Holly and Florence

Name: Holly 

Child: Florence, 15 months

Location: Chorlton, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I really thought my entrepreneurial spark would kick in whilst I was on maternity leave and that I'd have plenty of spare time in the day. I expected to be nursing my baby in one arm and typing away on the computer with the other. I thought I'd have a business up and running and my first novel drafted (I've always fancied myself as a successful novelist). I expected to be a "lady that lunches", who carries her baby around in a sling wherever I went, looking all "yummy mummy" in my skinny jeans, having picnics in the park and jogging with my stroller. That's what I'd seen on Instagram and that's what I thought I'd be! (How wrong I was). 

Reality of Motherhood: My baby doesn't really sleep or nap without me! So I spent the first 9 months of her life pinned underneath her on the couch or with her attached to my boobs. Which meant my spare time for productive business brainstorming and social networking just didn't really materialise. Instead I lay on the couch, watching series records of America's Next Top Model, Australia's Next Top Model, Britain's Next Top Model...you get the drift. It wasn't until Flo was 10 months old that I found the odd half hour of spare time creeping in here and there, whilst she was happy playing and amusing herself, by which point I was generally exhausted and just happy for a bit of time on Facebook.Then by about a year, I finally got to launch my business and start to get my sanity back (sort of) and now at 15 months, she's just started sleeping more than 3 hour chunks and I realise what it feels like to not be completely and utterly exhausted all the time. Oh and another reality of motherhood for those of you that decide to breast-feed is leaky boobs...un-glamourous, but a reality.

Taking your child home for the first time: This is probably one of the most surreal moments of a parent's life. You've just been through the crazy, emotional, draining experience of giving birth and you're suddenly faced with looking after another living thing...a teeny tiny living thing that totally depends on you. Then, sleep deprived, sore and bewildered, you're discharged and sent on your merry way to go forth and parent. But no one tells you what you're actually supposed to do next! It's supposed to come naturally isn't it?

Well the journey home was fine, she slept and it all seemed totally doable. We were then welcomed home by the dog and the grandparents (who thankfully had a curry waiting for us!) and everyone cooed and enjoyed some cuddle time with her. Then she started crying. And she pretty much cried on and off for the rest of the evening and into the night and we had no bloody idea what we were supposed to do...feed? change her nappy? cuddle her? And we both looked at each other and all we wanted to do was sleep, having been awake for the last 36 hours and I remember saying to my husband "but when do we sleep? how do we actually do this without sleep?". Well that was just the beginning, but as if mother nature has it all figured out, you kind of just do it and get used to it and each day gets a tiny bit easier. 



The best/worst advice: The best advice I probably had was to just go with your intuition. You really do get this sixth sense when you become a mother and you just sort of know what your baby wants and what's best for them. You'll be given such a huge amount of information, advice and opinions when you're pregnant and a new mum (most of which is useless) that it's all a bit overwhelming. If your baby is generally healthy and happy, you're doing something right!

I wouldn't say I've received any bad advice, but probably just had some advice delivered in an insensitive way (which you'll get used to as a new mum). People generally meaning well, but telling you that you're "creating a rod for your own back by doing that..." or "oh, your baby should be sleeping through the night by now...perhaps you should do something differently..." (as if I like to be woken every 2 hours for 12 months straight!). 

The hardest parts of being a mother: There'll be a familiar theme to this...sleep...or lack thereof. I genuinely never thought I could feel so utterly exhausted and deflated as I have on occasion since becoming a mum. Genuinely you plod on and your baby's gorgeous smiling face and utter unconditional love does everything to pull you through the difficult days. But there's a reason that sleep deprivation is used as torture - because it's hell! 

Wanting to have more energy to try that sleep-training you've been told is the key to your baby sleeping through the night, or to skip along to the next baby sensory group, but not being able to muster enough energy to get dressed in a manner that is acceptable for leaving your house, is seriously hard. But know that you're not alone. Despite all the well turned-out, happy, smiling mums you'll come across, nearly every one of them is feeling or has felt exactly the same as you. There's something cruel but comforting about that fact. 

