Gemma, Jac and Lola

Name: Gemma Roberts

Children: Jac 3 years, 8 months and Lola, 16 months

Location: Prestwich

Expectations of Motherhood: My expectations of having a baby and being at home were that it would be much easier than being at work. I couldn't wait to finish work and go on maternity leave so that I could have a "break"(!) 

I knew that our lives were going to change, but I don't think I fully anticipated quite how big that change would be. I thought that I would be able to get things done around the house, cook nice meals for my Husband to come home to and that my baby would just sleep most of the time and although I'd be tired, this little person would bring us so much love and joy that it would all be ok. I was right about the love and joy part, but I was so naive about everything else!

Reality of Motherhood: We had a bit of a traumatic time with breastfeeding. Although I really wanted to breastfeed Jac, I knew he wasn't getting enough milk - he didn't have wet nappies, he wasn't settled and he was losing weight every time the Midwife came to see us. Despite knowing that he wasn't getting enough. and despite my best efforts, I felt incredibly pressured to continue trying to breastfeed. I felt so much pressure that I refused to give him formula; my Midwife fed Jac his first bottle of it, and I sat and watched and cried. At one point, I was double-pumping using a hospital grade pump, taking domperidone and fenugreek tablets, using a supplementary nursing system to feed Jac, and then topping up with a bottle. Once the feeding cycle had ended, it was time to start the process again. I knew that we couldn't go on like this - I just wasn't enjoying it. Gradually, I stopped the pumping etc and Jac was combi fed for around 6 months before being on formula completely. 

It was honestly like a massive weight had been lifted and I began to enjoy my baby after my Midwife had given him his first bottle. He began putting weight on and having wet nappies, and though I don't feel sad that breastfeeding didn't work out completely for us, it makes me feel sad that I felt such pressure that Jac had to suffer as a result. I think that all I wanted was for someone to tell me that it was ok to give him formula, as long as he is fed that is the main thing, but no-one did. Everyone just kept telling me that formula was so bad and that I just needed to persist with breastfeeding. 

Second time around, I wanted to give breastfeeding a go but my Husband and I decided that we didn't want to put ourselves through a horrific time again. When Lola was born, we tried again and when things started to follow the same path, we decided to supplement from a couple of days old. It worked for us and meant that I was able to breastfeed her and my Husband could get involved with the top-up bottles. I felt so much more confident in my choice, and we did what worked for us as a family and ignored judgment from anyone else. We combi fed again for 6 months, and I can honestly say that I am 100% happy with our choice and how things ended up. Jac and Lola are gorgeous, happy and healthy children and are our absolute everything - parenting isn't just about how you feed your babies, it's SO much more. I realise now that it doesn't matter how your baby is fed, as long as they are getting milk that is all that matters. 

Taking your children home for the first time: Both Jac and Lola were born at home (planned homebirths!) I was transferred in to Hospital with Jac after he was born as I'd had meconium in my waters. Everything was fine and we came home the next day. I remember getting him home, and bringing him in the House and wondering what we were supposed to do?! We put him in his moses basket and he slept for all of about ten minutes and then spent the rest of the night feeding and unsettled. It was a very long night and we were both exhausted! When Lola was born, although I had meconium in my waters again, we didn't get transferred in to the Hospital. After the Midwife had done her checks, helped me to have a bath and got us settled and comfy on the sofa, she left. We were sat on the sofa as a family of four, eating toast, drinking tea and watching CBeebies as if I hadn't just given birth in the dining room - it was so surreal! 

It was lovely being at home and having all our home comforts and not having to leave Jac - he was even there when his little sister was born! I would highly recommend home birth to anyone - so empowering and lovely not having to leave the house!

The best/worst advice: The best piece of advice that I received was to do what is right for me and my family - it's so true. What works for us might not work for someone else, and that's fine. One size definitely doesn't fit all. I haven't received much bad advice - just people telling me that we shouldn't do certain things like co-sleeping because we'll never get our bed back to ourselves, and generally providing their opinion on how we should parent. I'm quite resilient to it now I think and we just do things our way - we have two happy and healthy children, so we must be doing something right... I hope so anyway!

