Jane, Joshua and Isobel

Name: Jane
Children: Joshua 14, Isobel 4
Location: Preston 

Expectations of Motherhood: When I was about 3 I used to sit in the bath and listen to my mum playing the guitar whilst she sat on the toilet. My mum was a guitar teacher and still is at the age of 79. She would use bath time to practise pieces, but to me it was my own little concert. She used to play 'green sleeves' and always finished with 'puff the magic dragon' or 'there was an old woman who swallowed a fly'. I was the youngest of six, so time with my mum was precious. If I look back on old photos of me as a child I probably only ever feature in photos with my eldest sister, apart from one where my eldest brother is holding me and my eldest sister is scowling at him. I always felt I was brought up by 7 parents, but knew that I was loved and had a remarkably happy childhood. 


At 19 I became an Au pair and moved to Tenerife to live with a French family (much to the dismay of my closest niece and nephew - one who lived at home, and the other who lived down the road). I took to being an Au pair like a duck to water, so much so, after looking after Eloise in France for 2 months whilst her mum was away, I had to distance myself when we got back to Tenerife as Eloise showed little affection for her mother. 


At 23 whilst living in Paris (in the 3rd year of my degree) I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't worried about being a mum, I thought I knew everything about children as I'd grown up around them. I burst into tears in Asda to the sound of 'green sleeves' thinking, 'If only I can do as good a job as my mum!' 


When I fell pregnant with Josh I lived in Golborne with Joshua's dad and had also taken on the responsibility of his 11 year old son, Tim. I thought I would find motherhood easy - I had so much love in my heart and a wealth of experience at such a young age that motherhood would be natural and a shared experience. I've been an auntie from the age of 11 and always babysat for family and family friends. To me being a mum involved caring, talking, sharing, loving but also reining-in your children. I remember being threatened with the slipper a few times by my mum (and remember her breaking her finger on the staircase whilst swiping for my brother when he came home drunk at 14). 

Reality of Motherhood: I have seen motherhood from 3 different angles. 
Firstly as a step mother; letting Tim into my life has been massively fulfilling. He is a wonderful, strong, caring human being and my life is enriched with his presence. He is a fantastic big brother and has helped enormously over the years, and now I am blessed with the affection of his children. I have always had a huge respect for his mother and often listened to her advice.


Joshua came into this world looking scarily like my older brother he was big and strong from the word go! I had Joshua in the final year of my degree; I did my last assessment on the 18th Dec, gave birth on the 21st and was back at university 3 weeks later - incidentally I did my next assessment presentation with kid poo all down the inside of my finger without realising, and often leaked on Thursdays as the lectures were too long between feeds. 
Finishing my degree whilst being a new mum was tough, typing assignments whilst breast feeding was not the easiest thing I've ever done but once my degree was out of the way the first few years with josh were relatively easy - I knew everything about babies and little children except for a few weird rashes and the terrible 2's, I thought i had it covered. 


I left Joshua' s Dad Sept 1st 1999, moved back to Preston and became a full-time, working single-parent. Thankfully I had a strong network and my parents helped enormously, but when you have to parent on your own you question the decisions you make and always feel like the bad guy. I could have spent more time with Josh but I needed to work to build a life for us. For six years I brought Joshua up on my own, he's a wonderfully affectionate young man and has a massive flare for sport, so I spent an enormous amount of spare time playing football, badminton, tennis and cricket with him as a child. I've always been a bit of a tomboy so this was easy and Josh just excelled starting with Man Utd and Blackburn academies - any sport he turned his hand to he mastered quickly. 


I met Isobel's dad when josh was 6 and we married after a year. Josh and Andy hit it off straight away and he took over the sporty part, playing football and cricket with him all the time - so much so I felt a bit pushed out at times. Motherhood took a turn as I didn't have to be Mum and Dad anymore - although I did become his cricket coach just to keep my hand in! 


