Helen and Maeby

Name: Helen 

Child: Maeby, 20 months

Location: Levenshulme

Expectations of Motherhood: Honestly, I thought I'd be pretty crap - or, if not crap, exactly, then I thought I'd find the transition a lot harder than I did. Which is not to say I've found it easy, far from it, but let's just say I had (fairly justifiably, based on 30-odd years of prior experience!) low expectations of my ability to act unselfishly when I needed to.

I've also got a pretty chequered mental health history and I was fairly certain that would come to the fore in the form of post-natal depression and was somewhat bracing myself for the worst. Thankfully education around mental health issues in motherhood is very much better than it used to be and I was supported throughout my pregnancy and made to feel like support would be there if I needed it when the baby came. 

All of that was coupled with a sense of fear about my ability to love my baby - I think a lot of people harbour secret doubts as to whether they will really be capable of loving a child - pregnancy feels so abstract and the testimonials of what comes after seem to veer so wildly between gushing and horrific it feels completely impossible to get a grip on what the reality will actually be *like*. All of that makes you wonder why on earth I wanted to have a baby...and honestly, I don't know, reading that back! 

I love my partner very much and we enjoy each others' company immensely, I think we wanted to let someone else in to enjoy the fun we have, but all of the above should signal that I went into the whole thing with some serious trepidation.

Reality of Motherhood: As a caveat to what I am about to say I want to be clear that I know I have been very lucky - and I want to emphasise that I am aware it is pure luck - the vast majority of women don't have the experience that I have had and that's not down to anything they or I have done differently, it's just the luck of the draw and for no discernible reason I came out of that well.

So with that said...it's been the most enjoyable thing I have ever done. I was induced at term because of some minor, low-risk complications in the pregnancy and for me that translated into a short labour that was painful but well managed with medication and from that point onward I became a walking example of every cliche I had ever heard about birth and motherhood. 

No post natal depression ever materialised and I fell in love with Maeby almost immediately and that love, mixed with some kickass hormones doing their thing for the first few months, meant that any abandonment of selfishness happened without me really noticing - all of a sudden I became utterly focused on my child and her needs. Of course there were difficult nights and utter exhaustion but it just seemed so completely inconsequential when set against the joy of her - seeing her grow, feeling her weight, watching my partner blossom into a truly exceptional father. 

About three months into my pregnancy I posted on mumsnet (first mistake, right there) that I was irritated that someone had told me having a child would be, "the best thing you will ever do" (as opposed to my professional or personal achievements that didn't just require some unprotected sex to get off the ground) and got an unsurprising amount of ire back in return. Now I get it. I have done and will do many more things in my life that make me proud but none of them will make me feel like this. 

On the flip side of this parental bliss, within a few months of being on maternity leave I had also learned some truths about myself - namely that I am someone who needs mental stimulation in the form of work in order to be happy in the home - that's a nice way to say I was climbing the walls and grateful at the end of my mat leave. That's OK and it's not selfish - I am a far better mother for being happy in myself and work is a big part of that for me personally (but not for everyone and not everyone has the privilege of being able to work that I do either).

Taking your child home for the first time: Because of my complications me and Maeby stayed in overnight after she was born so we'd already had a night alone together on the ward - which began in fine style as she filled her first nappy precisely 30 seconds after my mum and partner left to get some sleep and at the exact moment I realised I'd never changed a nappy. I think that might be a good metaphor for new motherhood in itself. 

I muddled through, with the help of a kindly nurse who told me that, no, the tabs aren't meant to have actual glue on them but promised me they would work anyway. I was dubious then and I remain so today. 

Maeby was born at the end of May and overnight there was a big summer storm with thunder and lightening - she mostly slept and fed through the night but I was too wired to sleep so I watched it raging from the window and felt simply amazed at the world. 

We were told we were ready to be discharged by lunchtime but there was a staff shortage and being the good middle class NHS lovers we are we kept telling the staff to take their time...we were discharged at 3am. Taxi home and my lovely mum had stocked our fridge with food so we took a picnic to bed and just stared and stared and stared at our little friend.

The best/worst advice: The best advice came from the many wonderful mothers in my life: do what you want. There is so much weight put on the importance of ensuring you're doing the right thing at all times but every kid is different, every mum is different, every day is different, and everyone's definition of "right" is different - if it works and you're happy don't beat yourself up about it. Also buy lots of biscuits and store up the box sets of stuff you want to watch for the post birth month - makes getting up at 3am almost pleasurable.