The hardest parts of being a mother: Aside from the difficulties we had with feeding in the beginning, I would say that sleep deprivation was one of the hardest things that we had to go through. Second time around, it was actually a lot easier to deal with as I don't think we'd quite recovered from the first time! Nothing could have prepared me for how tired we would be, and how the tiredness would make us really irritable and not really like each other! 

But it does get better, and they're both sleeping through the night now so we have our evenings back and although I wouldn't say I feel refreshed, I definitely feel more sane now that we get to have an uninterrupted night's sleep again! 

The best parts of being a mother: The overwhelming love that I feel for Jac and Lola is out of this world. They are my everything and I can't imagine life without them. I knew that I would love my babies, but quite how much, I don't think I knew! Before Lola was born, I didn't think I could love another child as much as Jac. How would that be possible? But it is, my heart just grew even bigger! (cheesy, sorry!) We have so much fun together and seeing the bond between them as siblings growing each day and seeing them have fun and laughing together is possibly one of the best feelings in the world. When I'm gone, knowing that they'll at least have each other is something special. I love the snuggles, seeing them reach new milestones and taking them out to experience things - everyone should try and see things through the eyes of a three year old, its amazing! Becoming a Mummy is the best thing I have ever done and it's a privilege to have Jac and Lola in my life. 

Has becoming a mother changed you: Definitely! I've learnt more about patience, strength and unconditional love in the last 3.8 years than I have in a lifetime! I am still the same old me, but Jac and Lola make me want to be a better person. I want to make them proud and my outlook on life has definitely changed. 

Hopes for your family: I hope that as Jac and Lola grow up they will continue to be caring, determined and happy individuals and that they follow and fight for their dreams. I want them to know that they can achieve anything that they want if they put their mind to it! I hope that we'll all continue to have as much fun as we have been having already and I can't wait to create even more magical memories with them. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Do what is right for you and your family. Don't feel pressured or judged by others just because your way is different. Be kind to yourself - we all have bad days - and a new day is a blank slate and a fresh start. Make sure you take time for yourself; have a bath, a cup of tea in peace or a walk. You can't fill everyone elses cup if your cup is empty. Even though it will seem like a mammoth effort to begin with, try and get out of the house with your baby every day. Even if it's just a walk around the block, fresh air does wonders. Make yourself get out to those baby groups - you might not feel like it, but if you're as lucky as me you'll make some of the best mummy friends that you could ever wish for and you can all help each other through the tough times.

Extra Info: I'm a helpline volunteer for PANDAs (Pre and post natal depression advice and support). We take phone calls from mums, dads or concerned family members. They're a really fabulous charity. To contact them go to http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/   Tel: 0843 28 98 401 

Kate and Arthur

Name: Kate 

Child: Arthur, 7 Months

Location: Disley

Expectations of Motherhood: A difficult stressful period, with many dark days, arguments with husband, and generally tough times. 

I had read this so many times it was engraved on my brain. I'd had multiple conversations with my husband about how hard it would be; both of us sleep deprived zombies - of course we will argue and fall out over the most stupid of things. 

I had an image of me, covered with baby sick, exhausted and tearing my hair out after the tenth argument about who had/hadn't done the washing up. All the advice and comments throughout pregnancy were so negative: "Make the most of your time now. You won't get a minute when baby is here," "Things will be so different next Christmas, make the most of the peace and quiet this year," "You'll never enjoy a hot cup of tea again," "That's the last time you'll ever *insert any situation*". 

So much doom and gloom.

Reality of Motherhood: The most magical feeling and the best experience I've ever had. Yes I'm tired, exhausted in fact, but I've showered every day and managed to enjoy a hot cup of tea and have dinner ready for my husband most nights. I'm no hero, but I do what I can in the day. I go to baby classes, take the baby and dog for a walk, meet a friend for a coffee, take baby swimming. I'd go stir crazy at home every day so once the cluster feeding calmed down, and I felt confident enough that he could go 20 mins between feeds, I got out there. 

I pushed myself too much at first, desperate to "get back to normal" but we got into our rhythm and more than anything I was determined to enjoy him. Our time together is precious.

It can sometimes be a struggle to get out of the house but it really is mind over matter. If I have plans, I make it there (albeit sometimes a little late) whereas if I have no plans, it can be 3pm before I've left the house if I don't put my mind to it.


