Celina and Oliver

Name: Celina

Child: Oliver, 6 months old

Location: Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I didn’t really know what to expect. I guess I was worried that ‘The fun years’ chapter would close, i.e. no more nights out, hanging out with friends or trips to the cinema, and that I somehow would go through a quick metamorphosis into a very mumsy mum, which didn’t happen. Phew!

So far we are managing just fine, with small adjustments here or there, and so I feel like I’m enhancing the fun years chapter. 

Having said that I have some expectations of myself as a mum and how I want to raise my little boy. He’s only 6 months old, so we are still yet to see how many of those are just ‘ideas’ that will not work in real life. 

Reality of Motherhood: I love being a mum! I still go ‘Am I really a mum?’ every time I say this. The reality of being a mum is an emotional rollercoaster, you have good and bad days. You’re constantly learning on the job, worry a lot and have little sleep. Some days you feel like “you’ve got this”, and the others you’re a total mess in pyjamas at 5pm… 

There are two surprising things for me. Firstly, that I love like I’ve never loved before, and somehow I love my baby more and more each day, and secondly, so far, I have been able to stay super calm in stressful situations. For example, when we needed to take him to kids A&E when he was 4 months old. With a sudden great responsibility over someone so vulnerable you stay focused. 

Taking your child home for the first time: My waters had broke on Monday 25th July and Oliver was born on Wednesday 27th. I had a high temperature after labour and so we both got antibiotics to prevent infection, and stayed in hospital for 5 days after. I was a little bit disappointed that we couldn't go home straight away, but also relieved at the same time, as I got a lot of help at the hospital and could slowly get to know my little guy. 

Leaving the hospital after 5 days with a new baby was overwhelming. I felt like I was leaving behind the old Celina who arrived care and child free to the hospital 5 days before. The new Celina who was leaving was a responsible mum. 

I was very happy - emotional after the childbirth - which I found amazing, beautiful and life changing, but also felt totally shell shocked... On top of that I was also quite worried about bringing our son home, as we have a very possessive Springer called Emma, who loves her human daddy a lot!

Our arrival was highly emotional for all of us, Emma was running around the house and panting trying to work out what’s going on and both of us wept while trying to cuddle her. In the end things worked out and she’s found plenty of room in her heart for another man.

The best/worst advice: The worst, or maybe just annoying advice was ‘sleep when baby is asleep’. How about... ‘I want to sleep at night! My body clock is telling me to stay awake because it’s the middle of the day, and I need to sterilise the bottles’!

The best advice, would be to listen to your intuition. As soon you’re pregnant, people feel entitled to impose their experiences, opinions and advice on you. I know that people are trying to help and also re-living their early parenthood, but as a new, and first time mum, I want to get to know my baby and learn to take care of him, which comes often from my intuition. 

The hardest parts of being a mother: I’m quite an anxious person as it is, but when you're a mum, you worry all the time; ‘Is he warm enough?’ ‘I hope he’s not too hot’. Any rash, cough, sneeze… 
I’m not as bad as I was when he was only days and weeks old, but as my mum said, this feeling of worrying never goes away. To be honest, I am not entirely sure how my mum has allowed me to live in a different country!

Disturbed sleep is a killer. It makes you tired, grouchy, snappy and not yourself. This has an impact on your relationship, which is always quite rocky after having a baby. I had never ever expected that I’ll be arguing over who had more sleep! I’m actually giggling writing this. 


The best parts of being a mother: Being able to love someone so much and being loved! My heart melts every time Oliver raises his hands towards me. I feel like I want to turn round in a double-take like, ‘Is he talking to me?’ 

Also, seeing them grow and develop! They change so much during the first year; from this tiny newborn to a proper little boy or girl. It’s absolutely mind blowing for me!


And finally, being able to rediscover the world through your child’s eyes and be silly. I’ve always been very silly around my friends and quite professional (for the Ad industry anyway) at work. 

I have never been around children and so I never knew how to interact with them, and any attempt of interacting with them made me feel awkward. As I am on maternity leave now and spend a lot of time around kids and babies I’m getting totally relaxed and silly around them. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? Totally! My priorities have totally shifted, my routine and the way I spend my time have changed. I want to make the world a better place for him.

Hopes for your family: I want my family to enjoy simple life, things that we took for granted when we were young. I want our son to play outside, climb trees, eat healthy food, not care about taking selfies (that his mum’s job ha ha) or spend days in front of the telly. I just want us to be happy, healthy and have fun. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? To new mums, go with the flow, enjoy every second and do not wish for another milestone. Although, I know how difficult this is. They change so quickly that you should enjoy every split second!

To expectant mums, please do not worry about giving birth. For some reason, people always share horrific stories about childbirth, and our culture is full of them too. Does it hurt? Of course, it hurts, but our bodies have been designed to do it. Trust yourself, your body is powerful and it will amaze you! 

Extra Info: I’m currently enjoying maternity leave and pretty much the best time of my life! I have set up a fitness & lifestyle blog to document this year, which ended up being a great platform to meet many wonderful mums! Follow me or message me! Let’s unite, inspire, collaborate and empower each other!

My blog - www.53weeksoff.com

instagram.com/celinaks

Ana and Samuel

Name: Ana 

Child: Samuel, 6.5 months

Location: Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood:

I had mixed feelings about motherhood. I most worried about what I was "going to leave behind" (people love giving you the drama about "losing your life, missing out on this or that"..). I also expected tiredness, desperation, fear, endless worry and depression at some point...
I did not want to resent becoming a mother, as it would not be fair on anybody, including myself and so it took me some time to make the final decision.

