he turns his hand to. I hope that Isobel continues to love learning and exploring and continues to be a happy, joyful girlie girl! 


Most of all for them to have happiness and success. Some people think success is about the big house, the big car, the fancy job. To me success is being in a happy relationship, being optimistic, having a happy life and doing something that is fulfilling to them. I hope they bring up their children with the values and morals that I have tried to get them to share.


What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Go to aqua natal - it really made a difference second time around and try baby massage - I'm still reaping the benefits of that 4 years on. Potty train after they start to notice what they are doing. Make sure you make time for yourself. Exercise will keep you sane.

Géraldine and Juliette

Name: Géraldine

Child: “Lilu” Juliette, 4

Location: Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I came into it quite late so I had contradicting impressions; on one side I thought I knew what the reality of it might be like as I had caught a glimpse of family members and friends becoming parents …but on the other side I stupidly thought that it was going to be amazing and romantic, this perfect picture shot in soft focus like a Timotei advert or a David Hamilton photograph! My twenties and early thirties were all about me, my boyfriend and my mates, all about hedonism and fun (with a bit of work thrown in there!) and I had a ball. Glyn and I had been together ages and we knew we wanted to be in it for the long haul so having a baby was the natural progression. And I (wrongly) assumed that I would instantly mature overnight… When Lilu arrived I was definitely ready for her though, and I haven’t looked back.

Reality of Motherhood: the trauma of miscarriages, the obvious lack of sleep, the hormone overload, this overwhelming feeling of isolation at first, the tears (mine and hers), the helplessness, not ever getting back into my old jeans, risk assessing everything, not being carefree any longer or spontaneous (as in being able to book a flight to Berlin on a whim, or jump the fence at Glastonbury)… but also so happy and grateful that she is healthy and that we are in this bond together for ever.

Taking your child home for the first time: it was all a blur... I was so crazy tired and ill that I thought there was another baby in there and I had to push it out: we put it down to a bad case of “Baby Blues” but it transpired that I shouldn’t have been signed off so soon and I ended up having to deliver some remnants of my placenta at home that day. After this initial trauma, making a little place for her at home and adapting to having a limpet attached to me 24/7 was an unsettling but amazing thing. Her first bath at home was a terrifying experience and I just remember shaking uncontrollably as I tried too hard not to drop her. We took her home in January and the weather was diabolically bad so the overall feeling was that I needed to keep her warm all the time…the best thing I did though was to venture outside a week later and brave the elements, I felt so invigorated by it and Lilu slept the whole time so I really relished our daily walks after that. 

My dad came over from France straight after the birth and stayed for a few days and I’d never known him to be so quiet, wide-eyed and bewildered, bless him. He’s usually quite vocal and I guess that it was so out of character that it made me a bit paranoid (am I being shit? Am I not doing this or that properly? Why is he not saying anything? etc) In fact, he was just so overwhelmed by the whole thing and Lilu being so tiny that he was just freaking out a bit. Then my mum came over and wanted to bring one of her 2 sisters with her, but I thought that was all a bit too Mafia-like for my poor Glyn… I had visions of him recoiling in a corner shaking while these crazy French ladies (me included) were all telling each other what to do and how to do it best! She came over on her own in the end and proved to be a great help by just being there, like your favourite comfort blanket…albeit a blanket that does all your housework!

The best/worst advice: A lady from La Leche League in Didsbury saved my life one Sunday morning about 5 weeks after Lilu’s birth when I thought we were both going to die…Juliette of starvation and me of heartbreak (thinking that I was a failure and that I was letting her down by not being able to do the most natural thing in the world). She took one look at us and just said this baby is tongue-tied that’s why she’s not feeding properly; go to this hospital in Oldham etc. We went there, Lilu had the procedure and within a couple of minutes she was gulping down the milk like she was always meant to…and instantly restored my confidence in my mothering abilities. After the “she’s not latching on properly” and the “you must be doing it wrong” attitude and comments I had received from the health visitors I just felt like a big black cloud had lifted.

The hardest parts of being a mother: The hardest part has to be when she’s ill. I would love to take it all away and make her feel better but I feel so helpless as I can’t…

There is the general new mum feeling that I wasn't good enough in the first few months; thinking it was my fault that she was not feeding properly (I hated the bullying tactics from health visitors). I felt frustrated that I was not being to sleep when she was sleeping and therefore ended up having a massive sleep backlog and feeling guilty for it…

Also, I couldn’t help feeling isolated and like it was me and my baby against the rest of the world at times. Being away from my mum and dad and family in general probably didn’t help. (Although I have great friends who have become our extended family here, how many “aunties” can Lilu have!?)

Managing my feelings in general has been a struggle. I find it hard having to let go… …it’s been an intense adventure so far and it’s hard trying to balance individuality and closeness. She is sooo independent and also hugely affectionate; it’s a tough one for me this pulling-pushing thing!

