Holly and Florence

Name: Holly 

Child: Florence, 15 months

Location: Chorlton, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I really thought my entrepreneurial spark would kick in whilst I was on maternity leave and that I'd have plenty of spare time in the day. I expected to be nursing my baby in one arm and typing away on the computer with the other. I thought I'd have a business up and running and my first novel drafted (I've always fancied myself as a successful novelist). I expected to be a "lady that lunches", who carries her baby around in a sling wherever I went, looking all "yummy mummy" in my skinny jeans, having picnics in the park and jogging with my stroller. That's what I'd seen on Instagram and that's what I thought I'd be! (How wrong I was). 

Reality of Motherhood: My baby doesn't really sleep or nap without me! So I spent the first 9 months of her life pinned underneath her on the couch or with her attached to my boobs. Which meant my spare time for productive business brainstorming and social networking just didn't really materialise. Instead I lay on the couch, watching series records of America's Next Top Model, Australia's Next Top Model, Britain's Next Top Model...you get the drift. It wasn't until Flo was 10 months old that I found the odd half hour of spare time creeping in here and there, whilst she was happy playing and amusing herself, by which point I was generally exhausted and just happy for a bit of time on Facebook.Then by about a year, I finally got to launch my business and start to get my sanity back (sort of) and now at 15 months, she's just started sleeping more than 3 hour chunks and I realise what it feels like to not be completely and utterly exhausted all the time. Oh and another reality of motherhood for those of you that decide to breast-feed is leaky boobs...un-glamourous, but a reality.

Taking your child home for the first time: This is probably one of the most surreal moments of a parent's life. You've just been through the crazy, emotional, draining experience of giving birth and you're suddenly faced with looking after another living thing...a teeny tiny living thing that totally depends on you. Then, sleep deprived, sore and bewildered, you're discharged and sent on your merry way to go forth and parent. But no one tells you what you're actually supposed to do next! It's supposed to come naturally isn't it?

Well the journey home was fine, she slept and it all seemed totally doable. We were then welcomed home by the dog and the grandparents (who thankfully had a curry waiting for us!) and everyone cooed and enjoyed some cuddle time with her. Then she started crying. And she pretty much cried on and off for the rest of the evening and into the night and we had no bloody idea what we were supposed to do...feed? change her nappy? cuddle her? And we both looked at each other and all we wanted to do was sleep, having been awake for the last 36 hours and I remember saying to my husband "but when do we sleep? how do we actually do this without sleep?". Well that was just the beginning, but as if mother nature has it all figured out, you kind of just do it and get used to it and each day gets a tiny bit easier. 



The best/worst advice: The best advice I probably had was to just go with your intuition. You really do get this sixth sense when you become a mother and you just sort of know what your baby wants and what's best for them. You'll be given such a huge amount of information, advice and opinions when you're pregnant and a new mum (most of which is useless) that it's all a bit overwhelming. If your baby is generally healthy and happy, you're doing something right!

I wouldn't say I've received any bad advice, but probably just had some advice delivered in an insensitive way (which you'll get used to as a new mum). People generally meaning well, but telling you that you're "creating a rod for your own back by doing that..." or "oh, your baby should be sleeping through the night by now...perhaps you should do something differently..." (as if I like to be woken every 2 hours for 12 months straight!). 

The hardest parts of being a mother: There'll be a familiar theme to this...sleep...or lack thereof. I genuinely never thought I could feel so utterly exhausted and deflated as I have on occasion since becoming a mum. Genuinely you plod on and your baby's gorgeous smiling face and utter unconditional love does everything to pull you through the difficult days. But there's a reason that sleep deprivation is used as torture - because it's hell! 

Wanting to have more energy to try that sleep-training you've been told is the key to your baby sleeping through the night, or to skip along to the next baby sensory group, but not being able to muster enough energy to get dressed in a manner that is acceptable for leaving your house, is seriously hard. But know that you're not alone. Despite all the well turned-out, happy, smiling mums you'll come across, nearly every one of them is feeling or has felt exactly the same as you. There's something cruel but comforting about that fact. 