The worst advice is something I've heard pedalled time and time again - "sleep when they sleep". The problem with that is that you don't know how long they're going to sleep for - I've always wished that babies would display some sort of digital countdown-to-wakeup clock once they're asleep so you could at least decide whether to bother starting something instead of convincing yourself they're just about to wake up and sitting on the sofa for three hours (not in itself a bad thing, but frustrating when you've lots to do). 

When you're truly sleep deprived the definition of hell is following the "sleep when they sleep" advice, closing your eyes for five minutes only to be woken up - yet again - by a screaming child. No. Just, no.

The hardest parts of being a mother:
The not knowing: not knowing if you will get a decent night's sleep; not knowing if you will have a battle on your hands or a pleasant evening; not knowing if it's worth spending thousands of pounds on a family holiday or whether you should stay at home because you'll be miserable and/or ill; but most of all the not knowing - ever - if you're doing the right thing by them. 

To go back to the work analogy - if I have a work project that I am passionate about I will throw everything I can at making sure that I understand the implications of every action on that project, with kids you can't do that and I am far more passionate than I ever have been about anything at work. It kills me.

The best parts of being a mother:

Seeing my little scrap emerging into this funny, interested, imaginative little person - nothing beats it. Something that's surprised me is the camaraderie amongst parents, online and in person - I'm a member of several groups in both spaces which have genuinely helped when I needed it most.

Has becoming a mother changed you?

Yes. I am a determined person but having Maeby has somehow galvenised that determination and I am much more action-orientated. I am far more patient, by necessity, and I am far more driven to make things happen and do good work. I'm not sure how much of that is *for* her and how much is resultant from the experience of bringing her into the world and recognising that, despite my misgivings, I am actually very good at loving her.

Hopes for your family: Cliche alert: when I was pregnant I remember describing to a friend how I hoped she would be funny, clever, brave etc and my friend interjected with a gentle nudge "..and happy?". I dismissed that because I didn't realise how much it would come to mean to me - it's all I want - for her to be happy - what we do as a familly is all motivated by that at it's heart. In a way it's given me a purpose I think I lacked before.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums?:

Oh my god, just do what works for you! If you want to breastfeed, if you can't breastfeed, if you want to use disposable nappies, if you want to stay at home, if you want or even need to go back to work three weeks after they're born: it. Is. Fine. 

You being happy is going to have far more bearing on how happy they are than whether they eat organic food or not - just concentrate on that and the rest will fall into place. And remember that anyone who offers you advice only has their experience - their children (or not!) - to base that advice on - it's not the law, it's just what worked for them, if it doesn't work for you it doesn't mean you've failed, it means your kid is a glorious, frustrating little person all of their very own.

Helen is one of the founder directors of Levenshulme Market and for a day job work in communications for The University of Manchester.

Java and Gryffin

Name: Java

Child: Gryffin, 11 months

Location: Old Trafford

Expectations of Motherhood: As soon as people found out I was pregnant they would exclaim, 'You will never sleep again!'. So this was my main expectation. 

I felt like I was preparing myself for a tornado, but somehow, nothing can ever quite prepare you for the sheer and utter madness of the first few months. I was also very scared that my child wouldn't like me and vice versa. In a very hormonal, overdue state I googled which star sign my baby was likely to be. He would most likely be an Aries. I then googled 'famous Aries' and one of the first results was Adolf Hitler. I think I must have been quite emotionally charged at the time, as this felt like an ominous sign so I poured myself a shower and sobbed for an hour. 

I have a very close relationship with my own mother but we have had quite dramatic ups and downs so this possibly contributed to my fear of parenthood. I also found it hard to believe that we would ever have a healthy child as we had a late stage termination with our first baby in 2014. She was a little girl and we named her Alma. She had an interrupted aortic arch in her heart and was diagnosed with DiGeorge syndrome. We chose to end her life at 24 weeks and gave birth to her tiny body at St Mary's hospital. The idea of having a healthy child seemed impossible at times. Overall, I felt fearful.