Oh and breast-feeding. It's hard. Not for everyone of course, but for a lot of women. So don't beat yourself up about it if you're finding it tough and don't suffer in silence. Speak to people, ask for help. It does generally get easier, but those first weeks (and months) can be really really hard. And if it's not happening, bottle feed or combination feed. As long as your baby eats, it doesn't really matter where the milks coming from. You have so many things to take in as a mum and to try and do for your baby, having mum-guilt over anything is a waste of your energy. 

The best parts of being a mother: Gosh where do I start? I used to roll my eyes when a new mum would say, "It's the best thing ever" and coo over their baby like they're the first child to exist or break wind or eat a piece of banana. But it really bloody is the BEST THING EVER! Don't get me wrong, it can be lonely, exhausting and anxiety-inducing, but it really is a privilege to be a parent. I get so much out of every little thing that Flo does and watching her respond to the world around her is so satisfying. I love her cuddles when she's sleepy and the way she arches her back and farts in the morning before waking up. I love the utter trust she has for me and her Dadda and that even when she's grizzly and crying, she still claps along as we sing "If you're happy and you know it". I love that she finds it hilarious when she blows a raspberry and that her first word was "Peppa" because she loves Peppa Pig (says a lot about our parenting skills). I love her little dance moves when one of her favourite songs comes on. And I love that I get to be a part of her world and existence and hopefully be a positive role model for her in her life. Her smile and cheeky grin has the power to make even the toughest of days completely wonderful. Cheesy I know, but completely true. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? I would say me as a person, no. I am still the same Holly. I still like a few too many glasses of Prosecco occasionally and I still love to spend time with my hubby and friends (with or without Flo). But I would say it's made me realise just how strong I am. It's given me a new sense of confidence and self-appreciation. It's made my outlook on life slightly different and it's made me even more driven to create as lovely-a-life as possible for my little family. 

Hopes for your family: I hope that we can bring Flo up as a progressive-thinking, open person, who is keen to experience new things and get the most out of life. We'd definitely like to continue to grow our family...not just yet, but in the future we hope Flo will have a little brother or sister. We're content with enjoying her for now though. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? I would say go to your antenatal classes (NCT are great for meeting like-minded people in your local area) and once you're recovered from labour and feeling up for it, get out. There's nothing better than fresh air and although you'll be scared and apprehensive and unsure of how to do almost everything, just do it. That feeling really does pass and the sooner you get out there, the quicker you'll feel like yourself again. And go to baby classes. Even if they sound a bit silly, they really are the best way to socialise and for your baby to socialise. They'll be the best £4 or £5 you've ever spent. You'll meet lots of other mums and dads and create a support network for yourself, which is vital for new mums as it can sometimes feel very lonely. And eat cake! Don't worry about getting your "pre-baby body" back. Your body has just been through an immense thing and you'll be lacking sleep and guess what? you'll need carbs and sugar. So just let yourself go with it for a while and don't beat yourself up about your new found addiction to cakes. 

I took redundancy whilst on maternity leave and although completely terrifying, it was the best thing that could have happened. It gave me the kick up the bottom to go it alone and start my own Wedding Planning business, work with my husband's agency Six & Flow, and concentrate on my blogging, which is my creative outlet. So now I get to do the things I love as a job, whilst having the flexibility to work part-time and spend as much time as I can with my daughter. This is the sort of thing that people dream of doing and think it's not possible, but I'm here to say that it is. You've just got to have a leap of`faith and give it a go! Don't let any job or person make you think that you can't do it because you're a mum. Don't let people overlook you for that promotion or side-track your career progress because you've started a family. Fact is, you're probably more efficient than most others because you know how to juggle about 10 things at time, whilst holding a baby and conducting a conversation. Believe in yourself and your abilities, this is the time to give it a go!