Oh and breast-feeding. It's hard. Not for everyone of course, but for a lot of women. So don't beat yourself up about it if you're finding it tough and don't suffer in silence. Speak to people, ask for help. It does generally get easier, but those first weeks (and months) can be really really hard. And if it's not happening, bottle feed or combination feed. As long as your baby eats, it doesn't really matter where the milks coming from. You have so many things to take in as a mum and to try and do for your baby, having mum-guilt over anything is a waste of your energy. 

The best parts of being a mother: Gosh where do I start? I used to roll my eyes when a new mum would say, "It's the best thing ever" and coo over their baby like they're the first child to exist or break wind or eat a piece of banana. But it really bloody is the BEST THING EVER! Don't get me wrong, it can be lonely, exhausting and anxiety-inducing, but it really is a privilege to be a parent. I get so much out of every little thing that Flo does and watching her respond to the world around her is so satisfying. I love her cuddles when she's sleepy and the way she arches her back and farts in the morning before waking up. I love the utter trust she has for me and her Dadda and that even when she's grizzly and crying, she still claps along as we sing "If you're happy and you know it". I love that she finds it hilarious when she blows a raspberry and that her first word was "Peppa" because she loves Peppa Pig (says a lot about our parenting skills). I love her little dance moves when one of her favourite songs comes on. And I love that I get to be a part of her world and existence and hopefully be a positive role model for her in her life. Her smile and cheeky grin has the power to make even the toughest of days completely wonderful. Cheesy I know, but completely true. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? I would say me as a person, no. I am still the same Holly. I still like a few too many glasses of Prosecco occasionally and I still love to spend time with my hubby and friends (with or without Flo). But I would say it's made me realise just how strong I am. It's given me a new sense of confidence and self-appreciation. It's made my outlook on life slightly different and it's made me even more driven to create as lovely-a-life as possible for my little family. 

Hopes for your family: I hope that we can bring Flo up as a progressive-thinking, open person, who is keen to experience new things and get the most out of life. We'd definitely like to continue to grow our family...not just yet, but in the future we hope Flo will have a little brother or sister. We're content with enjoying her for now though. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? I would say go to your antenatal classes (NCT are great for meeting like-minded people in your local area) and once you're recovered from labour and feeling up for it, get out. There's nothing better than fresh air and although you'll be scared and apprehensive and unsure of how to do almost everything, just do it. That feeling really does pass and the sooner you get out there, the quicker you'll feel like yourself again. And go to baby classes. Even if they sound a bit silly, they really are the best way to socialise and for your baby to socialise. They'll be the best £4 or £5 you've ever spent. You'll meet lots of other mums and dads and create a support network for yourself, which is vital for new mums as it can sometimes feel very lonely. And eat cake! Don't worry about getting your "pre-baby body" back. Your body has just been through an immense thing and you'll be lacking sleep and guess what? you'll need carbs and sugar. So just let yourself go with it for a while and don't beat yourself up about your new found addiction to cakes. 

I took redundancy whilst on maternity leave and although completely terrifying, it was the best thing that could have happened. It gave me the kick up the bottom to go it alone and start my own Wedding Planning business, work with my husband's agency Six & Flow, and concentrate on my blogging, which is my creative outlet. So now I get to do the things I love as a job, whilst having the flexibility to work part-time and spend as much time as I can with my daughter. This is the sort of thing that people dream of doing and think it's not possible, but I'm here to say that it is. You've just got to have a leap of`faith and give it a go! Don't let any job or person make you think that you can't do it because you're a mum. Don't let people overlook you for that promotion or side-track your career progress because you've started a family. Fact is, you're probably more efficient than most others because you know how to juggle about 10 things at time, whilst holding a baby and conducting a conversation. Believe in yourself and your abilities, this is the time to give it a go!

My blog - http://hollygoeslightly.co.uk
My wedding planning business - http://nicolandwood.com
Six & Flow - http://sixandflow.com
My twitter: @HollyNicol

Helen and Georgina

Name: Helen

Child: Georgina Rose - 13 months.

Location: West Didsbury 

Expectations of motherhood: I have always wanted to be a mummy. I thought I would love it but nothing prepared me for the enormous LOVE you feel for your own child. 