Taking your child home for the first time: Surreal. We arrived at hospital at 22:00 on the Saturday night, Arthur was born 23:41, and we left hospital at 4pm on the Sunday afternoon. It all happened too quickly really and I think I was in shock. 

In hindsight I think I completely missed out early labour and was straight in at the deep end. 

So yes I'm pretty sure I was in shock. But we were also so desperate to get home. I had managed to have a wee and get a shower, and Arthur had latched on and fed a few times, so they were happy to let us go and we were discharged. My sister and her husband visited that evening and we ate takeaway pizza in a haze of bewilderment, pain, exhaustion and bliss. 

Best advice: Get through the first two weeks of breastfeeding and it'll be fine. 

I'm sure every mother-to-be has a list of goals, or priorities. Mine was to breastfeed. I had more worries and sleepless nights over this than I did about the birth. I was determined - don't quite know why but I was. I'd watched YouTube videos (be careful what you google) and read as much as I possibly could, but nothing quite prepares you for something both you and your baby have never done before. 

When I was discharged from hospital I was discharged to the wrong borough; I live on the Cheshire/ Derbyshire border and this confused matters apparently. So my midwife team weren't informed that I was home and I never got my initial home visit and breastfeeding support. 

Despite all the research, I didn't know what I was doing. I was trying so hard, but I was in pain, and I would stall having to feed him. I was in tears when my husband passed him to me, this little squidge of loveliness that I was starting to resent feeding. 

By Wednesday it was unbearable, we went to the breastfeeding support at hospital, with my notebook of times he'd feed and for how long. There were pages of it. It was confirmed that Arthur had tongue tie. We luckily got an appointment for the following week and went home with a glimmer of hope that it would get better, which it did, eventually. The bad latch from the tongue tie had already done its damage and a nipple shield saved my breastfeeding journey. 

If you want to breastfeed, it's tough at first, and there can be complications and hurdles, but it's all been worth it for me. 

Worst advice: I've not particularly had any bad advice as such, but have endured comments that, although may be flippant or even well meaning, made me feel down, frustrated or even failing at times as a mother. Although that might be more to do with my state of mind. 

"Don't cuddle or hold your baby too much as they will then expect it all the time and you'll get nothing done" was repeated quite a few times when Arthur was, happily, being passed around for cuddles. All I'll say is bite your tongue, or if you don't mind confrontation then speak your mind but most of all don't take it to heart. 

The hardest parts of being a mother: It's relentless. 

They need you - they cannot function without you - and there is no let up. You feel like you'll never get a minute to yourself, you feel like a part of you has gone forever. Well, that how I felt at first. That haze of sleep deprivation gets into everything, and your hormones are all over the place. Everything is hard work: getting dressed, having conversations, remembering things, keeping in touch with friends; all hard work. But all worth it.

I remember only a couple of days after giving birth I came back from the bathroom, stood in the living room and just cried. I felt broken, like I'd never feel right again. My body wasn't mine, it was unbelievably sore and flabby and it upset me a lot. What I now realise is that of course your body takes a while to heal but it does stop hurting and it does get better. 

I still feel like I've given up my body to my boy, and maybe it's because I'm still breastfeeding. I don't feel like I did. I wish I'd appreciated my pre-baby body a little more, it was never as bad as I thought it was and maybe one day I'll learn to appreciate my post-baby body too. 

The best parts of being a mother: My heart aches when I think of my boy. There simply is no love like it. The first few long car journeys we had I found difficult, I missed him! I'd spend so long with him either sleeping or feeding on me, he felt part of me. So to be separated like that for a period of time was strange, I felt lost without him in my arms. Now if you'd told me that before birth I couldn't have comprehended it. But that's unconditional love for you, I guess.

I'm amazed at things Arthur can do. I really should give him more credit. Weaning was a big challenge for me. Milk was easy! I was dreading the mess, the fuss of it all, the rules, the guidelines, and I felt like I really didn't know what I was doing. But how hard can it be to feed a child? Well, not that hard it seems. We have gone be down the baby led path and despite the absolute horror of watching him gag every mealtime for the first week or so it seems to have paid off. He can feed himself and drink out of his Doidy cup at 7months old. I'm not talking fine dining with the best silverware, but he shovels in more than we often realise, the proof is in his nappy. 