My blog - http://hollygoeslightly.co.uk
My wedding planning business - http://nicolandwood.com
Six & Flow - http://sixandflow.com
My twitter: @HollyNicol

Laurie and Oscar

Name: Laurie 

Child: Oscar 15 months

Location: Ramsbottom

Expectations of Motherhood: I expected hard work. We used to lie in bed and talk about how much fun it would be to have a little one snuggled between us - a full and noisy house. I probably didn't think much further than being on maternity leave with a baby, but thought it'd be a jolly old time!

Reality of Motherhood: A million times harder work! A shock to the system even though it was all planned and expected. 

Taking your child home for the first time: Terrifying, and not because I didn't know what to do (I felt very confident in myself as a mother), but I just felt very vulnerable in the world and like I was the only one who could protect my baby. Unfortunately it was the day post-natal depression set in (which was fortunately very fleeting), but my house felt wrong (like the weird feeling you have when you get when you come home from a 2 week holiday, only magnified a thousand times); the world felt wrong. I didn't feel sad or upset, I just felt nothing (then that made me feel guilty!). What was always evident was that it was a given that I would do everything within my power to look after this little person. It was also a big relief to finally have him at home with us after all those months of waiting. 

The best/worst advice: The best advice came from a brilliant midwife who told me, "You're his mother, you can do anything you want!" - I'd only asked if I could use baby wipes instead of cotton wool on his bottom, but by saying that I realised I had permission to take control and just do it. 

Worst advice: from the breast feeding support worker (or peer support worker) at hospital. I'd fed Oscar successfully twice, but then she turned up, said was doing it wrong, made him cry - he didn't even cry when he was born - then said I couldn't go home because she hadn't seen me feed him. 

Now I think back, I was vulnerable and she basically threatened me by saying, "What will you do when your baby won't feed in the middle of the night?" and, "if he's re-admitted to hospital you won't be allowed to come with him". 

It really angers me. Especially when I went on to breast feed until Oscar was about 10 months. 

The hardest parts of being a mother: The night time in the very early stages: a killer! Realising that you will never really relax or be just yourself anymore.... Or at least not for a few decades! Worrying about doing it right! 

The best parts of being a mother: Having the most wonderful little creature that's ever existed!

Knowing that all his healthy weight gain was purely down to my milk. And now, as he's getting older, those little arms around my neck and his kisses. 

Has becoming a mother changed you?: Yes, I'm more sensitive in a lot if ways, like hearing sad stories, but I'm also very strong and feel like I have my priorities a bit more straight. 

Hopes for your family: More babies! 2 or 3 maybe. I just hope for me and my husband to do the best to raise our children with confidence, determination and to be kind. To be happy.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums?: Hide away for 6 weeks, be just a mummy, recover, eat, drink and sleep. Snuggle and kiss your baby. Don't have too many visitors unless they run around after you. Don't put too much pressure on your yourself. It's hard and if anyone says they found if easy, they're lying. Trust yourself and do it how you want to.

Helen and Maia

Name: Helen

Child: Maia, 15 months

Location: Disley, Cheshire

Expectations of Motherhood: As long as I can remember I wanted children. As a child, dolls were my favourite toys and having travelled a fair bit and met my husband, having children was up there with my big ambitions. My elder sister already had four children and had made it look easy. I loved being around my niece and nephews and as a primary teacher I have a pretty good knowledge of young children. I knew that we would try to start a family at some point after we got married, but I think that when I did get pregnant it came as a bit of a surprise to both of us. 

We quickly got stuck into planning and buying and preparing, and the whole pregnancy was just a happy blur of new experiences. I was definitely more concerned with the birth than being a mother and although I knew in the back of my head that there would be sleepless nights and hard work, childbirth was definitely my number one thought. NCT classes had taught me all I needed to know about thinking positively and keeping calm so at least the birth would more than likely go smoothly. I was going to have a water birth with just gas and air for assistance. When I did picture ‘motherhood’ it was having a tiny, content, quiet baby who did everything if not in advance then at least on cue, rarely crying and sleeping well. 