Reality of Motherhood: I was correct. I have barely slept more than two hours at a time in 11 months. But what I wasn't prepared for was the overwhelming love and joy I feel hanging out with this hilarious human that has appeared in our life. I couldn't ever have imagined how deeply I would love him. It hurts my heart when I look at him inspecting his peas on his plate and babbling earnestly about something or other and pointing out the buttons on my shirt. I have chosen not to return to work (a combination of childcare costs and feeling ready to move on from my previous work), so being a full time stay at home mum means that I am at the 24 hour mercy of another person's whims and desires. The days often feel long and repetitive and occasionally I feel deeply bored, but there is also much delight in the small moments. Moments when Gryff tries a new food, or learns how to open a drawer or decides that being chased is the most hilarious thing to ever happen to him. These moments stop me in my tracks and remind me how lucky I am to witness them. And the laundry. No-one can prepare you for the laundry, especially if you use reusable nappies. 

Taking your child home for the first time: We had Gryffin at home as we had hoped. He was born at the bottom of our bed in the midday sunlight. Unfortunately I had bad tearing so an ambulance took us to the hospital shortly after and we had to stay there for six hours while I was sewn up and the midwives helped me latch Gryffin onto my breast. 

When we returned home I was nervous to be left alone with him. I hadn't yet felt the surge of love that so many mothers describe, I was nervous of him and felt awkward around this person I didn't know. I was confused as to why he couldn't simply 'be'. He was either asleep or awake and crying or trying to feed but failing. We would sing to him, rock him and dance with him but the only thing that could calm him was 'All Night Long' by Lionel Richie and it still works eleven months later. 

Three days after he was born I was sat staring at him in bed and suddenly realised that one day he would leave home and I started crying uncontrollably. I think the love hormones had finally started to kick in.

The best advice: The best advice I have received and keep on coming back to in moments of doubt is to find your own way as a mother. I am highly skilled at comparing myself to others and endlessly worry that other mothers are far more attentive/fun/creative/careful etc etc etc. But it is so true that you just need to do what you need to do to get through the hard times and try and retain a smidge of your sanity and keep your baby safe. There are as many ways to mother as there are mothers and children. 

Also, to visit a cranial osteopath. Gryffin cried endlessly for the first six weeks until we took him to see a cranial osteopath and after six sessions he was a different baby. It's easy to forget that the birth process can also be a traumatic experience for the baby and they can experience injuries. I'm not entirely sure what the osteopath did, but it worked. Gryffin has been so much happier since. 

The worst advice: The old 'You're creating a rod for your own back' adage. I understand it but I don't necessarily agree with the principle. I co-sleep with Gryffin and feed on demand. We never decided that we would 'follow' attachment parenting, I only found out that it was a style of parenting once I was doing it. It's not right for everybody but it works for us. If your instinct is leading you somewhere with your baby, it's most likely that you know best.

The hardest parts of being a mother: The lack of sleep has been (and still is) very hard. It affects your mental health, your tolerance levels, your ability to be patient..all the things that are pretty necessary to be a warm and loving mother! I find it extraordinary how many times I have truly believed that I cannot give another ounce of my being and then somehow...carried on. 

And knowing that Gryffin will be hurt is deeply upsetting. I try not to think about the heartache he will go through once he starts to understand the world in a more sophisticated way. The current political situation is weighing heavily on my mind for his future.

The best parts of being a mother: The warm, cosy, deep bond Gryff and I have. Today it took me an hour to get him down for a nap and I felt like I was losing my mind, but then he slept next to me for a while and when he woke up he was soft and rumpled and delighted to see me. He lay back on my legs and babbled about something very important in the dim light of the bedroom. My heart was brimming over and I felt so lucky.

Also, after giving birth my body simultaneously felt like it belonged to a seventy year old who had been in a car crash and the body of a warrior/super hero/feral beast. It was pretty incredible to know I had grown a human and pushed him out, I felt so invincible that I then ate some of my placenta raw in a smoothie. It felt fitting after having done something so powerful. Whenever I feel nervous or anxious I try and remind myself that I can be incredibly strong and the birth is a perfect reminder.

Has becoming a mother changed you? I feel that the world sees me in a different way. To some people I am invisible as a body behind a pram, and to others I am now a valid member of society because I have started my own family. I find this disconcerting.