My image of a 'typical day with a baby' was slightly different to the reality of it. I imagined getting ready for my day when my baby slept peacefully in her crib/cot and then having tea (or wine) and cake dates and going to baby classes. In reality, I do meet people, eat, drink and go to classes but getting myself ready is now a matter of how quickly can I do it (simple things such as drying my hair have taken a back seat). 

I was told before Georgina was born 'you'll never wee alone again' and they were right. Since Georgina has been on the move I have always have a little inquisitive person by my side. 

Before Georgina arrived, I was extremely excited I couldn't wait to meet her. We didn't actually know we were having a girl so I was looking forward to finding out whether she was a she or he. I kept wondering what she would look like but nothing prepared me for just how gorgeous she is and I constantly ask myself 'how did we make her?'.  

Reality of motherhood: It's the best job I've ever done. Don't get me wrong, it's challenging and the one job you'll do that you're given full responsibility on day one without any training or a manual. That said, if you were given a manual you would call the author within a matter of hours of having your baby to complain that the instructions don't work!

In the first few weeks/months it felt very surreal having a baby. I honestly thought someone would knock on the door and say you've had your time now and ask for her back! 

I don't think anyone can fully prepare you for motherhood; the love, joy, happiness these little people bring but also just how exhausted you will be. I was worried about the lack of sleep but I never fully comprehended the fact that I wouldn't sleep through the night again! But saying that when I'm up in the night and I'm exhausted I see her looking at me with her big blue eyes and cheeky smile, I completely forget about being tired. The bags under my eyes the next day usually tell the story of our previous evening. I've found the only way to cope is chocolate in copious amounts (and wine!). 

Before I had Georgina, if I dropped food (accidentally, of course) or if there was a mark on my clothes I would change my outfit before leaving the house. These days I'm usually styling Georgina's various meals on my clothes and in my hair. If I change my outfit every time I have food, sick or snot on them I would never leave the house.

Taking your child home for the first time: After our little water baby was born, we got ready to leave the hospital just hours after giving birth (despite me asking to stay longer). I got our new camera ready to capture the special moment of us taking our gorgeous girly home. However, despite us spending several hours in John Lewis deciding which pram and car seat to have, Georgina's first reaction to the car seat was sheer disgust. She absolutely hated it. So my picture of her and her daddy ready to go home is not as planned; she is screaming. 

As we approached our car with beaming smiles on our face (and luckily Georgina had stopped crying) another dad past us and said 'Congratulations! Good luck!' and 'Your life has now changed forever'. 

I spent the entire journey looking at Georgina, our very special cargo, whilst my husband drove home (very slowly). I hadn't comprehended how long I was and still am able to just look at her. 

Hardest parts of being a mother: You're on duty 24/7 365 days a year. A tiny little person is dependent on you and their daddy for everything. You're their world. I constantly worry about her but I wouldn't change my new life for anything. 

Best parts of being a mother: Watching Georgina grow and develop. I can't believe she is over 1 now! When she looks at me I can't help but smile at her. When she laughs and talks to you (baby talk that is) it's the best sound, as a parent, you'll ever hear. Whilst I question everything I do, all she wants is to be with me (or my husband) and it's easy to forget the sheer joy she gets just from playing with us. 

Best advice: Every stage of a baby/child is amazing. 

This is so true. I keep thinking every day is amazing as I watch her do new things. Over the past 13 months I honestly can't say one day, week or month has been better than another; they have all been fantastic. 

Join a mummy group. We did NCT and met 7 other couples. All of them are lovely and I've formed really close friendships with them. The support I've had from these ladies is invaluable. 

Worst advice: When you feed your baby solid food she will sleep through the night. This is NOT true (well for us anyway). Also that sleeping from midnight to 5am is sleeping through the night. This, in my eyes, is NOT true. When would you ever classify 5 hours as a good night's sleep?

Has motherhood changed you? Definitely. I put her at the centre of everything I do. My priorities have completely changed. A good day out now consists of anything Georgina will like, whether it be soft play, baby groups or going to a farm/zoo.  

Hopes for your family: That our family is healthy and happy. I'm looking forward to all the adventures we have ahead of us and watching Georgina grow and develop. This new chapter of our life is exciting and wonderful. 
Advice to new and expectant mothers: Enjoy every moment of it. It goes too quickly! There will be times when it's really hard but you're not alone. It's a learning curve but you will be doing a fantastic job and all your little one wants is to be with you. 