On the other hand, I also expected to find it a really interesting experience, full of new adventures and the idea of starting up with the best intentions, open mind and hopefully with more information than our previous generations.
I am naturally quite pessimistic, however, in order to become a mother, I had to reconcile some of my worst fear with a sensible optimism which has to exist in order to finally make the decision to bring someone into the world; this lovely blank canvass of a human, to join the "Trip of Life". I am not a religious type, so really, we reckoned that this one-off ticket was worth it, so we had Sam.

Reality of Motherhood: Tiredness: check. Missing out on this or that..: check; although I shall say that I now choose how to spend my time much more efficiently. That includes choosing both quality (unrelated to money) in places and people. I no longer take the chance of having a rubbish club night and ending up talking to people I am not keen on, outside of a "cool" club most of the night, which has to be a good thing.

My husband and I are a team. That means we share the responsibility of bringing up Sam equally. It allows us to have time to spend doing our own thing, as well as doing things as a family, or as a couple (with additional help, of course). So I have time to continue with what I used to do prior and during pregnancy. In that sense, I do not feel I am missing out. We'll see how it goes, when I return to full time work. 

I have met some lovely mothers at baby groups; I would like to keep in touch with some of them, although the task may be complicated once we go back to work.

Taking your child home for the first time: I was very happy with the team at St. Mary's, even though they were really short of beds and I was initially going to be discharged after 24h. I ended up staying another day because I was still in pain from surgery (I had a c-section). I was worried about feeding Sam, but he still looked good (though ravenous) for 2 days old.

The best/worst advice: The best advice was, at the time, although a bit late, that combine feeding your baby is fine, you are not a selfish cow or less of a human, you are just trying to help your baby get through his first days! Without going into too much detail, Sam had to be rushed back into hospital on the 5th day, because he was not getting enough nourishment. Nobody really checked how much milk, if any, I was producing (I kept being told to stick to breastfeeding, because I was doing great and Sam latched on perfectly, with full cheeks etc, although he was probably gulping air all the time). Hindsight is great and hateful at the same time. I wish I had been more compos mentis, to ask nursing staff/health visitors to give me straight, unbiased instructions, as I did not have a clue. In essence, stay away from the Breastfeeding and Vaginal Birth Propaganda, because no plan is set in stone. We, as women, should be supporting each other to deal with the circumstances we encounter, not look down on each other etc.

Another idea we found very sensible, but often overlooked, was when a friend advised us to look after ourselves, to stay away from harmful people and situations (and if possible, to protect ourselves from stressful experiences), to be positive and take this as a constructive and loving experience (without trying to sound twee).

Also, a great piece of advice is to put him to bed whilst he is still awake, never cuddle him to sleep. It did wonders to settle him into a routine. He does not need anyone to be present in the room, which freed us a lot. Sam has adapted really well to travelling in Spain and will settle into his routine, no matter where he is (he would go to sleep after about 15-20 minutes, of the first night in a strange place). 

The hardest parts of being a mother: The tiredness, which impacts on all aspects of our daily structure and our mental clarity. The careless judgement we are subjected to, often from people who do not know us from Adam. At other times, it is people closer to us, whom we have to ask to keep their unrequested nagging to themselves, as it may cause unpleasant situations, easily misconstrued as ungratefulness on our part. We are only doing our best, we are tired, we will ask for advice and help when we need it, don't worry!
The memory blanks. In fact, I have forgotten a few ideas I was going to log here.

The best parts of being a mother: Seeing Sam smiling at me every morning. He looks so happy and his smile is so sincere (untarnished by life, sounds harsh, I know!) that I just want to bite lumps out of him.
It may seem like I am copying Jo now (we actually met at the Children's Hospital) but it's great to see Sam with his father (Richard) laughing and enjoying themselves. It really makes you think what is important in life and what is just, well, a masquerade, like Facebook lives (and I use Facebook daily).
Has being a mother changed you? Yes. I can think more clearly now and speak up about fundamental matters with a better outlook. There is an innocent human's life at stake here, which is our responsibility and this has put me right where I need to be. 

Hopes for your family: To be happy, healthy, free-thinking, conscientious, coherence of action and belief and exercise solidarity.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Tell people who just want to tell you negative stories, to make you feel bad about pregnancy and maternity, to stick their tongues where it is most needed. Search for wise professionals and you will find them. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, it is not good for you.

Extra info: 
You do not have to give up your life and your whole being, in order to be a mum. You do not want to be the most sacred and abnegate "Madonna" in the cemetery or mental health unit. Of course, it helps if you have a partner/husband/wife/friend who shares the responsibility of looking after little ones equally, without being selfish. Communication, love and understanding of each others needs and preferences is key. Also, do not take everything personally, we will be all tired and that gives way to grumpiness. I am the Queen of Grump.

Note: these experiences I've been able to enumerate here, are underpinned by my benefiting from the umbrella of protection that the National Health Service has provided me, as a citizen of Manchester and the UK. 
In a climate where the Political/Money Caste is digging deeper into the heart of this Public Health system, to discredit it, in order to justify the underfunding in so many areas, thus feeding into this idea of "inefficiency", I have been able to deliver a child, feeling confident that I was in good hands, that this system should not be a privilege, but a model that exists in every country. I have not lost sight of the sad fact that the interests hidden behind the dismantling of this system, only look after themselves, they do not care about whether an ambulance can reach to where you are or whether enough beds/staff/equipment... are available. Please, let's value what there is and exercise your right to demand from the Caste that public money is invested where it is needed. Because there is money to keep it working proficiently.