I am still struggling with my shift in identity, figuring out which parts of me remain now that I no longer do the job I used to do, socialise in the way I once did or wear the clothes I have packed away for a distant day in the future. What of me remains, who am I now? I spend my days hanging out with a soon to be toddler playing with bricks and the sock drawer. In the evenings I go to bed at 7pm with Gryffin (because he won't sleep without me and I can't bare to let him cry) and watch tv on the iPad. Who does that make me? 

Hopes for your family: I hope that we can offer Gryffin a firm enough foundation to allow him to grow with confidence and security. I would like him to feel safe within his family and to understand the importance of generosity, kindness and celebration. We would like to have another child so that he can have a sibling for him to moan to about us when we are old farts.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? Embrace it, embrace the pregnancy, embrace the early days and surrender to them. I felt pressured to get back to 'normal' and cook meals, hoover and run errands while Gryffin was tiny despite it feeling impossible. I wish I hadn't put that pressure on myself. It is a precious time and I'm only just starting to realise that it's one of the fundamentals of being alive. Not the only one, there are many, but it is certainly a very joyous and beautiful one.

Other info:
We had a termination when our first baby was 24 weeks in the womb. Making that decision broke my heart and affected me profoundly. Even though our baby wasn't alive I had become a mother, so when friends around us started having babies I felt a lot of bitterness and jealousy that they were recognised as mothers because they had a baby in their arms. We named her Alma. We buried her ashes on my favourite hill in Glossop. Her brief visit taught me about love in a way I hadn't experienced before. Our son Gryffin was born exactly a year after her due date in March. I wrote about the abortion on my blog http://www.javabere.co.uk as I struggled to find anything online about people's experiences regarding late stage termination. I think there's still a lot of taboo surrounding it. The incredible thing is that once friends and family started to find out what had happened, so many got in touch and shared their stories. Being honest about the painful stuff can be incredibly powerful.

Holly and Florence

Name: Holly 

Child: Florence, 15 months

Location: Chorlton, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I really thought my entrepreneurial spark would kick in whilst I was on maternity leave and that I'd have plenty of spare time in the day. I expected to be nursing my baby in one arm and typing away on the computer with the other. I thought I'd have a business up and running and my first novel drafted (I've always fancied myself as a successful novelist). I expected to be a "lady that lunches", who carries her baby around in a sling wherever I went, looking all "yummy mummy" in my skinny jeans, having picnics in the park and jogging with my stroller. That's what I'd seen on Instagram and that's what I thought I'd be! (How wrong I was). 

Reality of Motherhood: My baby doesn't really sleep or nap without me! So I spent the first 9 months of her life pinned underneath her on the couch or with her attached to my boobs. Which meant my spare time for productive business brainstorming and social networking just didn't really materialise. Instead I lay on the couch, watching series records of America's Next Top Model, Australia's Next Top Model, Britain's Next Top Model...you get the drift. It wasn't until Flo was 10 months old that I found the odd half hour of spare time creeping in here and there, whilst she was happy playing and amusing herself, by which point I was generally exhausted and just happy for a bit of time on Facebook.Then by about a year, I finally got to launch my business and start to get my sanity back (sort of) and now at 15 months, she's just started sleeping more than 3 hour chunks and I realise what it feels like to not be completely and utterly exhausted all the time. Oh and another reality of motherhood for those of you that decide to breast-feed is leaky boobs...un-glamourous, but a reality.

Taking your child home for the first time: This is probably one of the most surreal moments of a parent's life. You've just been through the crazy, emotional, draining experience of giving birth and you're suddenly faced with looking after another living thing...a teeny tiny living thing that totally depends on you. Then, sleep deprived, sore and bewildered, you're discharged and sent on your merry way to go forth and parent. But no one tells you what you're actually supposed to do next! It's supposed to come naturally isn't it?

Well the journey home was fine, she slept and it all seemed totally doable. We were then welcomed home by the dog and the grandparents (who thankfully had a curry waiting for us!) and everyone cooed and enjoyed some cuddle time with her. Then she started crying. And she pretty much cried on and off for the rest of the evening and into the night and we had no bloody idea what we were supposed to do...feed? change her nappy? cuddle her? And we both looked at each other and all we wanted to do was sleep, having been awake for the last 36 hours and I remember saying to my husband "but when do we sleep? how do we actually do this without sleep?". Well that was just the beginning, but as if mother nature has it all figured out, you kind of just do it and get used to it and each day gets a tiny bit easier. 