Emily and Tristan

Name: Emily

Child: Tristan, 9 months

Location: Prestwich, Manchester

Expectations of Motherhood: I was a huge bundle of anxiety throughout my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 17 and told I wouldn't be able to have children without fertility treatment. That turned out to not be true but because I'd lived with the knowledge of my condition for so long, I felt like I'd cheated somehow getting pregnant with relative ease and that at any moment I was going to get found out and it would all go wrong. I don't know at what point I allowed myself to believe it was real.

Reality of Motherhood: Motherhood is terrifying and exhilarating and exhausting. It's at once the hardest and the best thing I've ever done. Seeing Tristan's personality emerge is wonderful – he's inquisitive and affectionate (and occasionally a stubborn little drama queen) and I love getting to know him.

Taking your child home for the first time: Walking through the front door with Tristan in my arms was an overwhelming relief. He arrived three weeks early and I had to have an emergency c-section because he was breech. He had fluid on his lungs when he came out so he was taken to the newborn intensive care unit for CPAP treatment. I'd tried to prepare myself for all the eventualities of childbirth but watching my tiny baby be wheeled away in an incubator at two hours old was not one of the scenarios I'd imagined. I spent the next three days being wheeled down to the NICU ward every three hours to breastfeed him while in between I was pumped full of antibiotics to try and get rid of the infection I'd contracted as a result of the surgery. Lying in my solitary hospital bed, unable to move because of the pain from where I'd been cut open, listening to the swish of the IV pump and the faint cries of the babies in the ward next door, I had never felt more alone. But on day four we were given the all clear and allowed to go home. We discovered on that first night that Tristan hated sleeping on his own so my husband and I slept in shifts (and continued to do so for the next seven weeks) but however hard it was, it was overshadowed by the sheer relief of finally having him home.

The best/worst advice: The best was to get a tumble dryer. I wasn't convinced it was necessary but my dad bought us one as a gift so of course I wasn't going to say no. I had no idea what a lifesaver it would be! Thank you, Dad!

I believe all advice is offered with good intentions but I can't stand anything ending in the phrase, “You'll make a rod for your own back.” It's such rubbish. Having a baby is hard enough, why make it harder for yourself by abandoning something that works?

The hardest parts of being a mother: For me it's the lack of sleep. If I can get Tristan to stay in his cot for a four hour stretch it's a huge victory. I haven't had a proper night's sleep in nearly ten months and I am bone tired all the time. At the moment I take the opportunity to nap with Tristan during the day but I'm a bit scared how I'm going to manage once I go back to work.

The best parts of being a mother: It's a cliché but the love you have for your child is incredible. It's beautiful and raw and makes you more vulnerable than you have ever been before. I am in awe of Tristan every day; this perfect, tiny person that I made. Sometimes have to remind myself that there are seven billion people on the planet so making another one isn't really that impressive but then I'll watch Tristan master some new skill and I'll be amazed by him all over again.

Has becoming a mother changed you? In many ways I think I'm a better version of myself now – I'm more patient than I thought I could be, I have more empathy and I'm less selfish. The hard part is not losing myself in the role of 'Mummy'. I'm still me. I have this extra thing about me now which is wonderful but I still have the same hopes and ambitions and thoughts and passions that I had before. They're buried a little deeper now because Tristan has become my priority. I started my blog, The Useless Mother's Cookbook (uselesscookbook.wordpress.com), not just to learn how to cook but to give myself something to think about that's not focused on how much Tristan sleeps.

Hopes for your (growing) family: I hope we all stay healthy. I hope we keep loving each other. I hope we can help Tristan fulfill his potential and I hope we can give him a sibling one day.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? I'm still less than a year into this so I don't feel qualified to give too much advice so I'll just say this: be nice to yourself. You don't have to pretend you have a perfect Instagram-ready life. It's okay to admit that this is hard and you should be damned proud of yourself for getting through it!