When josh turned 10 Andy and I had Isobel, she was such a little character with amazing dimples and birth was so easy in comparison to the enormous Josh who had taken 2 days. Isobel was out in 10 mins! I felt so lucky to have a gorgeous boy and a beautiful little girl and for 2 months everything seemed so perfect. Then one day on the way to take Joshua to school he had a strange episode. Luckily I was with my sister who happens to be a GP and she diagnosed it straight away as a form of epilepsy (or possibly a brain tumour!). 


Andy and I cried a lot that night trying to get our heads around this but I felt a strength inside that I needed to be strong for everyone. Thanks to my sister he was seen by the Neurologist quickly and had a couple of MRI scans, and so the brain tumour was ruled out. But he kept on screaming, running around in circles and laughing uncontrollably (at one point 19 times a day). I had slightly longer off work with Isobel and so didn't have to cope with teaching, having a new baby and Joshua's illness all at once. We went to the specialist and I told her my sister's diagnosis but she refused to believe it was frontal lobe seizures, and although he had more MRI' s and EEG's he was not put on medication and so was having more and more episodes. 

Luckily Joshua has a very strong, confident personality and because of this he has been able to cope with this happening (sometimes in front of 200 people) in football matches and on the cricket pitch. It hasn't stopped him although I can't say it hasn't held him back. Joshua changed from the boy I knew - he became a total fidget, couldn't understand facial expressions and it was almost like he'd been swapped for another child at times. We had to learn how to deal with situations in a different way. 

For me I felt like I had to fight to get the diagnosis, luckily when school turned around and said they would not let him play sport any longer the specialist took note and he was taken into hospital for 3 days of EEG's, and together with the data I had collected they finally decided it was 'frontal lobe seizures!!!' Josh started on the medication just as he began high school and in November 2008 his seizures stopped, he came back and we had our son again. We had 2 years seizure free and although he has gone back to having seizures (his size has doubled) and we strive to find the right combination of meds to allow him to live as normal a life as possible. I have to be very organised with his meds and have to remind him constantly to take them. His food intake has to be monitored like a hawk too as his meds increase his appetite (as well as him being 14 and nearly 6ft tall, and being a very talented sportsman). 


Motherhood with Isobel has been a different experience again in that this time I have been able to share it with someone else from the beginning - share the decision making, share the responsibility, share the momentous moments and the frustrating ones. Unfortunately although I had more time off with Isobel at the beginning - and as a teacher I do get the holidays - my career has meant having to work long hours and coping with huge stresses. I envy mothers who stay at home with their children, or who pick them up from school/preschool, or the ones who always make sure their children have the most amazing outfits on dressing up days. It's not like that in our house! Being a bit of a Tom boy and having a really girlie girl is a bit of a shock - I don't get the obsession with pink or the obsessive desire to wear dresses (no matter what the weather), but having a girlie girl has made me a bit more of an every-occasion mum as opposed to just a sporty-mum!

I did have a skewhiff idea that having children 10 years apart would mean that they got along really well and that Josh would look after his little sister, but they fight like cat and dog - no such luck!

Taking your children home for the first time: 2 totally different experiences; taking Joshua home was one of the lowest points in my life, not because of Josh - he was a beautiful! 
I had been in hospital for 2 days after Josh was born. Joshua's dad had had an argument with the Paediatrician before we left the hospital, we got in the car and then he refused to put the seat belt on Josh, so we drove home unsafe from Billinge to Golborne. When we got home I took my beautiful little man upstairs - I often looked at Josh amazed that I'd had such a gorgeous, perfect boy and I wondered if someone would come to the door and tell me there had been a mistake, and that i had to give him back! How did i deserve such an amazing little man? 


As I climbed precariously into bed with my 8 stitches, exhausted but so proud of this gorgeous, chunky baby. Joshua's dad came storming into the room, "Your mum and dad are arriving in half an hour and you need to decorate the tree!" 
I don't know where the energy came from but I managed the Christmas tree, entertaining my parents and cooking most of the Christmas dinner. Needless to say I didn't manage staying with Joshua's dad. 