The best/worst advice: The best advice I probably had was to just go with your intuition. You really do get this sixth sense when you become a mother and you just sort of know what your baby wants and what's best for them. You'll be given such a huge amount of information, advice and opinions when you're pregnant and a new mum (most of which is useless) that it's all a bit overwhelming. If your baby is generally healthy and happy, you're doing something right!

I wouldn't say I've received any bad advice, but probably just had some advice delivered in an insensitive way (which you'll get used to as a new mum). People generally meaning well, but telling you that you're "creating a rod for your own back by doing that..." or "oh, your baby should be sleeping through the night by now...perhaps you should do something differently..." (as if I like to be woken every 2 hours for 12 months straight!). 

The hardest parts of being a mother: There'll be a familiar theme to this...sleep...or lack thereof. I genuinely never thought I could feel so utterly exhausted and deflated as I have on occasion since becoming a mum. Genuinely you plod on and your baby's gorgeous smiling face and utter unconditional love does everything to pull you through the difficult days. But there's a reason that sleep deprivation is used as torture - because it's hell! 

Wanting to have more energy to try that sleep-training you've been told is the key to your baby sleeping through the night, or to skip along to the next baby sensory group, but not being able to muster enough energy to get dressed in a manner that is acceptable for leaving your house, is seriously hard. But know that you're not alone. Despite all the well turned-out, happy, smiling mums you'll come across, nearly every one of them is feeling or has felt exactly the same as you. There's something cruel but comforting about that fact. 

Oh and breast-feeding. It's hard. Not for everyone of course, but for a lot of women. So don't beat yourself up about it if you're finding it tough and don't suffer in silence. Speak to people, ask for help. It does generally get easier, but those first weeks (and months) can be really really hard. And if it's not happening, bottle feed or combination feed. As long as your baby eats, it doesn't really matter where the milks coming from. You have so many things to take in as a mum and to try and do for your baby, having mum-guilt over anything is a waste of your energy. 

The best parts of being a mother: Gosh where do I start? I used to roll my eyes when a new mum would say, "It's the best thing ever" and coo over their baby like they're the first child to exist or break wind or eat a piece of banana. But it really bloody is the BEST THING EVER! Don't get me wrong, it can be lonely, exhausting and anxiety-inducing, but it really is a privilege to be a parent. I get so much out of every little thing that Flo does and watching her respond to the world around her is so satisfying. I love her cuddles when she's sleepy and the way she arches her back and farts in the morning before waking up. I love the utter trust she has for me and her Dadda and that even when she's grizzly and crying, she still claps along as we sing "If you're happy and you know it". I love that she finds it hilarious when she blows a raspberry and that her first word was "Peppa" because she loves Peppa Pig (says a lot about our parenting skills). I love her little dance moves when one of her favourite songs comes on. And I love that I get to be a part of her world and existence and hopefully be a positive role model for her in her life. Her smile and cheeky grin has the power to make even the toughest of days completely wonderful. Cheesy I know, but completely true. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? I would say me as a person, no. I am still the same Holly. I still like a few too many glasses of Prosecco occasionally and I still love to spend time with my hubby and friends (with or without Flo). But I would say it's made me realise just how strong I am. It's given me a new sense of confidence and self-appreciation. It's made my outlook on life slightly different and it's made me even more driven to create as lovely-a-life as possible for my little family. 

Hopes for your family: I hope that we can bring Flo up as a progressive-thinking, open person, who is keen to experience new things and get the most out of life. We'd definitely like to continue to grow our family...not just yet, but in the future we hope Flo will have a little brother or sister. We're content with enjoying her for now though. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? I would say go to your antenatal classes (NCT are great for meeting like-minded people in your local area) and once you're recovered from labour and feeling up for it, get out. There's nothing better than fresh air and although you'll be scared and apprehensive and unsure of how to do almost everything, just do it. That feeling really does pass and the sooner you get out there, the quicker you'll feel like yourself again. And go to baby classes. Even if they sound a bit silly, they really are the best way to socialise and for your baby to socialise. They'll be the best £4 or £5 you've ever spent. You'll meet lots of other mums and dads and create a support network for yourself, which is vital for new mums as it can sometimes feel very lonely. And eat cake! Don't worry about getting your "pre-baby body" back. Your body has just been through an immense thing and you'll be lacking sleep and guess what? you'll need carbs and sugar. So just let yourself go with it for a while and don't beat yourself up about your new found addiction to cakes. 