Another toughie is setting boundaries, being consistent, and discipline generally. I am so glad the terrible 2-3’s are behind us; I just found those silly tantrums so pathetically funny that I am not sure I dealt with them the best way but eh, it’s done now. She is so impossibly bossy and strong-willed that we are bound to clash horns…and deep down I quite like her feistiness, it will come handy in later life!

 The best parts of being a mother: Ahhh, the most wonderful thing was the first time she said “mama” of course (and all the other times after that!). Then there’s the amazing love she gives me and the way she strokes my ear lobes to go to sleep. 

And I would feel lost without the constant flow of silly (or tricky!) questions…

The turning point for me was the moment I realised that I had fully adjusted to being a mum; I had been mourning the loss of my independence and the changes in my relationship with Glyn and then one day I became conscious of all the wonderful things I had received in exchange.

I know I mentioned it in the worst parts as well but having to let go is actually a positive thing… Being able to trust her to fix things for herself, knowing that I am giving her the best of whatever I am capable of and it will be amazing to see what she does with it!

Her smile, her cascading laughter, her cuddles…feeling this rush of love every time I look at her. Watching her evolve into this amazing little being who is making friends and is learning how to read and count. Seeing the world through her very sparkly eyes!

And from the start, one of the best feelings ever was being a family, the 3 of us, and the sensation of it all making sense. I'm not a hippie as such but it felt like it was the natural progression of our love, that it was where it just had to go... I remember life before her and it was great, but life with her is definitely better; she now makes everything stand out more and more vivid, like a little highlighter pen!! I love looking forward to waking her up in the morning and to picking her up from school, I get the biggest cuddles then!

Hopes for your family: That we live happily ever after! I would hope that she would grow up to be a kind, considerate, smart, balanced happy individual and that she would also keep her little quirks and silly ways... Since she has dual nationality, I hope she will be completely bilingual too and have a close relationship with my parents and family in France, albeit mainly via Skype!

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums:
Prioritise.
Do not worry about what other people think.
Ask for help with household tasks and keep your unrealistic expectations in check. Oh and don’t wear your best clothes until they are at least 3.
In a nutshell, get ready for the whirlwind! Laugh and enjoy making memories together (every day goes really fast…)

Chloe, Emery and Xanthe

Name: Chloe 

Children: Emery, 4 and Xanthe, 2 

Location: Stockport

Expectations of Motherhood: I have always known I wanted children, and used to be able to reel off and – I thought – empathise with, all the clichés of motherhood. But whilst I had a rough idea of the physical and practical demands, I had no appreciation of the emotional challenges which come as part of the package

Reality of Motherhood: Hmmm... impossible to define. For me, the reality of the first year of motherhood was very different to the phase I find myself in now. My first year being a mum was an intense bubble of amazingly happy experiences and huge adjustments. I’m really glad I indulged in all my favourite parts of ‘baby-dom’ because once your baby becomes a toddler you step out of the baby haze and the real world looms large once again.

Second time around we were looking forward to a smooth ride thinking that we’d already learnt most of the hard lessons. However, we found out when our daughter Xanthe was just two weeks old that she is profoundly deaf. We knew nothing about deafness, and had only fears in our mind about the future that awaited Xanthe and us all. I was busy trying to look after a newborn and help our son adjust to life as a big brother, whilst trying to come to terms with my sadness about the diagnosis. It’s fair to say that all of my initial fears (‘would Xanthe ever be able to speak?’ ‘how would she know that I love her if she never hears me say it?’) have since faded away as Xanthe’s personality has emerged and we’ve found our own way of communicating.

Xanthe had cochlear implants fitted just before she was 2, which allow her to hear almost all sounds. With lots of speech therapy and support from a fantastic team of professionals, she is learning how to listen and speak. We are aware from subsequent diagnoses that she is likely to face further challenges later in life, for now I find it easier to focus on the current challenges than dwell on ‘unknowns’. You don’t have to spend long in paediatric waiting rooms to realise there are lots of families out there whose daily lives are so much harder than most of us parents could even imagine. I feel like our eyes have been opened to another world which we were oblivious to first time around because we were so consumed with the usual new parent activities.

Taking your children home for the first time: With our first child it dawned on me before even leaving the hospital that there were just too many decisions involved in caring for a child, and I may as well give up on the hope of getting everything ‘right’. I’d just have to have faith that I was trying my best and hope that would be enough to keep him happy and healthy. The tiredness over the next few weeks made everything more intense, for good and for bad. It was a precious yet overwhelming time. 

The best/worst advice: During my pregnancy I was quite shocked at how many people felt they could comment or offer advice to me just because I was pregnant (“so big”, “too small”...)

I was shocked when I was 7 months pregnant at the train station waiting for my train and I (discreetly) applied some lipstick. A male fellow commuter (who I recognised but didn’t know), said to me “You don’t need to bother with that now, you’ve already had your man!”. As ever in these situations, I’ve since come up with about 15 worthy responses which frustratingly I was too shocked at the time to use.