Reality of Motherhood: A bit different! I had a pretty intense labour, lasting 56 hours. The birthing pool didn’t come into the equation, and gas and air was only the beginning of a large drug cocktail. By the end of it what I really needed was three weeks in the Caribbean but obviously that wasn’t going to happen. The first day was amazing, showing her off proudly to all the family, but that night, alone with this new person in a noisy ward, it all hit home. Pain, exhaustion, emotions & hormones all coincided. One thing for which I was completely unprepared was the length of time it took to recover. I felt like I had been hit by several buses. It was two days before I could get out of bed by myself and three weeks before I could sit easily. I remember going to the doctors a few days after we got home and standing at the back of the waiting room weeping! 

Little by little, the birth faded into a distant memory and we got to know our bundle of fun. Needless to say I definitely didn’t have that tiny, content being I was carrying before birth. Maia was almost 9lbs and spent most of her first three months exercising her lungs. It seemed to me that she was either asleep or crying and little in between. I was so stressed when we were around other people because I felt that if she cried I should be able to calm her. When that didn’t happen I panicked. I quickly realised I have a very low tolerance threshold for my daughter’s cries and I held numerous conversations walking about with her in my arms or swinging her about in her car seat in a frantic bid to keep her calm. She screamed every time she was in the car (“but all babies fall asleep in the car right?” er…no) so I made countless stops in laybys and carparks to feed & change and re-settle. By 4 months I started to enjoy her much more. She was happy and following her own little routine which made everything a lot easier. As she became more predictable we became more able to satisfy her needs and we were all a lot more relaxed. Now, at 15 months we’re into whole new range of obstacles: toddlerhood! But now I feel so much more in control, and if not exactly ‘experienced’ then at least ‘prepared’. 

Taking your child home for the first time: I was so happy to be out of hospital, it didn’t occur to me that it would be a bit of a mission looking after both myself and my daughter. Luckily my husband had two weeks off so he made sure we were both fed and the house was clean(ish). I followed that great advice ‘sleep when they sleep’ pretty well and generally tried to recover. We found it so hard to put Maia in her cot without her screaming that for the first two weeks she slept on my tummy. Most of our sleep was more ‘passing out from sheer exhaustion’ than restful sleep. I remember the night I managed to put her down after each feed. We celebrated!

The best/worst advice: The best advice I have received since becoming a mother is ‘follow your instincts’. The day my friend told me to ignore the experts and do what I thought was right was a turning point for me. I stopped being anxious that I wasn’t doing things ‘right’ and concentrated on what Maia was telling me instead. The worst advice? Anything that starts with ‘All babies...’. There are billions of people on this earth. There is no way that ‘all babies’ do anything except eat, sleep and poo. And there are a zillion ways they can do those, too.

The hardest parts of being a mother: The worry! Since before day one a day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t questioned something. Every single aspect of Maia’s life has been questioned at some point. Just take sleep for example. Why won’t she go to sleep? Is she getting enough sleep? Why is she still asleep? Why won’t she stay in her cot? Why does she sleep better with us? Does she have a good enough bedtime routine? Is she warm enough/cool enough? Will she wake up again before morning??? That’s just sleep. Multiply that by all the other aspects of her life and you kind of get how much I worry about her. And I’m told its worse when they’re teenagers. Other than that, well sleepless nights are very, very hard, especially when they never seem to end. But I find coffee a remarkable drug.

The best parts of being a mother: There are so so many and they occur on a daily basis. Watching her grow and develop into her own person is just amazing. The way her face lights up when she’s happy, or the cheeky look on her face as she tries to hide from a nappy change. The way she roars when she’s being a lion or pants when she’s being a dog. Her expression of surprise when she experiences a new taste or sensation and her joy at seeing people she knows. Every day she seems to learn something new and seeing her reach each new milestone is simply a wonderful feeling. 