Isobel was a totally different experience. I had Isobel 2 days after a great friend of mine had given birth to her twins in the same ward and we spent the night after Isobel was born sat up laughing till about 2am. Isobel had been really wriggly every night before she was born and now she was in a cot next to me. I missed the wriggle and I remember completely forgetting about nappies - it was only when a nurse reminded me that I remembered! I was just so busy staring at her or holding her to think about the practicalities. Andy came to pick me up in the morning and he held our little bundle of joy, Joshua came to see us before school and everything was as it should be; a happy experience. 


Isobel and I had a pleasant journey home and I fell asleep whenever and wherever I needed to, the washing wasn't done but hey I live in reality, not cloud cuckoo land! I still stare at my children amazed that they're mine - at least nobody has come to the door yet!

The best/worst advice: Be a parent. It's hard sometimes to stick to your guns - kids are the best at manipulating (they learn it from a very early age) - but you have to be strong and have clear boundaries. Work together because they will play you off against each other if they find any weaknesses. Don't befriend your children, they need parents! Befriend them when they're adults and they'll respect you more (and you will have less behavioural problems when they hit their teenage years).

Discuss issues with your children and explain your decisions. If they have a greater understanding of why something is wrong, they are less likely to do it again. 

Always eat with your kids. Family time is really important to share your daily experiences. 


I have friends who insist that their children have to stick to a routine and this rules their lives, I had children to spent time with them, I enjoy their company. They have routines sometimes, but they don't rule our lives.

Make sure that you instill a sense of optimism in your kids. Be honest with them. Set them achievable, challenging targets that inspire them to learn. Keep learning fun. Optimistic children are more more successful in life.

Talk to them all the time - don't feel like a fool talking about flowers and clouds with a baby they're learning vocabulary that will improve their learning and development.

If you feel like you're going to lose your rag with your kids walk away, calm down and go back when you can sit down and talk about what happened. Teach them about empathy you will teach them to be more emotionally intelligent.




The hardest parts of being a mother: TIME! Not being there all the time. Working full time means that I miss out on different things - cricket and football matches for Josh and different events at pre-school for Isobel, as well as swimming lessons and sports day etc. Sometimes I come home from work after a long tough day and feel like I'm starting all over again having a teenager at home. 

The best parts of being a mother: Sharing their lives. My children give me a great sense of joy. I stand watching Josh at a cricket match - a 14 year old boy standing side by side on the men's team - hitting a fantastic shot or taking a brilliant wicket or kicking an amazing goal at football and the joy it brings him is amazing. For Isobel when she learns something new. Like when she's concentrating on something in the back of the car and then all of a sudden she'll have a eureka moment - that's such a fantastic payback. 


Watching my children grow and being a part of it, knowing that I have had a hand in them becoming wonderful people - that's the best part. That's what I had children for, that's why I became a teacher, that's why I love being an auntie; great auntie; step-grandma. 
It's all about being a positive influence and reaping the rewards. 
it's not money that makes us wealthy.

Hopes for your family: I hope that Josh can get to a point that the Epilepsy is controlled and he can continue to develop his skills in sport and do well in everything he turns his hand to. I hope that Isobel continues to love learning and exploring and continues to be a happy, joyful girlie girl! 


Most of all for them to have happiness and success. Some people think success is about the big house, the big car, the fancy job. To me success is being in a happy relationship, being optimistic, having a happy life and doing something that is fulfilling to them. I hope they bring up their children with the values and morals that I have tried to get them to share.


What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Go to aqua natal - it really made a difference second time around and try baby massage - I'm still reaping the benefits of that 4 years on. Potty train after they start to notice what they are doing. Make sure you make time for yourself. Exercise will keep you sane.

Margaret and Rebecca, Gemma, Lucy and Alice

Name: Margaret 

Children: Rebecca 26, Gemma 16, Lucy14 & Alice 8

Location: Preston

Expectations of Motherhood: I never really thought about this when I was pregnant with Rebecca. Being only 17 it was all a bit unexpected! But I think because I came from a big family with 3 brothers and 2 sisters I had quite realistic expectations of motherhood. I remember my Health Visitor commenting when Bec was a few weeks old that I'd taken to motherhood "like a duck to water".