Jackie, Wilf and Betty

Name: Jackie 

Children: Wilf (2.5 years), Betty (5 months)

Location: Northenden 

Expectations of Motherhood: I was expecting it all to be a total blast. I knew I'd sail through labour(!), enjoy my year "holiday" from work and then pretty much carry on as normal but with a new little friend in tow. 

Reality of Motherhood: It's much harder work than I could have ever believed! I haven't had a full night's sleep for almost three years, and I haven't had more than one glass of champagne in a sitting for even longer, due to either being pregnant or breastfeeding. Huge changes from the red wine and lie in lover I used to be! My world has changed completely. But I really had no idea how happy my babies would make me, and how much I would love them. 

Taking your children home for the first time: With my first born I was incredibly anxious. About everything. I would walk into a room and see danger everywhere. Everything my other half did would be wrong. I went baby-bonkers. With my second I am much more relaxed and it seems to have been rubbed off on her. She's a laid back little thing. Although I have less time to sit and just adore her, I make sure I try to as much as I can - time flies even faster with the second one because there are so many more distractions! 

Best advice: A wise friend told me that our role as parents is to give our kids everything they need to be able to go out into the world on their own and be happy. We are raising them to be confident about themselves. They are not a part of us to keep and control. Another friend gave me an enormous slab of chocolate and told me I could use it as a sleep replacement. I couldn't have wished for a better present!



Worst advice: Being told not to feed my breastfed baby so much. I was told that he couldn't possibly still be hungry, that I should give him a bottle to give myself a break, and that he would get too attached to me etc. Sometimes my little man just liked to feed, partly because he was small and therefore had a small tummy and had to feed quite often, and partly for comfort and to help him sleep. It's not for everyone, it was hard work during growth spurts etc but I have loved feeding my babies. 

The hardest parts of being a mother: The tiredness. The loneliness of the long night feeds. The constant demands on your time. Never being able to fully get ready for an outing as someone will need a nappy changing, to be fed, or to have a story read to them while you are busy trying to make your hair look half decent! 

The best parts of being a mother: I've grown in confidence from performing this very important role - there is the saying that no one will know your kids like you do. I would never have believed that when I first held my tiny little boy and felt I hadn't a clue what I was doing, but I know now that I am their Mama, and for the moment, I am their world. I know them inside and out and I will always do my best to make sure their trust in me is not misplaced.  

My babies have brought me a deep joy that nothing else, even my great relationship with my partner, has before. I love the giggles, the sticky, snotty hugs and kisses and curling up with a sleeping baby in my arms.

Has becoming a mother changed you: I'm still the same person waaaay down underneath but my life and my priorities have changed dramatically. I've put myself, my other relationships and my career in the back burner in order to muddle through these early days with my babies as best I can. I realise that is not healthy in the long term and I hope that with time (and more sleep!) I can expand my focus and get more balance back in my life. I need to do that for my own happiness, for my (very patient!) boyfriend and our relationship and also to be a good role model for my kids as they grow up. 

Hopes for your family: My hopes at the moment are simple. I hope that we continue to be healthy and happy. I hope I can provide them with a strong and supportive family environment, a childhood full of happy memories and a good grounding to make their own way in life. And I really hope that it's not too late for me to learn to surf one day.  

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: If you're pregnant, get yourself to a hypnobirthing class! I was wildly unprepared for my first labour and I ended up being incredibly frightened and fighting the process the whole way. I went to hypnobirthing before having Betty as I didn't want to go through that again. Her birth was a much calmer and happier experience. Dare I say I enjoyed it? Well, I didn't lock myself in the toilet and refuse to come out the second time around, so that was a big win for me!!

Cathy and George

Name: Cathy 

Child: George, 6 months 

Location: West Didsbury

Expectations of Motherhood: I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I am very close to my Mum and I can only hope that I will have an equally strong bond with my own children.

I didn't meet my husband Ronan until I was thirty three. When we started trying for a baby it took quite a while to conceive, so when it happened we were ecstatic. I was very superstitious during my pregnancy and was afraid that something might go wrong. Although I loved my bump I couldn't imagine the baby that would eventually come out, so I didn't prepare a nursery, buy any clothes etc. The only thing we bought was a pram and everything else was kindly handed down to us from my sister.