I took redundancy whilst on maternity leave and although completely terrifying, it was the best thing that could have happened. It gave me the kick up the bottom to go it alone and start my own Wedding Planning business, work with my husband's agency Six & Flow, and concentrate on my blogging, which is my creative outlet. So now I get to do the things I love as a job, whilst having the flexibility to work part-time and spend as much time as I can with my daughter. This is the sort of thing that people dream of doing and think it's not possible, but I'm here to say that it is. You've just got to have a leap of`faith and give it a go! Don't let any job or person make you think that you can't do it because you're a mum. Don't let people overlook you for that promotion or side-track your career progress because you've started a family. Fact is, you're probably more efficient than most others because you know how to juggle about 10 things at time, whilst holding a baby and conducting a conversation. Believe in yourself and your abilities, this is the time to give it a go!

My blog - http://hollygoeslightly.co.uk
My wedding planning business - http://nicolandwood.com
Six & Flow - http://sixandflow.com
My twitter: @HollyNicol

Leyla and Noah

Name: Leyla Cooke 

Child: Noah Cooke 12 months

Location: Haydock

Expectations of Motherhood: I had been told soooo many times that there is no feeling that compares to the love a mother feels for their child and I can vouch that this is absolutely true! I had anticipated it to be joyous but following quite a traumatic birth, and emergency c-section, I would never have thought I would stay awake for what was probably the next 24hours just staring at him! It really is love at first sight; beyond my expectations! 



Reality of Motherhood: It is wonderful! Everyday is new and everyday he amazes me. Don't get me wrong it is challenging, especially now he is on the move. I need eyes in the back of my head! There are long nights and teething is THE worst but the smiles, cuddles and the 'I made that gorgeous human being' outweigh the difficult parts! 

Taking your child home for the first time: Truly terrifying and utterly overwhelming. I remember hobbling into our lounge holding Noah and bursting into tears; my sobs punctuated with 'this is the house we bought so we could have you...' Cringey and a little cliche but it was how I felt!

The best advice: To drink in each and every moment as time passes too quickly. Oh boy it does!

The worst advice: I received constant nagging that I would be creating a rod for my own back by constantly holding him, breast feeding him or baby wearing. This time is precious so enjoy every snuggle.

The hardest parts of being a mother: Sleep deprivation is one thing that no one can prepare you for! The guilt you feel when having to return to work.

The best parts of being a mother:
The way in which motherhood seems to open up a whole other world to you! New friends, new social activities and new priorities! Knowing that your little one can pave the way for a better future and world!

Has becoming a mother changed you?
It has changed me massively. I'm notorious as a perfectionist; I like things 'just so'. Having a family has made me loosen the reigns, become more laid back and enjoy simple things!! 







Hopes for your family:
Happiness and health! We hope that one day we will add to our little trio too but until then our little unit is perfect. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums:
Don't be too hard on yourself! From the moment you find out you're pregnant the advice, worries, the dos and dont's come rolling in. Remember that you are human and simply do what you can, when you can and what works for you!

Also, breast feeding is a lot more difficult than you're led to believe. The early days are hard but stick at it and seek support should you wish to continue!  

Debbie and Esme

Name: Debbie 

Children: Esme (8 months)

Location: Chorlton

Expectation of Motherhood: I thought it would be all soft focus, lifestyle blog living. Esme would love wooden toys, would never cry, wouldn’t need a dummy, the television would never go on and we’d spend our days baking, snuggling and skipping through Chorlton Meadows whilst throwing our heads back in gleeful laughter with our glossy manes flowing in the breeze behind us. I also thought there would be lots of opportunities for enjoying a nice relaxed bottle of wine with friends as our children played happily and quietly at our feet.

Reality of Motherhood: Well, the bit about enjoying wine is still true...possibly more so (and earlier in the day) than ever! Truly, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I hadn’t quite understood how long, draining and (whisper it..) boring a day with a baby can be, nor had I ever really appreciated how consolidated sleep deprivation day after day, month after month can rip you apart and turn you into an emotional jibbering wreck. An emotional jibbering wreck who still has to keep a baby alive and entertained for another day. And also smile sweetly without crying when old people stop you in the post office and tell you to make the most of it because it will go so fast. Oh, the guilt!