Has becoming a mother changed you? 
Massively! I've more faith in myself - I've kept a little human alive for 7 months! Quite how I don't know but we are doing pretty good I think. 

Hopes for your family: To grow!! We both have siblings (my husband is one of three and I am one of four) and we so want that for Arthur. I fondly remember bickering with my sister over Monopoly, turning out the bathroom light on each other, and our brothers slapping our foreheads every time we walked past them. It's all part of growing up. 

We had great times together and we spent most childhood holidays in Wales in the great outdoors and that's what both me and my husband want for our little family. There really is nothing like blowing away the cobwebs with a brisk walk in the countryside. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: Do a hypnobirthing course. 
Don't let anyone visit for the first two weeks. Talk to your husband/partner/family if you feel down after birth. 
Grow a thick skin when it comes to advice; mother does know best for their child. 
Go to some mother and baby classes. You will naturally gravitate to other like minded mums and it's nice to have people in the same situation as you. 
And breathe. Sometimes you need to take a step back to realise how far you've come.

Alison, Nora and Frank

Name: Alison 

Children: Nora, 2.5 and Frank,11 weeks

Location: Heald Green, Stockport

Expectations of Motherhood: I never thought I would be a mother. We married on the understanding that we would be fabulously child-free so it came as something of a shock when I woke up one day (and it was that sudden) and wanted, needed to have a baby. I then had to break the news to my husband that I had experienced a complete about face, fortunately, once we had had some conversations about it he was on board and we started trying to conceive. It was then eighteen months before I get pregnant, by which time I thought it was never going to happen.

Once pregnant, I expected that I would be still me, but with a child. That I would feel, behave and think in exactly the same way. That I would have time to read, and cook and create exactly as I had before. That I wouldn't mind sharing the childcare with my wider family, and that I would be happy to skip back to work just as before. I expected my child to be a mini version of myself and my husband, someone I could share my favourite children's books with, who I could teach everything I've learned so far and who I could absolutely make sure doesn't make the same mistakes that I did. 

Only one of those expectations proved to be accurate.

Reality of Motherhood: That it is constant wiping, so much wiping!
Seriously though, it has been life changing, and brain changing. I don't think in the same way as I did before, I can't feel or behave in the same ways that I did. My daughter is not a mini-me, she is a small but perfectly independent and unique person in entirely her own right and I wasn't expecting that. 




I wasn't expecting to find breastfeeding so hard. I had been to a class at the hospital and a La Leche meeting too so I really thought it would be fine for us. I thought that I would put my baby to my breast and she would know what to do and was surprised when she didn't. However I was also surprised by how much I wanted to nurse my baby and so put up with the toe curling pain it cost me to feed her. I think that was my first lesson in the sacrifices that motherhood can require. I sought help from every source available but it was still 7 wince-inducing weeks before it felt 'easy'. It then became a key part of our relationship, a vital tool in my mothering and something I mourned when it finished after sixteen months.
When my son was born I made sure I had expert support lined up. A tongue tie was spotted when he was 3 days old which was snipped on day 5 and I noticed an immediate difference. However feeding him is not the leisurely, relaxing experience that it was with Nora, he squirms, grunts and is finished in 5 minutes... I have compared nursing him to feeding a baby piglet, this means I've had to develop new strategies for nap and bedtime which are not entirely successful yet.

I wasn't expecting that my children would be so different from each other. I spent the first few minutes of Frank's life saying 'But he has a different face!' Although that might be the side effects of diamorphine. With my daughter I felt an immediate rush of love for her, a sense that she was awesome and incredible. With my son I just felt that he was a very nice baby and relieved that he was ok (his shoulders got stuck as he was born). This difference in feeling didn't worry me, I knew that I would love him but it would be a slow burn. Six weeks in that love is growing and getting stronger, it is solid and immutable and entirely his own.

Taking your children home for the first time: That was weird. When we brought Nora home it felt completely unbelievable that our driveway, our house, our furniture should all have remained the same when the universe had shifted so completely. We welcomed her home surrounded by loving grandparents and once they had left felt utterly unprepared for what we should do next.