Reality of Motherhood: Each time a new baby has come into my life I have realised how to begin with a tiny person can take over your entire life and turn it upside down, dominating everything you do. For those first few weeks with a new baby even the fundamental things you take for granted like going to the loo, having a shower or cooking a meal become unbelievably complicated. 

But after the first few months it all gets easier and the baby just slots into your life. Since I have been a mother for all of my adult life I have never really known any different. My children are my life.  

Taking your children home for the first time: When I had Rebecca it was back in the days when you had to stay in hospital for 5 days. One thing that was good about being in hospital for so long back then was that the babies were all taken away at night to the nursery so the new mums all got at least 5 full nights of sleep before they went home. I've only got hazy memories of taking her home for the first time but my main memories of those first few days were my sore stitches and the horrors of breastfeeding for the first time and spraying breastmilk everywhere. I do remember that I hadn't quite mastered the breastfeeding by the time we went home.

With the other three I was only in hospital for 24 hours each time, but I couldn't wait to get home. If I'm honest I didn't like all the noise from other people's babies and it was always impossible to sleep on the postnatal ward. I vividly remember the day we brought Lucy home - her head was blue for days because she'd had the umbilical cord wrapped twice round her neck. Gemma, aged 21 months declared "mucky 'ead - needs a bath".  

The best/worst advice: I'll never forget what a neighbour once said to me when talking about her family: "If we're all in bed at the end of the day and we've all survived then I know we've achieved something"

The hardest parts of being a mother: Having to juggle everything constantly. I've always worked as well as being a mum and this has always caused an inner conflict in me between being a mother and having a career. I had postnatal depression after my youngest 3 daughters were born which was very hard for me and my family each time.

The best parts of being a mother: The little things. Watching them grow. The things they say and do that make you smile. Their achievements. Being there for them when they need advice or a shoulder to cry on. Seeing them grow up - and have their own children. 

Hopes for your (growing) family: That they get whatever they hope for out of life and that they are happy.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Enjoy motherhood. Enjoy your children. Don't worry about doing everything perfectly.

Sally and Frank

Name: Sally 

Child: Frankie (nearly) 6

Location: Preston

Expectations of motherhood: My pregnancy was, lets say, sooner than I had planned, and so with that my expectations were limited, I spent most of my pregnancy worrying and panicking. Retrospectively I was so underprepared and just dealt with things as they came along. Having few expectations was not necessarily a bad way to do it, it was just the way it was at the time (with intermittent ‘oh shit’ moments of course!) And sweet fantasies of what this little person was going to look like, smell like, feel like, sound like, my expectations kind of rolled from day to day.....

Reality of motherhood: Essentially the first few years you seem to be so tied up, involved, and breathe every essence of it. From the tiny routine chores to the massive overwhelming feelings of love and guilt and knackeredness; it's border line insanity. This sounds so terrible, but I think it took me until he was about 5/6 months old to realise that he wasn’t going anywhere. I was so wrapped up in the sleep patterns, teething pains, feeds and nappies... I remember sitting down one day and thinking ‘What's next? Whatever it is, Franks here, an he ain’t going anywhere!’ I just had not had the time to take it all in.

For me, as the years slide along and you can see the time going so fast, that sense of worry eases and you start to get bits of yourself back and it allows you to appreciate the journey at bit more. After spending those first years giving yourself to the baby you slowly remember that you also have to give to yourself and let your child see that, as a positive life lesson.

As Frankie is growing the problems change - the joys, and tears and laughs - but he still takes up the same amount of space in my brain as he did from day one (just in different ways). I guess it will always be that way from now on.

Taking your child home for the first time: Seems blurry. It's weird but i enjoyed the cooked bland hospital food, lack of house work and the safety of the warm night lights in the  hospital ward, and, to be honest, was in no massive rush to get home.