Taking your child home for the first time: When I think of the day we took Esme home from the hospital, it feels as if I’m watching a film. I know I must have been there, but it is such a surreal memory that you could easily convince me that I wasn’t! I do remember feeling joyous, battered and terrified in equal measure. I was incredibly lucky in that I had a water birth in the midwife led birth centre, however due to a shortage of beds on the ward I was ‘strongly encouraged’ to go home rather than have an overnight stay. 

So, having given birth at 1am and having slept for a sum total of 45 minutes all night, we found ourselves sitting back in our front room just over 12 hours later at 2pm, but this time with Esme in tow. We were absolutely shattered and absolutely overwhelmed (particularly as we have no family locally to call in as cavalry). On our way home we even had to stop at a sandwich shop to get some lunch as I was (understandably!) ravenous and we didn’t have any food in the house as we hadn’t realised I would be home so soon. 

I remember sitting in the back of the car with Esme who was fast asleep and oblivious in her car seat whilst Gav ran out to buy some food and I just wanted to shout at all the people enjoying their alfresco lunches that I had just had a baby godammit – how could they be going about their business when this great thing had happened?! 

I also remember being concerned about breastfeeding – throughout my pregnancy I’d been reassured by the hospital and the midwives that a wealth of support would be made available to me once Esme was born to give us the best possible start with breast feeding, however there I was sitting at home with not a clue what I was doing and no one to turn to for help. I was clueless. Somehow though, between the 3 of us, we found our way! Gav was my absolute saviour – I would have been lost without him.

The best advice: Everything comes in phases. It’s hard to remember that when you are in the middle of the ‘why won’t she ever ever sleep?’ phase, or the ‘why can’t my baby make it through an entire baby class without crying?’ phase, but all the nightmare stuff does eventually come to an end. Sure, it will probably be replaced by another nightmare phase (hello teeth, I’m looking at you..) but you’ll be that bit more confident and robust that you will have a (slightly) better idea of how to handle the next challenge. Or you will have better honed your google search skills.

The worst advice: 'You mustn’t spoil your baby', amazingly from a consultant when she saw me pick Esme up for a cuddle when she was crying at a hospital appointment a few months after she was born! This throwaway comment caused me much worry in the early days as I battled the thought that Esme was unsettled because I had somehow created a demanding baby through my inexperienced and clumsy actions. Now I know that Esme was unsettled because she was suffering from silent reflux. Once she was diagnosed and taking medication she was so much happier and so full of fun. I’m so glad I followed my natural instinct to give Esme the attention I knew she needed, but I would be lying if I pretended I didn’t spend a lot of time wondering if my natural instinct was wrong on the back of that comment.

The hardest parts of being a mother: Being ‘on’ all the time – you never clock off and you are never off shift, no matter how drop dead tired you are and no matter how many other things there are vying for your attention. It is relentless!

The best parts of being a mother: Too many to mention. The middle of the night cuddles, just the two of you. The gummy smiles and belly deep chuckles. The fat little arms and legs that flap up and down with excitement when she discovers something new or sees me after we've been apart. I could go on and on! It’s enthralling to watch this brand new person discover the world around her. I feel so proud of her! It takes literally every inch of willpower I have not to post 750 photographs of her on Facebook everyday. To me, she is a wonder. 

How being a mother has changed you: Apart from the obvious physical transformation(!), and despite having more to do than ever before, it has made me slow down. It is a cliché but as Esme now sets the pace of our day, I take my time and enjoy the moment much more than before – previously I was always racing around and always on to the next thing. Esme the dictator simply won’t allow that anymore!

Hopes for your family: I just want Esme to be happy and fulfilled, and to know that we will always be here for her. But it would also be ace if she could please become an international popstar so she can reimburse Mummy and Daddy for the expense of all the 2am emergency Amazon purchases.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: I’m so new at this I don’t really feel in a position to offer advice…all I would say is, based on my own experience, hang in there! You will turn a corner, and it will get better! I felt I had lost all judgment in those early days, and I wondered when my mother’s instinct was ever going to kick in. 

To be honest, I’m not sure I ever developed a mother’s instinct – perhaps I just became more confident in my parenting as Esme grew from a little tiddler to a chunky monkey. Perhaps finally getting more than 2 consecutive hours sleep made me more robust. Who knows? Also, beg, steal or borrow a jumperoo...