Bringing Frank home was more of a logistical problem as we weren't sure whether or not we would be discharged until the last minute and had to make sure that childcare for Nora was arranged. We were home for just under 24 hours when we were recalled to hospital because he was jaundiced. My memory of this time is of Nora standing by our front door, crying and sobbing 'Please don't take him away from me'. It still hurts to think of that night.

The best/worst advice: Best... Find your tribe. Find people who mother in a similar way to yourself. It is ok that other people do it differently but it is invaluable to have a sounding board you can trust.

Worst... Anything to do with feeding, or sleep. All you can do is follow your baby's lead, try to tune into your own instincts and tune out all the voices shouting 'You should be....'

The hardest parts of being a mother: I wasn't expecting to find the change from not-a-mother to mother so hard, the reassignment of my identity to a whole new one was difficult, but at the same time rather interesting, a new version of me was being born. I did not at the outset, enjoy the new state of being constantly interrupt-able and, two and a half years into the process still don't. I was going to put a little symbol every time I was interrupted during the writing of this piece but it would have made the text unreadable.

The best parts of being a mother: So many new friends. I don't make new friends easily. I have a sound friendship group from school days and have met a few kindred spirits since but mostly I stick a few core people and feel a little distrustful when a new body is introduced to the group. However in motherhood this isn't possible, other people make the journey bearable, even enjoyable and through groups like La Leche, baby-wearing and a vital early days massage class, I found my tribe.

The other thing I really love is sharing my favourite books with my children, so much so that I launched a blog to list every book that we have read together. I never mind being interrupted when she asks me to read to her.

Has becoming a mother changed you: I am a stronger feminist than I ever was, and more strongly attached to my children than I ever thought I could be. I firmly believe that breastmilk is the natural food for a human baby and will do anything that I can to support another woman in her breastfeeding journey whilst remaining respectful of her right to make her own informed choices.

Hopes for your (growing) family: That my children grow in love for each other; that they have a strong sibling bond that I as an only child never got to experience. That my husband and I learn to balance our own needs with those of this children and of the family unit. That I am as fair and kind to my family as it is possible to be.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums:
I'm not sure I would offer advice. It's your experience and you will find your own way. If a mum is interested in some of the ways that I have learnt then I would suggest books which have helped me...'The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding,' for one, and 'The Food of Love,' which saved me in the early days. 'Three in a Bed' and 'Sweet Sleep' which are gentle and backed by good scientific research.

Oh, and take a squeezy bottle and lavender & tea tree oils into hospital to douse your bits during those first stingy wees.

Extra Info:
I'm Librarian, currently on Mat Leave. I like wearing my babies in beautiful wraps and I miss solitude more than I am comfortable admitting.

Laurie, Oscar and Erika

 Name: Laurie 

Children and ages: Oscar, 2 years 9 months and Erika, 4 months

Location: Ramsbottom

Previous blog entry: http://www.the-mothers.co.uk/2013/10/laurie-and-oscar.html

Life since the last blog post: We have acquired a lot more toys and I think if I ever went on Mastermind, my specialist subject would be Thomas the Tank Engine. 

After a year of working part-time, I changed back to full-time and then discovered I was pregnant. 

Then of course, there’s been the arrival of our baby girl, Erika Sophie. My job - working with perpetrators of domestic abuse - since having children has proved more challenging than usual at times; perhaps because I see the world differently now I have a greater responsibility to protect my little people.

Motherhood since last being on the blog: It took me quite a while to get to grips with being a mummy in some ways. Although I think I managed practically really well, my emotions took a while to catch up and the change in lifestyle took a while to adapt to too. Although having two children is a lot busier and more stressful at times, it’s definitely been easier second time around! 

Oscar, and now Erika, continue to astound me and I’m ridiculously proud of the smallest things. As he’s become older and changes and develops more, Oscar challenges me in different ways and I’ve spent a lot of time recently reflecting on my behaviour (when I feel like he’s driving me insane!) and constantly have to remind myself that he’s 2 and I’m 33. He’s allowed to not be able to control his emotions. I’m not!