The hardest parts of being a mother: There have been days dealing with the almost constant stream of requests from my kids when I have felt like I have almost ceased to exist as a person in my own right: grateful if even my most basic of needs has been met, like going to the toilet or fitting in time for a drink of water. In the evenings when they are asleep, I pad around the house with no music, TV.... just enjoying the silence!

I remember feeling glued to the sofa in the early days of breastfeeding, and unable to put my baby down at all throughout the day. I had a favourite aunt coming to visit one day and I was keen for the house (and us) to look our best. Emery would not settle with anyone else, so I had to let others tidy up around me. I felt at one point like I might actually spontaneously combust with frustration as I sat there and watched others take an hour to do what would have taken me 10 minutes.

I think different mums (and children) have stages/ages that suit them more than others. I loved pretty much every aspect of the first year, and didn’t really mind the physical demands. I have found the toddler years much harder, with the constant emotional drain – the tantrums, tears, the continual need to have an ‘approach’ to behaviour, mealtime etc. Yet, I am fully aware that I will most likely look back in 20 years time and realise that these have been the happiest times of my life, because I have been most needed and in a position to give so much to my children.

During the ‘terrible 2’s’ I remember there being times when I could almost feel my patience growing. If you’ve got to stand while your toddler counts every brick on a wall, you may as well take the opportunity to relax and enjoy it, rather than wrestle inside with the memory of how you used to be able to get from ‘a’ to ‘b’ or whizz through your ‘to do’ lists at your own pace.

Having a child who has additional needs can place an unforeseen burden on you as parents in many ways. You have to act as the conduit of information for your whole friends/family network. Everyone looks to you to let them know what the latest information is, what they can do to help, how they should communicate with your child etc. It’s fantastic they want to be involved, but it means you need to always be one step ahead. Xanthe had her first hearing aids at 6 weeks old, so I had to quickly get used to responding to strangers stares and questions. You also have to be organised and well-informed to question or challenge professionals while acting as advocate for your child at the many appointments. The NHS support has been fantastic, but I still have box files full of paperwork relating to the different teams we access, and we spend a lot of our spare time researching medical information and accessing support networks.

Finally, I do find it hard not having family close by. It is a choice we have made to live here, but I try not to think about how much easier it would be if we had family who could easily help out at short notice or where we could just call by for a cup of tea.

The best parts of being a mother: I just love watching my children growing into the intriguing characters they are. As their personality and interests emerge it is fascinating to see them interacting with people in their own right, and adding their own perspective to the world they see around them. It is a privilege to witness. As is watching them dance - we often whack up the music and have a boogie together – nothing better.

I’d like to also give a rare mention for one of the positive side effects of being so tired – you simply don’t have the time or energy to deal with stuff that you probably should’ve shaken off years ago, so I think I’m (becoming) more ruthless now and better able to prioritise who and what I spend my time on.

Hopes for your (growing) family: Well, since the birth of our daughter, Xanthe, I have revised my hopes for our family. Prior to finding out she is deaf I felt in control of most aspects of our growing family; we’d had the two children we’d hoped for without having to wait too long and were happy with our working and home lives. The diagnosis made me realise that what I’d thought of as all being part of a clever plan, had actually just been luck. It has been important for me to find my peace with the diagnosis so that I can accept it and get on with enjoying life as a family. I know that as full and happy life is as possible for Xanthe as any other child. It’s just that she has had a different starting place and will face different challenges along the way.

So, my hopes for my beautiful children are for them to feel happy in themselves and confident in accessing all that life has to offer. I would hope that they will grow up to be well-rounded citizens, who never stop listening and learning, and are appreciative of all that we have.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums:

In no particular order....

Get a decent camera – if you have any plans to upgrade your camera then don’t wait, you may as well do it at the start to capture all the precious ‘firsts’ from the beginning.

It is as well to anticipate a period of adjustment for you and your partner as you get used to life as parents – it is a big change, and there is likely to be some colourful language on the way.

Plan your ‘mum’ wardrobe while you have time before the baby arrives. Your figure will go through several stages before reaching it’s new norm and you’ll probably feel unsure of what flatters it. Bright scarves will help perk you up when you’re feeling tired and, along with some flattering shirts or cardigans to cover you, will make you feel more confident in your early attempts to breast-feed in public.

I have had to learn to be more aware of and assertive about my needs. Unless you are specific about what you need, your partner/friends/family can’t help you. Your children need you to be at your strongest, so if that means you asking for a Saturday once a month when you can go off and think about just yourself for a day, then do it. Similarly, it isn’t a crime to sort yourself out before you tend to your crying baby. You’ll probably feel a lot less stressed if you get your coat off and flick the kettle on or grab a quick bite to eat before you get your baby out of the pram for a feed after a walk.

Finally, don’t be tempted to stop at Tesco’s on your way to the hospital when in labour to pick up final snacks – the labour might just be quicker than you expect!