As I believe all new Mums are, I couldn’t take my eyes off Frankie whether he was asleep, awake, feeding, whatever, and became quickly addicted to smelling the top of his soft, dark, damp little head. We drove home, midday, with the new car seat so so so slooooooowwwww because we had the most precious cargo. The house had been cleaned - and although with the greatest of intentions I am sure - it really infuriated me because Frank’s Dad had used bleach. I could smell it, and I remember thinking, ‘How rude and harsh and inconsiderate - my baby cant have products like that used in his environment!’ (jeeseeee) Over reaction, but the hormones seemed ridiculous by day three; home day! 

But as I stepped into the living room i saw it was full of cards and flowers, and the moses basket was set up all ready and perfect and that made me feel proud. Frankie had fallen asleep in the car on the way home, I hadn’t imagined that he would, I had thought it would be hectic and crazy, but for the first hour or so it was just still and quiet. I found that comedown a bit intimidating, the world closed down so small. It didn’t stay quiet for long!

Best/Worst advice: I think all of the advice that comes from friends and family whether you find it useful or useless comes from a good place, and it just lands which ever way you and your baby choose to place it.

My Mum is an experienced, practicing midwife and her advice is essentially 'roll with it'. Obviously if I ask for help she’s there without fail, but I know ultimately her faith lies in nature and the waves between newborn babies and their mother. I feel lucky to be around someone like her, with such faith and commitment, but at the same time I applied pressure on myself to be the same, and I’m not sure I was self-confident enough to go with that mind set all the time. I sometimes enjoyed the simple, rigid advice that my Grandma threw out from somewhere in the late 1950s, which I am sure made my Mum silently cringe... but only for a second.

Hardest Parts of being a mother: Aside from the practicalities of the whole balancing act, controlling feelings of worry about doing the best thing for you baby/child in the long run is easily the hardest part for me. Frankie goes to his Dad’s most weekends and it's difficult coping with the empty house after the noise of the week. But I know its more important that he remains close to his Dad, and remind myself that in many ways I am lucky to have that freedom.

Best Part: Chubby cheeks, first smiles, mashing up bananas, silly words, pointless giggles, the stressed times when one small thing they do takes it all away. Sleepy sleepy cuddles, first sloppy wet kisses, wellington boots, trying not to laugh at tantrums. Realising that they’ve got you exactly where they want you and that quite frankly you don’t mind anymore, play fights, christmas mornings, paddling in the sea, sweets. Deciding that McDonald’s is officially guilt free, having your own favourite kids show, getting new pets. The bringing home of drawings, leaves, conkers and finding weird things in Frank’s pockets (like squidged up orange segments, yum.) Watching them do something kind for some one else, night time chit chats and the sound they make when scoffing their tea in........... millions and millions of tiny things make the best bits of being a Mum. At the moment I love Frank’s conversations - I am surprised at how insightful he is, but the best bit is watching him play with and develop his own sense of humour.

Hopes for your family: I hope Frank will always feel that I am here for him to come to and that we remain always best buds. I really would like to see him grow into a kind, non-judgemental, confident, ambitious and fulfilled soul.

Any advice for expectant mums: Its important to talk, don’t be shy, don’t feel judged (there is no right way to do it), remember that the sky won’t be falling down if you fuck up a few times! And take millions of photographs... they might bore your peers right now, but they’ll only increase in value to you, gold dust.

Antonia and Safina

Name: Antonia

Child: Safina, 11 Weeks 

Location: Preston

Expectations of Motherhood: Having spent my life up until getting pregnant focusing on getting the right qualifications to equip me for my career and having my own mother warning me to get myself sorted before thinking of starting a family, I think I actually expected it to be a lot harder than I’ve found it so far (although my baby is only 11 weeks and there’s plenty of time for things to get more difficult). My mum got pregnant at 19 and my older brother (and only sibling) followed suit, he and his wife having their first at 19 and their second only 15 months later. I grew up with financial struggle and I’ve witnessed the emotional struggle children can bring when you’re not mentally ready. So the pressure was on for me to break the mold. I wanted to as well, I had ambitions to see the world and to find a career I would actually enjoy, but from a very young age I was also extremely broody. I have found that pressure the hardest thing so far. And it’s not just pressure from my family or myself, but from society. Having gained equality (for the most part) with men, women are no longer expected to stay at home and raise a family and I feel there’s a lot of judgment towards young women who actually do choose to start a family young as a result. Why would you want to do that when you don’t have to? But motherhood is something we’re programmed to want, not to mention the risks involved with having children later in life, and I felt that pressure to deny myself of those instincts. I was 24 when I did have Safina. I had my degree, a masters, I’d travelled and had enough Friday nights drinking myself silly to last a lifetime. I was ready. 