Although I say that having a second child is easier than the first, it has brought new challenges. I breastfed Oscar easily for about 10 months and it didn’t even occur to me that I might have problems the second time around. But I did, and it was horrific – for the whole family. I had a lot of nipple trauma and several infections, was expressing night and day, attempting to cup and bottle feed (breast feeding directly in the early days was impossible) then it was discovered that Erika had a tongue-tie. The pain was incredible, but not being able to cuddle Oscar or Erika properly and the endless medical appointments slowly and relentlessly chipped away at me. I had to catch myself and remember how lucky I was to have a happy, healthy baby, even though it all felt so terrible at the time.

On reflection it probably would have been beneficial to everyone if I’d have stopped trying to breastfeed much earlier, but in the end I managed to do it, albeit with nipple shields, for 3 months. Just before Christmas, we found Erika wasn’t putting on weight quickly enough and my GP advised a bottle of formula a day. I stopped breast-feeding her as it was at the point where I wasn’t able to give her everything she needed, so the decision was easier as it felt like it had been taken out of my hands. She’s a lovely big fatty now and I’m significantly happier and really enjoying her (and I think I’m being a much better mummy to Oscar too). It is amazing how utterly determined I was to feed her despite all the problems. I guess we’re just pre-programmed to not let anything stop us feeding our babies.

On a positive note, I had a lovely experience of labour this time as I had a home birth. I really didn’t want to have to be induced like the last time, so when I was 4 days overdue I walked up a local hill to get things moving. It worked! Erika arrived the next day. It was very quick and straight-forward (although I was pretty distraught to discover the tube for the gas and air had been left at the hospital!). It arrived eventually luckily. It was so nice to shower at home and get into my own bed with my husband and new baby after it all. The midwives were amazing; supportive and kind and they cleaned everything up and left us to get to know each other. I would really recommend a home birth to anyone considering it. 

Has motherhood changed you?: Motherhood has forced me to change in certain ways. For example, you can’t be selfish. I don’t mean in a negative way, but that it’s rare to be able to put yourself first as a mother. I think overall I am happier since having my children. I don’t know if that’s changed me at all although perhaps I have a different outlook on life now; I feel very lucky to have two healthy, happy children.

Hardest parts of being a mother: Generally, day to day it’s a harder life as you never stop! There always seems to be something to do, a nappy to change, lunch to make... train track to build! Being ill is hard when you’ve got small children too. There have been times when all I’ve wanted is to get into bed and stay there for a day or two but you just can’t – I’m on call 24/7.

Best parts of being a mother: They are MINE! The smiles meant only for me because out of everyone in whole world, they need and want 

me. Those tiny hands on my face or arms around my neck; the small things that are huge. I also love the feeling of being part of a family unit. It’s the best thing I’ve done in my life. 

What you wish you’d known before having children: Actually, I think I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it could be at times; not that it would have put me off but because there’s no point in worrying about what might be. I think first time around it would have been nice to know that when it does get hard, that it’s always a phase and that there’ll be something new and different, be it difficult or wonderful just around the corner.

I wish I’d be told all the answers to being a good mother – but I doubt anyone will ever know that!

Any more advice for mothers and expectant mums: I’m not sure what I said last time, but what I find myself to saying to lots of mums is that they know best. No-one knows your child like you, so trust yourself and you’ll be fine. Also, don’t expect too much of yourself too soon after having a baby. Take time, let people help you and try to enjoy being in the baby bubble. 

Hannah and Jessica

Name: Hannah 

Child: Jessica, 10 Days old

Location: Didsbury

Expectations of Motherhood: It was going to be a huge amount of hard work with sleepless nights, lots of washing, end of my personality and career. I didn't really think too much about how labour was going to be and I anticipated no problems with breastfeeding! 

Reality of Motherhood: It's a lot of hard work but you find energy somehow. It changes everything but your personality isn't destroyed and your relationship with your partner develops rather than breaks. Labour is horrific, I had a lot of people saying, "It's not that bad". For me it was worse than I could ever have prepared for! 

Breastfeeding is not magical and bonding, it hurts like hell at first and after the labour you can feel pretty hard done by as you go from one pain to another. Get numbers of breastfeeding mentors ahead of time so your not struggling to find help in the middle of a painful session. 

You adapt straight away. You and your partners lives are instantly changed and everything is geared towards this tiny ball of human baby. 

You get to know them immediately, know their routines and habits. 