Hopes for your family: That Maia will grow into a happy, confident and likeable girl. That she will be academically able, friendly and polite. That she will experience all the good things life has to offer and as little of the bad as possible. I hope that Harry and I will always do what is best for her and our family and that we keep learning and growing as parents. That she will avoid boys until she’s 21 and even then only pick the good ones.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Beware the parent police! There are countless ‘experts’ out there, countless and conflicting books, well meaning (or otherwise) friends, family, local old crones who all believe it their duty to advise you in the best methods of bringing up YOUR child. Sleeping, feeding, discipline whatever. Listen to them all and you’ll go mad. The best thing I heard was ‘all babies are different, all parents are different’ (thanks Mum!). Follow your instincts and do what YOU think is right for your child, your family and you. If that means formula feeding at birth (*gasp*), breastfeeding till age 3 (*shock*) or sleeping three or more in a bed (*impossible*) do it and relax because you are doing what works.

Charlie and Vaughn

Name: Charlie


Child: Vaughn, 15 months


Location: Manchester


Expectations of motherhood: For as long as I can remember, whenever I pictured my future, motherhood was always a part of it. When we first got married, Andy and I thought we’d probably give it a while but we soon realised that we didn’t really know what we were waiting for and now I can’t even remember what life was like before we became a family. Normally I’m the kind of person who likes to have as much information as possible at her fingertips, but when it came to preparing for labour I surprised myself by finding that I went for the ‘ignorance is bliss’ approach. I knew that my baby had to come out somehow and I decided I’d rather not read a load of books or think about it all too much. Even though I knew that I wanted to be a mum, I don’t remember having any particularly fixed idea of what life was going to be like after my baby arrived. I’m still the only one of my group of friends from uni to have a baby and I’d never even changed a nappy before the night my son was born! I think I figured that, when I had my own baby, I’d just know what to do. Obviously that wasn’t strictly true. I think every new mum constantly feels like she hasn’t got a clue what she’s doing, but you gradually build up some instincts over time as you get to know your child.

Realities of motherhood: The first unexpected development was that Vaughn decided to make his entrance a month early, and pretty quickly, while we were on holiday with friends in Devon. All the advice I’d been given was that labour takes ages and you’re best to stay at home as long as possible so I was utterly convinced it couldn’t be real labour. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget the midwife at the local hospital telling me over the telephone: ‘you need to prepare yourself – you’re having a baby today’. My waters broke at 10:30 and Vaughn was born at 12:20. I was incredibly lucky to have such a quick, straightforward labour and that, apart from a slight infection, Vaughn was in perfect health. I’m really glad things happened the way they did. Because it was all so quick and unexpected I had no time to worry and, despite the pain, my clearest memory of labour is being really excited that I was about to meet my baby. And, as holiday souvenirs go, Vaughn is a lot better than a stick of rock! We even made it into the local paper - ‘Holiday couple get an Easter surprise’.

The early days of motherhood were such an emotional roller coaster. For a start, you’re massively sleep-deprived, and also your world has just completely narrowed overnight so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when things don’t go according to plan. When I struggled with breastfeeding I felt heartbroken and that I’d completely failed Vaughn. Now I’ve got some perspective, I regret putting myself through all that torment and guilt, instead of just focusing on enjoying my beautiful new baby.

Throughout pregnancy I thought of Vaughn as an extension of me and I remember when he was born being oddly surprised that he was a completely separate person. At first he was a little stranger really but over the weeks and months I gradually got to know him and now he’s the centre of my life. I don’t think anything can prepare you for how intense your love for your child is and what pure happiness they bring you.

Bringing your child home for the first time: Vaughn had a slight infection when he was born so we had to stay in hospital for 5 days while he had a course of antibiotics. Because we were in Devon we didn’t have any family visiting us, but it was actually quite nice to spend the first few days as a new family in a little bubble, just the three of us. 