Reality of Motherhood: I expected to love my baby. It’s a no brainer really. I did not anticipate the overwhelming love I instantly felt when she was born. I couldn’t have possibly anticipated it because it’s unlike any other emotion I had ever felt. It’s made me realise how narrow of a term love really is. There should be more than one word for something that covers so many bases because the love I feel for Safina is totally different from the love I feel for my partner or my family for example. While it’s the most amazing thing, there are a whole lot of problems that come with feelings that strong.

Possessiveness for example. I’m having to force myself to take a step back now and let my partner take the reigns occasionally. It’s difficult in these early days when you’re breastfeeding because that’s a huge part of childcare that dad is excluded from, but there’s plenty of responsibility you can let them take on so that’s what I’m learning to do now.

Fear is another. Babies are so totally reliant on you and so completely trusting of you and I’m utterly terrified that something bad might happen to Safina. I have vivid nightmares about it, sometimes they’re horrible and I feel awful that my subconscious would even go there. But sometimes they’re ridiculous, like the time I dreamt she was covered in octopus ink and no matter how much I washed her, I couldn’t get it off (I’m sure a dream analyst would have a field day with that). I’ve also become hyper sensitive to anything involving children. I can’t watch charity adverts about starving or abused children anymore and a couple of news reports of abuse that’s happened locally recently have hit me harder than I ever would have expected. All this just makes me want to give Safina the best of everything and more love, support and encouragement than she’ll know what to do with. Balancing this with making sure she isn’t affected on the other end of the spectrum (spoilt, disillusioned, etc) is going to be tricky I’m sure. And that’s the real problem I suppose. I know I’m going to shape her personality in so many ways and how can I possibly know what is best for another life?

Then there’s the old parenting favourite. Guilt. Whatever I do I question whether it’s the best thing for Safina. But I really am trying to keep on top of that and making sure I remind myself that I am a person too and if I lose myself along the path of motherhood it will be more detrimental to Safina in the long run, because she’ll have a shell of a woman as her primary female role model.

Taking your child home for the first time: This is a really difficult question for me. It was only 11 weeks ago that we brought Safina home for the first time but the whole thing is really a blur. That could be partly due to the amount of drugs they had me on and the sheer sleep deprivation (I think I had about half an hour’s sleep in the three days I was in hospital). I hated the feeling of being drugged up to my eyeballs. I had this wonderful new baby and I wanted to soak up every minute with her but I just felt stoned all the time. After a couple of days I tried to wean myself off them – BIG mistake.

I was highly emotional coming home. I’d spent the day being told I could leave as soon as the doctor saw me. He hadn’t shown by 8pm and I’d been dressed and packed since early morning. I ended up telling the midwife that I would see my own GP and that I was leaving (yes I was one of those patients). So by the time I actually left the hospital I was a mess. I remember trying to get my mum to take photographs of me, Ricky and the baby outside the hospital and outside our front door and her photography skills were not to my standard. I shouted at mum, Ricky shouted at me, not exactly the fairytale arrival I’d imagined.

I also remember a distinct shift in my priorities. For me the nesting instinct kicked in early – we were sharing a house with friends when we found out I was pregnant so it became my mission to get them out (in the nicest possible way) and transform the house into a home. It was ready by the time I was about 6 months gone but by then I’d become obsessed. Even when I was in labour I tried to convince Ricky to join me in some light gardening to try and pass the time (he told me I was mental and I settled for a walk in the park). But when I finally had my baby home, none of that mattered. Needless to say the lawn hasn’t been mowed since her arrival.