Be gentle on yourself. After giving birth a woman undergoes the biggest changes both physically, mentally and hormonally, often with pain running alongside this change - it's going to be tough as anything some days.

Taking your child home for the first time: Bizarre. 

We planned a home birth; ended up having to rush into hospital and have an episiotomy with an epidural. I had to stay overnight with Jessica but my partner got sent home. Next day we realised we had no means of getting her home! We had to ring round family to get them to buy a car seat and drive us home! Also when we left we realised we didn't have a blanket, hat or gloves for baby! Once at home it was actually fine but the act of taking her home was a nightmare! 

The best/worst advice: Best advice: no-one knows what they are doing with baby so find your own way and listen to people you trust and ignore those you don't! 


Worst advice: To deal with breastfeeding pain, start drinking at least one alcoholic drink and use up all those really strong labour medications you got given that never used.

The hardest parts of being a mother: Dealing with such a massive change in your own body/mindset at the same time as dealing with a new born. 

Stopping to make yourself rest when you can rather than pushing on through exhaustion. 

The best parts of being a mother: You and your partner have created life! Its truly a miracle.  

Looking at her face and knowing all the trivial stuff that filled up your life previously isn't worth your time or energy. The endless joy you can get from all the tiny things she does.

Has becoming a mother changed you: Hugely and not at all. 

I feel like everything has changed and nothing is the same, but equally my partner and myself are the same, we've just got to learn a new way of being. 

Hopes for your family: That we stay as a cohesive unit and love keeps us together whatever issues we have to deal with. 

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? Find numbers of breastfeeding consultants. There is plenty of support out there; if you're set on breastfeeding it would be a shame to fall at first hurdle. 

I found expressing (so get bottles /steriliser etc) was what saved me, otherwise I would have caved due to the pain. Take every day (or even hour) as it comes and don't be hard on yourself. You're going to feel terrible sometimes, but it'll pass.

Kate, Rose and Cerys

Name: Kate 

Children: Rose, 4 and Cerys, 21 months-ish (I've forgotten how to calculate months the second time around. Let's say 1 and 3/4)

Location: Levenshulme

Expectations of Motherhood: My mum was 18 when she had my oldest sister and she was 26 by the time she finished with her third daughter (me). Both my parents were really hard working and we spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up. And then when my oldest sister had kids (she is 8 years older than me) they were always around and my mum helped her out as did my other sister and me. So I guess I expected that having kids was going to be a group effort really. But being 3000 miles away from my parents and sisters (they are all in Canada) it hasn't necessarily worked out that way! Tom's parents are incredible though and when we get to Canada my family are all in there. So I guess we get the best of both.

I grew up in a very alternative household; my mum and dad split up, both parents remarried, both to women! I feel very lucky to have grown up in a gay household - my kids have so many grandmas! When we go home the whole family gets together, including my dad and his wife, and we have such a good time. Its getting harder to leave every time we go. 

My mum loves to look after people, she was a nurse before she retired, and she was always looking after friends and family who needed a place to stay or were having troubles. My best friend practically lived with us when I was in high school and she still calls my mum, mum. I can really see that in myself as I get older. I imagine being the main host of sleepovers and picking the girls up in the middle of the night when they spent all their money with none left for the bus or taxi. My mum did that for me, I expect its my turn to do the same.

I expected motherhood to be an all round messy, painful, emotional and wonderful experience I think. 

Reality of Motherhood: More or less what I expected except I'm surprisingly more tolerant to poo and far less tolerant to vomit than I thought, which surprised me. I don't know why but it did. I held plenty of my friends hair over the loo after a night out and wiped their mascara smudged faces. But give me a child's vomit and I go running to the hills. Poo on the other hand, is nothing. Its no worse than a wee (unless they poo in the bath; that's difficult). So I guess the reality of motherhood is poo is alright, vomit is bad. Basically, your kids are just tiny versions of your drunk friend whose hair you held over the loo. But stickier. And cuter. And CBeebies was the best thing ever invented. As were raisins.

Taking your children home for the first time: It was great because my mum was there, but she lives in Canada and had to leave about 3 days later (with my first) and a week later (with my second). I remember having the grandparents round looking after the babies so Tom and I could go out for a drink alone, and there was actual semi-serious talk of absconding to Mexico or similar. At the age of 28 (and still cracking really crude innuendo jokes all the time) I felt a bit out of my depth and far too immature to be having children! But thanks to the wonders of the Internet, my family group were not far away! My poor sister got texts at 5am sometimes! But then both my girls have my sisters names as middle names, so that's a fair trade-off, right?