Reality of Motherhood: I found the first three months pretty tough. George basically cried whenever he wasn't feeding. The period from 5 weeks till about 3 months was the worst - I nicknamed it the 'all night disco'. George would initially go to sleep for a couple of hours then be pretty much up from about 2am onwards with colicky symptoms. I found the sleep deprivation very hard to cope with, but people kept telling me it would get easier and they were so right. Watching George develop and change daily is beautiful. Being a mother feels so natural and has made me happier than I have ever been.

Taking your child home for the first time: I was totally shell shocked and exhausted after pretty much no sleep for five days. I ended up having to have a caesarian and was prescribed a cocktail of antibiotics and painkillers. The three of us lived in the living room for the first few days grabbing snoozes when we could. I'm so glad we didn't have any visitors for the first week. Those first few days together bonding and surviving as a new family are so important.

The best/worst advice: The worst advice had to be, 'Sleep when your baby sleeps' - what do you do with a baby who doesn't sleep! 

The best advice was from my sister about establishing a routine. I began a bedtime routine when George was about six weeks old. It is true babies really do appreciate the consistency and predictability of following a set pattern each night, and although it took a while to establish, as soon as I play the bedtime music now George knows exactly what's happening. He relaxes, enjoys his bath and self settles himself to sleep.

The hardest parts of being a mother: Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I have ever done. For something that is supposed to be so natural there was a lot of pain and discomfort. The pain of latching George on in the early days was excruciating. I would often cry with pain and send Ronan out of the room. When feeding was eventually well established and pain free at about six weeks I found out that George wasn't gaining weight and he had dropped from the 75th to the 9th centile. I was heart broken, I fed him constantly and he wasn't putting on weight - I couldn't believe it. My Doctor and Health Visitor advised me to give him a formula top up. The first night that my husband gave George some formula I was distraught. He gulped it down. I was so upset that this little creature who was so dependent on me would happily take milk from a bottle.

A friend sent me an article from The Telegraph entitled 'Breastfeeding may be best, but bottles of formula milk aren’t the end of the world'. The article basically said that lots of mothers don't produce enough milk and just because breastfeeding is natural it doesn't mean it works for everyone. Reading the article really helped me to lose the sense failure I felt for not being able to exclusively breastfeed. It was also reassuring to find out that my Mum had a similar experience feeding the four of us.

The best parts of being a mother: Seeing George's face light up in the morning and the way he kicks his legs in excitement when he sees me. Cuddling him and making him laugh. The love I feel for him is indescribable and I appreciate how lucky I am to have him.

Has becoming a mother changed you? As George is only six months old I think I am probably in the honeymoon period of being a full time Mum. I love my new life. At the moment I can't imagine going back to work and being apart from George for more than a few hours. Everything I do and plan is about George.

I have found though, that since becoming a mother I have definitely had to be tidier and more organised. I no longer worry about silly things.

Hopes for your family: I come from a family of four children and am very close to all of my brothers and sisters. I would love nothing more than for George to have a brother or sister sometime in the future. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? The early days turn to weeks and the weeks to months and before you know it that tiny helpless newborn is a sturdy little vegetable scoffer. Try and enjoy every stage because the time really does fly by.

The advice, support and friendship gained from my NCT group has been invaluable, so I would definitely recommend attending a course. The breastfeeding support groups at my local Sure Start centres have been amazing. Talking to other new Mums in the early days kept me sane.

If you decide to breastfeed resign yourself to the fact that a newborn will be attached to your breast twenty four seven. The lady who ran the NCT class told us that you will barely have a chance to make a sandwich. I remember thinking how ridiculous, but she was right. Make yourself a little breastfeeding station with lots of water and food. I was permanently starving. Order yourself some box sets and try and enjoy the hours of cluster feeding. As they get older, babies become very efficient feeders and I now miss those long feeding sessions; just the two of us snuggling up together.

Never say never - a dummy, white noise and rocking all proved to be lifesavers in helping George to settle in the early weeks.

Here are a couple of articles I found very reassuring:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9877692/Breastfeeding-may-be-best-but-bottles-of-formula-milk-arent-the-end-of-the-world.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/9839227/Help-my-baby-wont-sleep-through-the-night.html