The best/worst advice: The whole process from pregnancy to labour and then looking after your baby is a minefield of conflicting advice. It seems the NHS move the goalposts continually and so everyone has different ideas. Even amongst midwives advice varies. For me this made them really difficult to trust and given that I never saw the same midwife twice, I tended to find my own way. I devoured literature about pregnancy, labour and birth and was amazed at the antenatal classes (which were terrible) by how little other mums-to-be knew. It was the first time in my life I’d been the geek of the class but I found that arming myself with as much information as possible made me feel much more at ease with what was in store and while nothing can prepare you for motherhood, you can prepare yourself for labour and I actually really enjoyed mine (seriously). So the best advice definitely came from reading and listening to as much as possible and forming my own conclusions.


The worst advice I’ve had has to be over breastfeeding. I was determined I would do it but if I wasn’t so strong willed I definitely would have resorted to ‘topping up’ with formula. I knew that my body would provide Safina with what she needed but when she refused to sleep while in hospital the midwife told me she could do with a ‘comp feed’, I refused but when she became a bit jittery the midwife came down on me harder. She told me to feed the baby 20ml of formula. After five mil I cried and threw the bottle away and lied to the midwife about it (who was then happy with the baby). Since then she hasn’t had a drop of formula, in spite of various health visitors, friends and family members advising me that it would make my life easier by making her sleep longer, put weight on faster etc. It has taken time but Safina is now sleeping for longer stints and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

The hardest parts of being a mother: The guilt and the fear that I mentioned earlier are probably the hardest parts but I also find I miss the really small and often mundane things about my life before motherhood. Being able to take my time with my housework or cooking a meal. I miss blasting out my music and cooking up a feast while devouring the best part of a bottle of rouge. That’s how I relaxed, I’ve never really been the ‘put-your-feet-up’ type. Today wine is limited to social occasions (which are few and far between) and I’m lucky if I get time to eat, let alone cook.

The best parts of being a mother: There are so many things, seeing Safina’s little face light up when she sees me, the sense of pride and achievement I feel when she achieves something, knowing that she’s such a perfect mix of me and her dad and that we managed to create something so awesome, but the ultimate best bit has to be the absolute unique relationship between me and Safina. Nobody else can feel what I feel, I have utter exclusivity as her mother and no one can ever come between that.

Hopes for your family: I’d like a little brother or sister for Safina, I think two would be enough for me but I know my partner would like more and I know he’d like to have a son one day – but three is my absolute limit. But besides the logistics – because I suppose you can’t really plan these things too closely and you never know what fate has in store for you – I just hope that Safina (and any future children) grow up to be well adjusted children/teenagers/adults. I want her to be confident yet modest, outgoing, intelligent, witty, creative and we’ll definitely be encouraging her to be musical. But I also want to give her the space to decide for herself who she wants to be and I just hope to be supportive in whatever path she chooses. I hope that Safina and I have a good relationship. I want to be liberal enough for her to make her mistakes while having instilled a strong moral compass which ensures she never goes too wayward. I hope she doesn’t listen to happy hardcore, wear fake tan or read the Daily Mail (although I can’t think of anyone who does all three). I hope she can come to me with her problems. Mostly I hope she is happy and comfortable in her own skin.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: I’d try my best to give minimal advice to expectant mums. Everyone who’s ever had children has something to say and when you’re pregnant you get bombarded with it. In saying that, I have already found myself rambling on to my pregnant friends about my experiences. My points of reference are usually labour – which I tell them in my opinion is not that bad. Your body is designed to do it and instinct will kick in if you don’t get yourself overly worked up. And breastfeeding –   I encourage them to at least give it a go. I also think it’s important that you build a network of other mums or pregnant ladies. Even if you had nothing in common with these people before, you will undoubtedly be able to find common ground now. You need to be brave and put yourself out there, attend classes and baby groups and don’t be a wallflower, you never know when you might need that support. I have also found it really important to look after myself, get dressed and put on a bit of make-up even if no one will see you other than your baby. It stopped me feeling like a total zombie when I was sleep deprived. Most importantly I suppose is not to lose yourself and who you were before you were a mum. You need to do what’s best for you as well as your baby.