The first time we took them to my home (Canada) was an amazing feeling. I left there one person and came back another, as a mother. That was hard for a lot of people to come to terms with! It's really important to us that the girls know that they are both British and Canadian so I painstakingly recreate all Canadian holidays from our tiny house in Levenshulme and school and nursery are forced to comply!

It's hard to remember our house without them in it now. I think we had a coffee table, I saw a picture of it the other day.

The best/worst advice: I can't put my finger on anything in particular. I got a lot of good advice and a lot of bad advice when I was pregnant the first time. Some people like to say that there is no manual to having kids - but Waterstones is absolutely full of them!

The hardest parts of being a mother: Breastfeeding - doing it, not doing it, coming to terms with it, finding peace with it. I still struggle all this time later. For me, this was the hardest part, which made all other things seem so very easy.

The best parts of being a mother: That smug feeling when you look at your children and think, 'I produced these gorgeous tiny people who are actually going to change the world'. And getting to do loads of fun crafts that you loved doing when you were little. And getting to read kids books. And making them laugh. People always think dads are the ones who make their kids laugh. They might do when they are older, but while they are babies mum is the comedian of the family.

I love seeing who my girls are turning out to be. They could not be more different, but you can really tell that they love each other. And they really love us. And we really love them. It's a great big love in at our little place in Levenshulme! They will be amazing, no matter what they decide to do in life. I can tell that already.

Has becoming a mother changed you? Considering some of my family are kind-of still shocked that I have children, I would say so, yes! But all in good ways. Except now my older one is in school, I'm becoming 'that parent'... But I make the claim that I am still as cool as I was before. I have a laugh at work and don't bombard my colleagues with stories and photos (I don't think - they might totally disagree with this) and I still like the things that I like. I think changing a little bit is good, but these kids are only on loan until they grow up and have kids themselves and so I don't want to lose too much of who I was before. I'm probably not even that cool but one can dream!

We were the fist of our peer group to have children so we still had to kind-of be ourselves with all our single, childless friends. I complained so much that they didn't have kids but actually, they kind of helped us to keep us as us. And I feel like we have paved the way for them now they are finally starting to settle down.

Hopes for your family: I hope the girls want to play games and hang out with us as they grow up. I remember always, until I was 25 and moved away, having a 'family' birthday party in addition to a kids party (which turned into clubbing when I was old enough to drink). We used to have Saturday nights every so often staying in and playing cards with my grandma, mum and my sisters. Those memories are so important. I hope that no matter where we are in the world, the UK, Canada, we will always look forward to being together when we can. I hope Tom and I can maintain our coolness as parents. When the kids are going out all the time, when they become teenagers, I'd like it if Tom and I still go to gigs and play games with friends and do the fun stuff that we enjoyed, and still enjoy, before the kids and while the kids are small.

What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums: The best advice I can offer is to have a contingency plan for everything! I'm an event planner by day so this is quite natural for me. But motherhood is definitely an event! Prepare for things to work, prepare for things not to work, prepare to have to change everything really quickly. And always have lots of food in case - it is the best way to combat any situation. And bibs. Think of as many bibs as you could possibly need and then double it. And get a few more just in case.

And go your own way. Motherhood is the strongest instinct I have ever physically felt; more than hunger or thirst. When I was in labour with Cerys, the only thing I could think about or focus on was Rose. Needing to get back to her, needing her to know that I was okay. It got me through labour. It got me home the same day. Go with your gut, you know what is right for your children and that is usually what was right for you as well. 

Kate is a (nearly) full-time event planner for the University of Manchester, a mum, a wife and a hobby seeker (she's started trying to knit, sew, cook, bake, garden, DIY, etc. Just about EVERYTHING so that as the kids grow up she can sort anything they need!). Kate is Canadian but moved here for a holiday in 2005 and never left due to an acquisition of a visa by marrying an Englishman. They are still married nearly 8 years on and has had two of his children, so this is the most elaborate sham marriage ever.