When we were discharged we had to get straight on the motorway to drive back to Manchester, so Andy wasn’t able to do the usual 1mph new dad drive home, although I did sit in the back and poke poor Vaughn every five minutes to check he was still breathing! Because we hadn’t expected to be bringing a baby home from holiday, the house was completely in disarray and not at all ready for him. Fortunately, we’d got the Moses basket a few days before we went away, but we had no bedding so we had to stop by my in-laws’ place on the way home to collect sheets that my sister-in-law had dropped off for us. One of the first things we saw when we arrived home was my birth plan sitting on the chest of drawers. Suffice to say, it had been a wee bit overtaken by events.. 

Best advice: Go to NCT classes – it really helps to have a support network of other new mums who are going through the same things.

During labour, try to focus on the fact that the pain is normal and every contraction is bringing you closer to meeting your baby – I found this really helped me to keep calm and get through my contractions, although I realise my labour was very short and this might not be so helpful after 12 hours!

I know this isn’t advice, but supportive comments from my friends and family have meant a lot. In the early days, when you’re exhausted and riddled with self-doubt, being told that you’re doing a good job gives you a real lift.

Worst advice: The Health Visitors kept telling me that Vaughn was right at the bottom of the growth chart and he needed to be weighed every fortnight. My gut instinct told me that he was feeding well and seemed very alert and content but I let myself get caught up in growth chart obsession. It wasn’t until his 8 month check that they realised he should have been on the premature baby chart and there had actually been no cause for concern at all.

If you pick your baby up too much you’ll spoil him - I took absolutely no notice of this one. Conversely, I was told that babies need lots of love and assurance because they don’t know it isn’t two hundred years ago and there isn’t a wolf at the door; even though it sounds strange, that made a lot more sense to me!

Hardest parts of being a mother: It’s very full on. In the early days I was up all night and absolutely exhausted but now it’s a different kind of tiredness; Vaughn sleeps really well at night but during the day he’s constantly on the go and me with him!

You’re always questioning yourself and feeling guilty about whether you’re doing all the right things. When Vaughn was about three days old I told one of the midwives that I was worried about whether I was stimulating him enough and she pretty much laughed at me.

Best parts of being a mother: Watching Vaughn grow and change and develop his own personality is just so exciting. It’s been incredible watching my tiny bundle become a real little boy; running around, playing with toys and even developing his own sense of humour. It’s amazing to think that he’s got his whole life ahead of him and I get to watch him grow up and see who he becomes.

I love how joyful and happy Vaughn is. When I’m dancing around the living room with him, throwing him in the air, and he’s laughing his head off, it’s the purest happiness imaginable.

Hopes for my family: For us all to stay healthy and happy and look after each other. That Vaughn grows up to be a kind, thoughtful person; and that he always knows how loved he is.

Advice for new and expectant mums: Trust your instincts and have faith that you know what‘s right for your baby. For the first few days in hospital Vaughn just wanted to sleep and had very little interest in feeding. Around day 3 a doctor wanted to put a feeding tube through his nose. I burst into tears the minute she suggested it. Vaughn already had a cannula in his hand and was having twice daily antibiotics and blood tests; I couldn’t bear the thought of him being put through any more medical procedures and it just felt wrong. Fortunately I had the support of an amazing midwife in the SCBU, who said she’d sit with me all night to help me feed Vaughn if that was what it took and, by the next morning, he was feeding really well.

It’s okay to take some time for yourself. In the first few weeks, when your baby sleeps a lot during the day, make the most of being able to have a nap yourself or just have a cup of tea and read a book.

Get out and about and meet other new mums.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You always judge yourself more harshly than you’d ever judge anyone else. Giving yourself a break can be easier said than done but the very fact that you care so much about doing the right thing, just goes to show that you can’t be a rubbish mum!